Kuzul

If you want a tidy little starting point for this current Yankee slide, let us travel back to the salad days of pre-trade deadline baseball.

Crude oil was shooting uncontrollably into a major body of water, Lindsay Lohan was incarcerated by the state of California, and everyone thought that Bill Cosby was a corpse.

It was a more innocent time.

Meanwhile, Brian Cashman sat in his office—which I imagine looks much like George Costanza’s—staring at a roster that included some dude named Juan Miranda on his bench and a bullpen that was regularly asking to get three clean outs (in addition to the three clean buffet plates) from Joba Chamberlain.

Clearly, work needed to be done. Cash got on the phone and when the clock struck 4 p.m. on July 31, the Yankees’ GM had acquired three known entities in Lance Berkman, Austin Kearns, and Kerry Wood.

It made sense at the time, and perhaps eventually each of the trades will work out in the team’s favor. But so far, it’s not looking so hot as things currently stand.

Berkman and Kearns are a combined 2-for-17 with one RBI, while Kerry Wood was shaky in each of his first two outings.

Just call them The Expendables .

The rest of the Yankees aren’t looking too hot, either. They dropped their third straight game last night at the Stadium, and have lost four of five overall. Coupled with another Rays victory, and the Yankees are in second place for the first time since June 13.

There’s no way to know if the A-Rod 600 599 circus is taking a toll on the team, though his offensive slide (0 for his last 17 and 3 for his last 33) clearly isn’t helping matters.

Girardi may be leaning on his new players too much during a time when the team needs its core to right the ship. He immediately inserted Berkman into the two-hole upon his arrival in Tampa last weekend, unceremoniously dropping Nick Swisher and his career-best production down to sixth in the lineup.

On Monday, Curtis Granderson suffered the indignity of being pinch-hit for by Kearns, even if it meant having to shift Swisher to center field the following inning. I wouldn’t use a Thames-Swish-Kearns outfield for my Sunday morning softball league. Yikes.

Wood has been used more judiciously, but sadly already seems to have the “I’m-Going-To-Be-Such-A-Huge-Failure-In-Pinstripes-That-I-Won’t-Even-Let-My-Kids-Visit-New-York-When-They-Grow-Up” look on his face.

There are so many places to point the finger right now—not even God himself, Derek Sanderson Jeter—is an innocent.

If you’re really freaking out about this slump right now and you’re desperate to feel better, I have some advice—Just blame A-Rod.

Repeat after me—It’s all A-Rod’s fault. A-Rod is the one to blame. A-Rod is the problem. Blame A-Rod.

See? Don’t you feel better? A fresh dose of Yankee fan morphine.

Dan Hanzus writes the Yankees blog River & Sunset and can be reached via e-mail at dhanzus@gmail.com. Follow Dan on Twitter @danhanzus .

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Before Rick Pitino was best known for doing dirty, awful things to mid-western restaurant patrons, he was a well-respected college basketball coach. And before that, he was the coach of the Boston Celtics.

Pitino’s stay was brief (three-and-a-half seasons) and wholly ineffective (102-146 record, zero postseason berths), but he did leave behind one very famous tirade to Boston sportswriters on March 1, 2000.

Larry Bird is not walking through that door, fans. Kevin McHale is not walking through that door, and Robert Parish is not walking through that door. And if you expect them to walk through that door, they’re going to be gray and old.

If you’re a Yankees fan, you may need a similar pep talk when it comes to the Bombers’ bench.

Darryl Strawberry is not walking through that door, fans. Wade Boggs is not walking through that door, and Tim Raines is not walking through that door. And if you expect them to walk through that door, they’re going to be gray and old… and possibly under the influence of crack cocaine.

My original idea for this post was to discuss the relative dearth of talent on the Yankees’ bench, an idea that came to me as Juan Miranda made Mike Sciossia look like a genius for twice intentionally walking him in front of Robinson Cano.

Then Miranda pulverized a Scott Shields fastball for a homer in the seventh, and Colin Curtis followed an inning later with a three-run shot (after entering as a pinch-hitter with an 0-2 count no less!). All of a sudden, the bench didn’t seem so pitiful.

But is it? With the trade deadline approaching, let’s take a closer look at the Yankees’ reserves.

Juan Miranda, 1B/OF: It’s said that Joe Girardi likes Miranda’s stroke (that came out wrong). His role is to be the Yankees’ power threat off the bench from the left side. Miranda has three homers and eight RBIs in 57 at-bats. If that doesn’t blow you away, his .227 average and .302 on-base percentage probably won’t jack you up either.

Francisco Cervelli, C: The continued corrosion of one Jorge Posada has made Cervelli more-or-less a regular, but I suppose he’s still technically a reserve so we’ll include him here. The Frisco Kid got off to a blazing start, batting .360/.448/.400 in April and .307/.368/.400 in May. The wheels came flying off in June (.180/.275/.246), but he’s gotten back on track this month (.318/.375/.364). He has no pop whatsoever (only 10 extra-base hits, zero homers), but he’s a quality defender and a good character guy. Also, whenever you can have a, Italian guy on your team who speaks with a Venezuelan accent, you have to be pretty pumped.

Colin Curtis, OF: Curtis is one of those easy-to-root-for guys. Most dudes who beat testicular cancer as a teenager and go on to make it to the Major Leagues earn that distinction. But beyond the human interest element, Curtis seems to know what to do at the plate. He had a great 10-pitch at-bat against Dodgers closer Jonathan Broxton last month, and his homer on Wednesday was profoundly impressive—especially under the unique circumstances. Plus, he beat ball cancer when he was 15. Can’t forget that.

Ramiro Pena, INF: A middle infielder in the Andy Stankiewicz mode, Pena is your classic good glove-no hit player. He’s invaluable on your roster if Alex Rodriguez’s hip starts barking in the third inning, or if Derek Jeter needs a half day off, but he represents dead weight at the bottom of any lineup he bats in. There’s really not much else to say here.

Marcus Thames, “OF”: I put Thames’ position in quotes because the 33-year-old has the defensive ability of that right fielder on your Little League team who smelled really weird. Luckily, Thames can hit left-handed pitchers quite well, and that’s kept him on the Yankees, and in the big leagues in general. Thames missed significant time with a sprained ankle, but his numbers (.287 BA, .396 OBP, three homers, 13 RBIs in 87 at-bats) does reveal that he has some value. It’s possible he smells like that kid, though.

So no, Larry Bird isn’t walking through that door, and Darryl Strawberry ain’t, either. But how about Johnny Damon?

Dan Hanzus writes the Yankees blog River & Sunset and can be reached via e-mail at dhanzus@gmail.com. Follow Dan on Twitter @danhanzus .

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We begin the season’s second half tonight living in a post-Boss world, and I for one am a little uneasy about it.

We heard from Hal Steinbrenner’s people on Thursday that the family doesn’t plan on selling the Yankees. But since Hal kind of looks like a bad guy from an Eighties ski movie, I’m not quite buying it just yet.

A sample conversation:

Accountant: “Here are your options, Hal. You can keep the team, deal with the day-to-day headaches of running a major sports enterprise, inhale your brother’s second-hand smoke for the next 30 years, and futilely attempt to live up to the impossible standards set by your old man.

Hal: Okay …

Accountant: Or, a filthy rich entrepreneur cuts you a check for $ 1.7 billion and you spend the rest of your life sipping daiquiris in the South of France.

Hal: (Checking flights to Charles de Gaulle Airport) Let me sleep on that.

If you were Hal and Hank, wouldn’t you at least have to think about the upside of selling?

Hank already tried his hand at running the day-to-day operations of the club and quickly burned out. Now he’s in charge of the family’s horse business in Florida, which is kind of like when the Corleones shipped Fredo off to Vegas. Out of sight, out of mind.

From an outsider’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like Hal has the same fire that drove his father to make the Yankees a winner. Hal is a private guy, and it’s impossible to know whether his running of the show is out of choice or responsibility.

Even the general manager is left to speculate:

“I think their family loves this,” Brian Cashman told the New York Post . “They are all involved. They like it. This is their life. It is a part of them. Their name is branded on the team.”

The sentiment is nice, but Cashman, like the fans, can only hope that’s true.

George may have died on Tuesday, but his days of running the Yankees were long over before that. The new regime of Hal, Randy Levine, Lonn Trost, and Cashman proved in 2009 that they have what it takes to keep the Yankees relevant going forward.

But until we hear from Hal himself that the team is staying in the Steinbrenner family, there will be reason for nerves along River Avenue.

Dan Hanzus writes the Yankees blog River & Sunset and can be reached via e-mail at dhanzus@gmail.com. Follow Dan on Twitter @danhanzus .

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Let’s get this out of the way up top: There’s no shame in being shut down by Cliff Lee and Felix Hernandez in back-to-back nights.

They are, arguably, two of the top five pitchers in the American League right now. If anyone should be ashamed, it’s the Mariners, who are buried in last place despite having the best 1-2 starting rotation punch in the sport.

So yes, any team can be stifled by good pitching, and ranting about two games in late June would be pointless (though I suspect many will anyway).

That said, the losses do put the spotlight on the Yankees offense, and the view isn’t exactly flattering right now.

Depth is obviously a concern. The likes of Kevin Russo, Colin Curtis, and Chad Huffman won’t remind anyone of the Boggs-Strawberry-Raines salad days of the Yankees bench. Brian Cashman has admitted as much, and has hinted that upgrading his reserves is a primary goal as the trade deadline approaches.

But the Yankees have more to worry about than the bench.

Take a closer look at the regulars who the Yankees are leaning on so heavily to remain healthy and effective.

Derek Jeter is hitting 33 points below his career average; Mark Teixeira is sitting 55 points below his. Alex Rodriguez is showing signs of coming out of his power slump, but remains on pace for his first sub-30 home run season. Jorge Posada is getting old on us, Curtis Granderson is lowering expectations by the day, and Francisco Cervelli is suddenly on a trajectory for Scranton.

On the flip side, Nick Swisher and Brett Gardner are having strong seasons, while Robinson Cano continues to pick up the slack for all of his teammates struggling around him. Cano is the only thing separating the Yankees from third place right now.

One thing that did stand out about the Lee and Hernandez performances was the striking similarity to games the Yankees lost in the postseason throughout the 2000s. A front line starter punches the Yankees in the mouth, and they don’t get up.

Will this Yankee team be remembered for that same trait? You can say they won the title last year, and are therefore exempt of such a comparison. But there’s no Hideki Matsui here, no Johnny Damon, and many of those who remain simply don’t look like the same players.

Are some of the key figures on the roster getting old? Perhaps—it was bound to happen, of course. But there’s still enough talent on the roster to rise above the decline of a few.

(Eyes burning hole through center of Mark Teixeira’s torso).

Dan Hanzus writes the Yankees blog River & Sunset and can be reached via e-mail at dhanzus@gmail.com. Follow Dan on Twitter @danhanzus .

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As you may have heard, tonight’s interleague opener between the New York Yankees and Los Angeles Dodgers doubles as a reunion between Joe Torre and the franchise he once helped lead to four World Series titles.

Nearly to a man, the praise of Torre has been effusive, with the notable exception of Alex Rodriguez, who’s been conspicuously tight-lipped on the topic. (Translation: He no-like the guy.)

Joe Girardi took over in the Bronx after Yankee brass decided to part ways with Torre following the 2007 season. Girardi—who played under Torre from 1996-99—is now in his third year on the Yankees bench, while Torre is in his third year managing the Dodgers.

River & Sunset has fond feelings for both field managers. With the showdown at Chavez Ravine looming, we figured it was time to breakdown Joe v. Joe.

Résumés

Torre had already been fired three times before George Steinbrenner named him Yankees manager in 1996, a move that was quite unpopular at the time. (You may remember the now infamous “Clueless Joe ” headline that ran in the Daily News ).

Ironically enough, Torre was something of a lovable loser before he started winning titles in the Bronx. He rolled off four championships in his first five years with the Yankees, and New York made the playoffs in all 12 seasons with Torre on the bench.

That said, he exited on the heels of seven straight years of postseason futility—including gonad-busting losses against Arizona (2001), and in The Series That Shall Not Be Named (The Year That Shall Not Be Named).

Girardi won praise and the NL Manager of the Year award for leading a babyface Marlins team to respectability in 2006.

In 2008, he managed the first Yankee team that failed to qualify for the playoffs in 15 years. He saved face, and likely his job, by leading the Yankees to a World Series win in 2009.

Advantage: Torre

Management clashes

Torre basically had the run of the lot during the dynasty era, but his power slowly eroded as playoff failures piled up in the 2000’s. It came to a head in 2007, when the Yankees decided to cut ties after the disappointing midge-and-Wang-induced ALDS loss to the Indians.

How pissed was Torre about being dumped? Well, he and his buddy, SI writer Tom Verducci, teamed up to write The Yankee Years, a 400-page FU letter to Yankee management. Well, that wasn’t what the whole book was about, it just felt that way.

Girardi became the first manager to get fired after winning the Manager of the Year award. This generally happens when you reportedly tell your umpire-heckling owner to “sit down and shut the f**k up” in the middle of a game.

Girardi hasn’t had any run-ins with Steinbrenner, though that may have a lot to do with the fact that ol’ George doesn’t know where he is right now.

Advantage: Girardi

Hollywood crossover appeal

Torre’s initial success in New York spawned a 1997 made-for-TV movie in which he was portrayed by Goodfellas star Paul Sorvino with pasta-swilling indifference.

Did I mention Tori Spelling’s husband played David Cone, and the homophobic black guy from Grey’s Anatomy played Dwight Gooden?

I mean, seriously, how is Joe Torre: Curveballs Along The Way not on DVD and Blu-Ray right now?

Additionally, Torre appeared as himself in Sesame Street, the 2002 Mafia comedy Analyze That, a bunch of awkward Subway ads with Willie Randolph (“This sub tastes like a home run!”), some show called Castle, and some other show called Gary Unmarried.

How he didn’t work himself into the George Costanza Yankee-arc of Seinfeld is baffling in retrospect.

Girardi has not appeared, or been portrayed in any film or television production as of press time.

Advantage: Torre

Off-the-field heroism quotient

On the night the Yankees beat the Phillies to clinch their 27th championship, Girardi was driving home when he came upon a woman who had been in a car accident. He flagged down a passing police cruiser and offered assistance to the victim.

“The guy wins the World Series, what does he do? He stops to help,” said Westchester County police officer Kathleen Cristiano. “It was totally surreal.”

No stories have ever surfaced of Torre stopping to help someone in danger on the side of the road. I like to think he has the Ivan Drago “If he dies, he dies” mentality.

Advantage: Girardi

Look

Girardi has the A**hole Cop-look down pat: White, physically fit, salt-and-pepper crew cut, square jaw, braces. Okay, the braces do kind of clash here, but apparently he got them for his daughter (which is weird in and of itself) so we’ll overlook it.

Torre, by contrast, gives off the appearance of the quiet grandfather who you don’t want to piss off. He’s always looked older than his age, with sagging bags under his eyes, heavy eyelids, and a nose out of central casting of the Godfather II flashback act.

Girardi is always on the top step, always intense, always looking like the next Jorge Posada passed ball will lead to his head actually exploding. Torre’s look on the bench ranges from disinterested to dead.

Advantage: Even

A-Rod approach

Torre once batted Alex Rodriguez eighth in a playoff elimination game (2006 ALDS in Detroit), and in The Yankee Years, revealed that Rodriguez’s own teammates called him “A-Fraud” behind his back. Kind of dick move, dude.

Girardi has treated A-Rod with kid baby prenatal gloves, standing behind his slugger during his 2009 PED admission, while steering clear of the various tabloid happenings that pop up each year.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Girardi has never actually had a conversation with his third baseman. This may be a better strategy than you think.

Advantage: Girardi

More fun to chill with

I estimate that Torre has roughly 358,000 incredible baseball stories that he’s never divulged to anyone but his closest friends.

I picture him to be a cigar and wine connoisseur who can put down two bottles of the best the house can offer without revealing a buzz.

I feel like Don Zimmer is liable to show up any time and tell some of the filthiest jokes you’ve ever heard. And let’s not even get into all the incredible Italian restaurants that you’ll eat at without spending a dime. Good times all around.

I imagine a wild night for Girardi involves a tonic water with an extra slice of lime. If he’s feeling especially frisky, he may play the Karate Kid II soundtrack at a very low volume on his modest home stereo system. And forget about staying up late, General Joe has a date with his Chuck Norris’ Total Gym® at 5 a.m.

Advantage: Torre

Bottom line

The transformation of the New York Yankees brand during Torre’s tenure cannot be overstated. He took over at a time when the franchise was improving, but still seen as a shadow of its former self.

Torre would become the face of the Yankees in his 12 years, an era that included 12 postseason appearances, six pennants, and four World Series titles. Was his timing impeccable? Sure, but you can’t argue with results.

Girardi is off to a fine start with the Yankees, and he certainly has the respect of his players and the media.

Ownership is far more patient now than in the days of The Boss, which makes you think Girardi could have a tenure that approaches or exceeds his predecessor’s.

That said, he still has a long way to go to earn the reputation of Torre, who put the cache back into being the manager of the Yankees.

Torre became a New York sports icon in his time in the Bronx, and for that, he has to retain the edge over his successor. Don’t tell Chuck Norris I said that though.

Dan Hanzus writes the Yankees blog River & Sunset and can be reached via e-mail at dhanzus@gmail.com. Follow Dan on Twitter @ danhanzus .

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As I was taking in the hideous stylings of one Allan James Burnett last night at Chase Field, I thought it would be fun to gauge the A.J. Love on some sure-to-be completely rational New York Yankee message boards.

The struggling right-hander had allowed three homers and five runs through one inning against the last-place Diamondbacks. Burnett, I reasoned, would be a periphery topic at the very least.

It turns out that Yankees fans—even-keeled lot that they are—were not happy with their supposed No. 2 starter.

Fred27 June 21st, 2010 at 10:20 pm

#34 needs to shave his face. What ever happened to the clean-cut yankee policy?

Chris W June 21st, 2010 at 10:23 pm

A.J., you are garbage.

Michelle June 21st, 2010 at 10:23 pm

AJ is an absolute joke. How does .500 pitcher=$82m?? He is absolutely useless.

Jim June 21st, 2010 at 10:23 pm

Like I have said before. Number 5 starter on this team by a mile. Please Cash get rid of this guy in the off season

dillpickler June 21st, 2010 at 10:25 pm

Can we just release this tattooed piece of garbage? Please? I’ll bet every Yankee fan in the country would donate $10 to pay off his pathetic contract. Just get rid of him.

M June 21st, 2010 at 10:26 pm

Burnett= NO heart. NO guts.

Burnett for Lee. Straight up. Get it done NOW, Cashman.

Disgrace to the uniform. I don’t care about the pies. That should be Swisher’s job.

Get off my team, you heartless POS.

Geez, man. A “heartless POS”? Did he kidnap your daughter or something?

As you can see, patience has become extremely short in Burnett. Never mind the outstanding April and a good-ish May, his 0-4, 10.35 ERA June is all that can be processed at this point.

I’ve long since passed the stage of frustration displayed by the maniacal posters above. For me, the 2009 World Series served as a microcosm of his career, and the point that doubled as the definitive statement of the 32-year-old’s limitations.

In Game Two at Yankee Stadium, Burnett blanked the Phillies for eight innings, essentially saving New York’s season. In Game Five at Citizens Bank Park, he came up smaller than Verne Troyer.

That’s A.J. Burnett.

He’s a .500 pitcher, who was lucky enough earn more than $100 million in his career because his good half of .500 tends to make him look like one of baseball’s best pitchers.

Clearly this isn’t the case, and if you’re unhappy that the Yankees dished out ace money for a pitcher without the consistency to assume that role, I can understand. But at what point do you stop getting angry and just accept Burnett for what he is?

It’s time to come to realization that this is a man who pitches in cycles. One is very, very good, and the other is very, very bad. I can promise you that a strong July is ahead, just as I can assure you August will leave you throwing pretzels at the TV again.

Try to pace yourself in terms of insults and frustration. There will be plenty of time for that before Burnett’s time in New York is done.

Dan Hanzus writes the Yankees blog River & Sunset and can be reached via e-mail at dhanzus@gmail.com. Follow Dan on Twitter at danhanzus .

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Complaining about CC Sabathia’s sluggish start with the Yankees is kind of like Tom Brady complaining that Gisele Bundchen hogs the covers when they’re in bed.

No one feels sorry for you. Get over yourself. And screw you for even bringing this up in mixed company.

Yankees fans are used to this apathetic mentality. New York’s 40-23 mark entering Tuesday’s action is tied for the best record in baseball, and as such, the fanbase would probably be wise to keep the griping to a minimum, lest a poor Orioles fan overhear any of the conversation and drive into a wall at 120 MPH.

But the idea that a Yankees fan, or a fan of any successful team, shouldn’t complain or doesn’t have the right to complain, is way off-base. Airing grievances about your star player, or manager, or mascot is central to the fan experience.

This brings me back to Carsten Charles Sabathia.

The Yankees’ ace started out well enough this season. He stumbled in his first start on opening night in Fenway Park, but then won four of his next five outings, pitching to a 1.93 ERA over 37.1 innings during that stretch. He even took a no-hitter into the eighth inning in Tampa on April 10.

But after a Fenway rain delay robbed him of a win on May 8, the Yankees lost the next four games Sabathia started. Implosions by Joba Chamberlain cost CC two wins during that stretch, but it was clear Sabathia wasn’t himself.

He righted the ship with wins in his last two starts, but they both came against the Minor League competition that is the Orioles. In fact, four of Sabathia’s six wins this season have come against Baltimore, baseball’s worst team.

Is it possible there are lingering effects from his heavy 2009 workload, when he threw a whopping 266.1 innings between the regular season and playoffs?

Cole Hamels racked up 262.1 innings during the Phillies’ run to the World Series title in 2008 and wasn’t nearly the same pitcher the next season. Of course, CC Sabathia is the size of two Cole Hamels. This is a man built to eat bacon cheeseburgers and innings, so you don’t worry about wear-and-tear nearly as much.

Besides, the Brewers did everything in their power to blow out Sabathia’s arm following his deadline trade to Milwaukee in 2008, and that clearly had no effect on the big man during his first season in pinstripes.

My theory is that Sabathia is dealing with a bit of a post-World Series hangover. He never reached the top of the mountain before last season, and now he’s finding it hard to start climbing again.

What he really needs is a shot of adrenaline, something or someone to push him back to that elite level.

Enter Roy Halladay.

The Yankees welcome the Phillies to the Stadium tonight, in a rematch of last year’s World Series. Sabathia will take the ball opposite Halladay, who has dominated the National League over his first 13 starts, going 8-4 with a 1.96 ERA.

Sabathia can make a statement by out-dueling Halladay, kick-starting his season in the process. It’s a mortal lock that Halladay will befuddle the Yankees—he did that for 10 years in Toronto. Sabathia will have to be as good or better.

What the Yankees need is for their No. 1 to pitch like a No. 1, and grab back the reigns of staff ace from Phil Hughes. Going head-to-head with the Doc may be just what Sabathia needs.

Dan Hanzus writes the Yankees blog River & Sunset and can be reached via e-mail at dhanzus@gmail.com. Follow Dan on Twitter at danhanzus .

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In the hours following Stephen Strasburg’s Brendan-Fraser-in-The-Scout -level debut for the Nationals on Tuesday, my buddy Howie posed this question to me (@danhanzus ) via Twitter:

Most trade value: Mauer, Hanley, Pujols or Strasburg? I say #Strasburg easy.

I said I thought Mauer may be the most valuable of the group, but the size of the catcher’s contract (eight years, $184 million) combined with Strasburg’s age (21) made the Nats right-hander the easy choice.

That got me thinking about which one of the Yankees had the most trade value. Hmmmm…

First some ground rules:

• I’m only concerning myself with the 25-man roster and a couple of the DL stashees right now. The downside, of course, is that I can’t use the eight to 10 stellar Kei Igawa jokes I had lined up.
• Money and age matter. Who would be more attractive to a prospective suitor: A-Rod, 34, with $170 million remaining on his contract, or Robinson Cano, 27, with $15 million left on his?
• I’m going to keep the Core Four out of the mix here. Even within the confines of a completely hypothetical blog post, it would be ridiculous to discuss the trade value of Jeter/Mo/Po/Pettitte. Those old dogs are staying on the porch.

Let’s get started…

22) Alex Rodriguez, 3B: A-Rod is smack in the middle of the most untradeable contract in the history of professional sports (10 years, up to $300 million with escalators, signed back in 2007).

You want insanity? The Yankees owe him $150 million in the next five seasons alone and are on the hook to pay him through his 42nd birthday in 2017.

The Yankees could offer to eat half of the remaining dollars, and I bet they still wouldn’t find a taker. It’s no surprise that the Rodriguez contract re-up also doubled as Hank Steinbrenner’s final act of defined power in the organization.

21) Nick Johnson, DH: Let’s face it, baseball’s Mr. Glass has zero trade value in his current state. He’s playing out a one-year, $5.5 million deal and he’s already on the shelf until at least September following wrist surgery. May this be a warning, not just to Brian Cashman, but to all decision-makers around the league: If the player walks with a limp, do not give him a multi-million dollar contract.

20) Chad Gaudin, RP: Money obviously isn’t the roadblock to dealing Gaudin so much as a consistent ability to not be crappy. The A’s already cut him loose this season, so that should tell you something.

19) Chan Ho Park, RP: Park had his moments with the Phillies last season, but he hasn’t shown much in pinstripes, other than a propensity to overshare regarding his gastrointestinal problems.

He’s playing out a one-year, $1.2 million deal and Brian Cashman would probably drive him to his next destination himself if he could get any real value back.

18) Kevin Russo, INF/OF

17) Ramiro Pena, INF

16) Marcus Thames, OF

Kevin Russo and Ramiro Pena are basically interchangeable—a couple of career reserves destined for a spot on the Long Island Ducks team bus in 2012.

Marcus Thames can actually hit, but he possesses the defensive skills of my seven-year-old cousin. Buyers beware.

15) Sergio Mitre, RP: The one-time Marlins prospect is now two years removed from Tommy John surgery and is playing out a one-year, $850,000 deal. He can start or come out of the ‘pen with intensely average results. That’s the hardest I can sell the dude.

14) Alfredo Aceves, RP: The Ace Man had been a major piece of the Yankees’ bullpen for two years, but he’s stuck with a back only Don Mattingly could love. If you don’t mind your setup men in traction, Aceves is the guy for you. Interested?

13) Damaso Marte, RP: Left-handed relief pitchers are always in demand, unless they’re Marte, who is in the second year of an unnecessarily gaudy three-year, $12 million deal.

Postseason heroics aside, Marte has been an enigma in pinstripes, and it’s still hard to justify why Cashman was so eager to lock him up.

12) David Robertson, RP: Don’t tell him I said this, but there are thousands of Dave Robertsons in the world. Every big league bullpen has at least three: a hard-throwing right-hander who misses bats but can’t consistently pitch clean innings.

Robertson’s K/9 rate may make him desirable when viewed in the right context, but the Yanks shouldn’t hold their breath on that Strasburg-for-Robertson offer.

11) CC Sabathia, SP: Obviously on a much smaller scale than A-Rod’s, but the size of Sabathia’s deal (seven years, $161 million, signed in 2009) makes the big man difficult to move in more ways than one. If you have the resources, trading for an ace left-hander in the prime of his career is certainly tempting.

But, then again, you’ll also be paying for Sabathia’s 2015 season, when a then-35-year-old Carsten Charles may need a crane to leave his house.

10) A.J. Burnett, SP: Burnett is more or less exactly the pitcher the Yankees thought they were getting when they signed the right-hander to a five-year, $82.5 million deal prior to the ’09 season.

Is he worth the $16.5 million annual rate his contract commands through 2013? Probably not, but his high upside, coupled with his ability to stay healthy for the past two-and-a-half years, would make him at least an intriguing thought for GMs around the league.

9) Mark Teixeira, 1B: The good news? Put aside the struggles that have accompanied his 2010 season, Teixeira is a 30-year-old, Gold Glove-winning first baseman who doubles as a virtual lock for 35+ homers and 120 RBIs every season.

The bad news? He’s in the second year of an eight-year, $180 million deal. If you have the scratch, he has immense trade value. But how many teams can even entertain that thought?

8) Francisco Cervelli, C: Cervelli remains an intriguing figure in the Yankees’ landscape. He was a prospect who couldn’t hit in the minors, then he got called up into emergency duty in 2009 and transformed himself into a .300 hitter at the big league level.

Cervelli’s sizzling start to 2010 was equally as impressive, though he seems to be in the midst of a stiff market correction (hitting .132 since May 25).

With the Yankees loaded at the catcher position in the farm system, it’s possible that Cervelli will become offseason trade bait. His defense, speed, youth, and enthusiasm would undoubtedly make him an attractive option to many teams.

7) Brett Gardner, LF: It’s hard to say what Gardner’s ceiling is at this point. Best-case scenario, he’s an evolutionary Brett Butler with a bigger head. Worst-case scenario, he’s a vagrant man’s Jacoby Ellsbury without the female fanclub. His blazing speed cannot be denied, however, and his league-minimum salary helps as well.

6) Nick Swisher, RF: The White Sox obviously didn’t think Swisher had much trade value, having dealt away the gregarious outfielder for the immortal Wilson Betemit, a move that ranks amongst Cashman’s very best.

Swisher has made Ozzie & Co. pay ever since, returning to the form that put him on the map with the Athletics in the mid-2000s.

The five-year, $26.75 million deal signed in 2007 seems like a steal for a consistent producer in the middle of the Yankees lineup and an all-around swell guy.

5) Javier Vazquez, SP: Now that Vazquez seems to have put his slow start behind him, he can once again be viewed as a welcome piece to any team’s pitching staff. He’s also in the walk year of a very reasonable three-year, $34.5 million deal.

If the Yankees were ever sellers in late July, Vazquez would be at the top of many lists.

4) Curtis Granderson, CF: A groin injury wiped out a month of his first half, so Yankees fans still haven’t gotten the full Granderson Effect.

But the speedy center fielder was a coveted player on Brian Cashman’s wish list for some time, and his five-tool abilities, good-guy reputation, and reasonable salary ($5.5 million in ’10, $8.25 million in ’11, $10 million in ’12) make him a desirable asset to many teams.

3) Joba Chamberlain, RP: Make no mistake, if the Yankees ever put Joba on the block, there would be interest.

Yankees fans—not to mention the Yankees themselves—are still trying to recalibrate Chamberlain’s upside following his electric 2007 debut, but you can imagine teams would line up at the thought of making the 25-year-old their next closer.

Couple his potential with his affordability—he’s earning just over the Major League minimum right now and becomes arbitration-eligible in 2011—and he’s one sexy carrot.  Please don’t tell him I said that. In fact, let’s just move on …

2) Phil Hughes, SP: After three years of build up, Hughes has emerged as a Cy Young candidate in 2010. He’s just 23 years old. He’s essentially making the league minimum with three more years before he can become an unrestricted free agent. Yes, I’d say Mr. Hughes has a rather high trade value.

Brian Cashman resisted the temptation of shipping Hughes to the Twins in exchange for Johan Santana back in 2007, and the team is reaping the benefits of that decision now. It was the type of restraint the Yankees are famous for not having, and hopefully the organization learned an important lesson in the process.

1) Robinson Cano, 2B: For all the good things Cano had done in his previous five seasons in New York, he always seemed to leave fans expecting more. That’s changed in 2010, with Cano in the midst of legitimate MVP-level campaign.

Just entering his prime at age 27, Cano is in the third year of an increasingly reasonable four-year, $30 million deal, which includes club options for 2011 and 2012.

When you factor in his production, upside, and affordability, Robbie is easily the Yankee with the highest trade value. And somewhere in an underground club in Atlanta, Melky hoists up a glow stick in his best friend’s honor.

Dan Hanzus writes the Yankees blog River & Sunset and can be reached via e-mail at dhanzus@gmail.com. Follow Dan on Twitter at danhanzus .

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When Mark Teixeira struck out for the fifth time against the Blue Jays on Saturday, it did more than just match the worst individual performance of his career.

It also marked the exact moment the Yankees first baseman finally hit rock bottom.

It had been a long, strange trip to get there, prolonged slumps followed by promising breakouts followed by prolonged slumps. Teixeira’s confidence eroded with each strikeout at Rogers Centre, his approach growing more tentative with each failure.

By the time he faced the immortal Casey Janssen in the 13th inning of a 2-2 game, the look in Teixeira’s eyes betrayed the front he was trying to put up.

He was lost.

The two-time All-Star got ahead in the count 3-0 and still struck out, feebly waving at a pedestrian slider to conclude his day. He dipped his head and walked back to the dugout, the Diamond-Encrusted Sombrero resting firmly upon his head.

Yankees broadcaster John Sterling has a well-worn maxim he uses whenever something unexpected happens and it goes something like this: “Ya know Suzyn…you CAN’T figure out baseball!” He usually chuckles after he makes this statement then references a Broadway play from the 1920s.

I’m not sure if Sterling has uttered that line about Teixeira’s 2010 season, but it absolutely applies. There’s really no way to understand how 57 games into the season, Teixeira has been one of baseball’s worst hitters.

Make no mistake, he has been one of the league’s worst offensive players. I don’t exactly count myself among the Sabermetric enlightened, but Teixeira has to be ground zero in the argument that the RBI is baseball’s most misleading statistic.

Teixeira has driven in 34 runs this season. The average total for a Major League first baseman is 21. Weird, right?

From an outsider’s perspective it would seem that Teixeira is coming around. He finished May with a very respectable .280 average, hitting six homers with 25 RBIs.

But for those who have watched the majority of his at-bats—including, one can assume, most of the people reading this very blog right now—you know that Teixeira’s May was a smoke-and-mirrors job all the way.

Fifty percent of his homers and 20 percent of his RBIs for the month came in one blowout win at Fenway Park on May 8. In some ways, his second month was more frustrating than his washout of an April.

Teixeira followed his nightmare Saturday with another 0-for-4 on Sunday, dropping his average to .211. If he can’t come out of his slump this week—and with a trip to Camden Yards and the 16-41 Orioles on the horizon, he won’t have much of an excuse—then the whispers will turn into a roar for Teixeira to be dropped out of his customary No. 3 spot in the order.

Girardi is notoriously stubborn, so I doubt any changes will come. From his perspective, you have to believe he doesn’t want to mess with Robbie Cano (the presumed No. 3 fill-in), who has taken to the fifth spot so well.

But desperate times call for desperate measures, and we’ve reached virgin-on-prom-night levels of gloom here. Joe Torre once dropped Alex Rodriguez to eighth in the Yankees lineup (in a playoff game, no less!), a move, that despite its best intentions was pretty, well, stupid.

In Teixiera’s case, nothing nearly that rash is necessary. But he could use the change of scenery to get his mind in a different place. Perhaps flip-flop him with Jorge Posada, another switch-hitter, proven run producer, and a veteran who the mental makeup to produce wherever he bats. Teixeira can hit behind Cano and get his confidence back to 2009-levels of robotic efficiency.

Then, when the time is right, re-insert him at the third spot and away you go.

It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day life of baseball. Six months of action lends itself to blowing things out of proportion. Look no further than at Javier Vazquez, who 90 percent of Yankees would’ve traded for a bucket of rocks 30 days ago.

He now has the same number of wins as CC Sabathia.

Chances are that Teixeira will figure this out. Career .286 hitters don’t just go into a tailspin in the middle of their primes. But perhaps Teixeira could use a little push in the right direction. A trip south in the lineup may be just the mental vacation he needs.

Dan Hanzus writes the Yankees blog River & Sunset and can be reached via e-mail at dhanzus@gmail.com. Follow Dan on Twitter at danhanzus .

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I don’t know who pissed him off, but Grim Reaper is on a mean tear lately.

First was Dennis Hopper. Then Gary Coleman. Then Rue McClanahan. Now it sounds like John Wooden.

With all that grim business in the air, perhaps it was fitting that the Yankees just played host to two teams whose fanbases kicked the bucket a long time ago.

Seriously though, can you remember the last time teams as putrid as the Indians and Orioles staggered into Yankee Stadium in back-to-back series?

That’s actually not fair to the Indians—they managed to win a game with the help of Joba Chamberlain, who had one of his patented, “Man, P.J. Clarke’s really doesn’t have an over-serve policy !” looks on face last Saturday.

The Orioles may be the worst team I’ve ever seen. O’s manager Dave Trembley finally got canned after New York completed the sweep on Thursday. I was starting to wonder if Trembley had video of a cross-dressing Cal Ripken Jr. slinging rock to the teens of Bulletmore, Murderland.

Apparently not. But Detectives Bunk and McNulty will be watching you, Mr. Ripken.

Because of the utter suck that lined the third-base dugout in the past week, it was almost impossible to get a read on the state of the Yankees. From a pure numbers standpoint, they were dominant. New York won six of the seven games, outscoring opponents by a 55-25 margin.

But I’ve watched high school teams that could beat up on the Kevin Millwood that showed up on Thursday. The man tripped over himself trying to throw a pitch at one point. I had to rewind my DVR to make sure there wasn’t a banana peel next to the rubber. The O’s are cartoon bad. I think Miguel Tejada was bludgeoned by an anvil at one point.

But back to the Yankees. After seven innings of one-run ball on Tuesday, do we know for sure if Javier Vazquez is back on track? How about CC Sabathia, who allowed two more homers on Thursday but still managed to pick up his first victory in nearly a month? Is Mariano Rivera (2-for-2 in save chances) out of his funk?

Against that caliber of opponent, it’s hard to say.

Thankfully, some things I’m more sure about.

If Robbie Cano gets any hotter, he’ll burst into flames. He has a MLB-best 17-game hitting streak, and even more impressive, he’s hitting 3.038 during that stretch. That’s actually a lie. It’s .465 (33-for-71), but it seems better than that. You may be looking at the MVP at second base, folks.

Derek Jeter is also on a tear, hiking his average 36 points in his last 11 games (.267 to .303). Still think Nomah is better? Alex Rodriguez, Nick Swisher, and Curtis Granderson are also hitting well, covering Mark Teixeira’s butt for another week.

The Yankees return to the realm of big league baseball on Friday when they begin a weekend series at SkyDome Rogers Centre against the Blue Jays. It was about this time last season when a surprising start gave way to a tailspin for Cito Gasten’s team. Coming off two awful losses to the Rays this week, are the Jays about to free fall again?

On a semi-related note, is this the year when Gasten will finally age like a normal human being? It’s like a Madame Tussauds exhibit in that dugout. It’s creepy.

Watching the Yankees attempt to build on a winning streak and witnessing a potential brush with the undead/supernatural? Yes, I believe this is worth scrapping your weekend plans for.

Dan Hanzus writes the Yankees blog River & Sunset and can be reached via e-mail at dhanzus@gmail.com. Follow Dan on Twitter at danhanzus .

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