Kuzul

Pedro Martinez has made quite a career for himself. He has toed the rubber for the Los Angeles Dodgers, Montreal Expos, Boston Red Sox, New York Mets and Philadelphia Phillies. Martinez reached the pinnacle of his career, winning his only World Series title in 2004 with Boston.

He currently sits as a free agent, waiting to see if his services will be needed by any of this season’s contenders. We, however, currently sit with zero chance of our services being needed by any of this season’s contenders.

So instead of hoping for the phone to ring, our agent on the other end with a plane ticket to some mythical ballpark in hand, we are sitting here reading about how great Martinez’s career has been and trying to figure out if it will continue, or even if it should continue. If we are being honest, we are also trying to figure out if we could have been in Pedro’s position right now had someone in our childhood not crushed our dreams and forced us into desk jobs.

Hey, I can’t even throw a ball 60’6”, so I’m certainly not beating myself up about it. You, however…you may have actually had some skill and let it slip through your fingers at some point in your life, thus leaving you stuck reading my ramblings instead of trying to convince your GM to sign Martinez for your team’s playoff push.

Let’s see who might benefit from Martinez’s services. If you disagree, then please let me know, and if you agree, then please vote for Pedro and the team you think he should go to in the comment section. I am immediately eliminating the Detroit Tigers and the Detroit Lions because one is a football team and together they form a Liger, which is pretty much my favorite animal.

The entire previous paragraph is useless banter written solely to interject juvenile humor from the once popular and never out of style movie, Napoleon Dynamite.

OK, time to get serious. In my opinion it makes zero sense for a team that has no shot at the postseason to bring Pedro to its city. This in mind, I selected only teams that I think will have a chance, however small, at the playoffs and who might be looking for an additional arm to help them get over the hump.

Also, I don’t see Martinez as a closer. He just doesn’t have the arm for that anymore. So this narrows the field just a bit more to include teams that might only need starters and/or setup guys.

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To make life easier, let’s just say that Dice-K cost a clean $100 million. I mean, that extra $3,111,111.11 really isn’t anything to write home about anyway. I can easily make that much money in three, maybe four lifetimes.

With that absurd amount of Benjamin’s, I’d buy Roy Halladay. Halladay was signed through 2013 with a 3year/$60 million contract. I’d rather have spent my money on three years of Halladay instead of six years of Daisuke Matsuzaka.

With the remaining (approximately) $40 million, I’d have taken the Boston Red Sox, the entire AL East, the rest of the American League and their counterparts in the National League out to Sizzler for an all-you-can-eat steak dinner. And if anything is left over, maybe some Pink (read: crack) Berry afterward.

If anyone has too much to drink, Dice-K will be available as the designated driver to ferry people home free of charge. After all, he doesn’t really need the money now, does he?

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Stephen Strasburg and Adam Wainwright would have been two of my answers to this column’s question before they were both sidelined with elbow injuries that will keep them off the diamond for most, if not all, of this season.

A team’s rotation is pretty fluid throughout the course of a year. In a 162-game season, teams will be plagued with injuries and most of these injuries will find pitchers sitting on the DL picking their noses with their good arms while their team pushes forward in an effort to make the postseason. Strasburg will do that this year as his teammate and fellow hurler Jordan Zimmerman did last year. 

Who will catch the injury bug is impossible to predict. I thought that Justin Verlander would have thrown his arm out of the socket by now considering how many innings and pitches he throws. He is overused in my opinion yet he still keeps trucking along at an amazing pace, throwing upper 90 fastballs and chalking up W’s for the Tigers.

I was counting on Adam Wainwright to anchor my fantasy team this year until his arm called it quits and forced me to draft John “lackluster” Lackey and Brian Matusz in an attempt to compensate for the loss. Matusz is now injured as well, nursing a hang nail or something.

Needless to say I am getting my grapes stomped thus far in fantasy but I’m not here to whine about that. I’m here to let you know who is going to garner the most wins per team this season and why.

You may disagree with me, as a lot of you so often do, or you may agree 100 percent with me as nobody ever does, but either way I won’t know if you don’t leave a comment. So please let me know your thoughts on this matter in the comment section. Thanks and enjoy. First up is the AL East. 

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This is an insane column, folks. Why would the Seattle Mariners trade Felix Hernandez before the trade deadline? Why would they trade him ever?

To butcher a line from my good friend (never met the man) Allen Iverson, “Felix? We talkin’ ‘bout King Felix?”

I went to Arizona last year for spring training with a friend who was “in” with the Seattle brass. We were hooked up with game tickets, as well as being able to meet and mingle with the players, etc.

I got a really good look at Seattle’s pitching staff that year, and if somebody told me that they were going to trade Cliff Lee, I would have performed, right there on the spot, my best Iverson impersonation: “Lee? We talkin’ ‘bout Cliff Lee?”

I would have bet my bank account (good for about two trips to Bojangles—Bo-rounds one trip and seasoned fries the next; gotta mix things up a bit—and a nosebleed seat to a Bobcats game—I’m trying to embrace my new surroundings since my move from Los Angeles) the Mariners wouldn’t trade Lee.

Thankfully, I never made that bet because 1) I love Bo-rounds and B) the Mariners shipped Mr. Lee to the Texas Rangers for first baseman Justin Smoak, a couple of young pitchers and some other guy. The Rangers, incidentally, went on to play in the World Series. The Mariners did not.

You can look at this thing two ways. First, you can ask yourself how the Mariners could essentially make the same mistake two years in a row and thus conclude that writing about a King Felix trade is just an extreme waste of my time, or you can pitch your tent on the other side of camp, where the “well, they did it before, so I can see them doing it again” people reside. Where are you most comfortable?

In order to trade Hernandez, Seattle must believe it has some extremely pressing needs at the plate. Looking at last year’s Cliff Lee trade, we see that the Mariners definitely upgraded their bats and defense with Justin Smoak, a very promising young slugger.

You see, Seattle went into last season making a deep run in the playoffs without even playing a single inning. In addition to Cliff Lee, they acquired Chone Figgins at third base, Casey Kotchman at first base and Milton Bradley in the outfield. They were stacked to make a run for it.

Then Bradley self-destructed (big surprise there), Figgins essentially decided to take the year off but still collect his paycheck and Kotchman proved that there was a significant reason why the Red Sox only used him as a “just-in-case” man. All of these things made Seattle believe they needed to move Lee for some bats. What will make them believe that this year?

In taking a look at Seattle’s roster, not much impresses me. There is the ageless Ichiro Suzuki manning the outfield, Justin Smoak at first and then there is…well…you tell me. Miguel Olivo is a decent enough catcher, batting .318 with Colorado last season, but then again, Chone Figgins was good before his move to Seattle.

Unfortunately, the Mariners’ Gold Glove center fielder, Franklin Gutierrez, has a stomach illness that they’re unable to diagnose, and thus he’s listed third on the depth chart at his position. It seems that the Mariners have big bat concerns.

As for its starting pitching, Seattle has King Felix and not much else to write home about. At this point the question becomes, what can you do to improve your team overall, and does keeping Hernandez actually hurt you since he can’t singlehandedly take you to the playoffs?

I argue that they have to trade the man. He is worth so much in return, especially to teams that have a legitimate shot at the playoffs this year. Seattle has little else in the way of trade chips; in fact, it has nothing else. Holding on to Hernandez would be the wrong move for the Mariners.

I understand that the fans will have to wait several more years for their team to be contenders, but with last year’s trade blunders behind them, it is time to start anew.

If you believe that King Felix needs to be traded, then the “who will take him” problem comes into play. There are the usual suspects, led by the New York Yankees.

It seems that the Bronx Bombers aren’t exactly awesome on the mound this year—at least not as awesome as they would like to be. CC Sabathia is followed by Phil Hughes (promising but not an ace), A.J. Burnett (overpaid and underperforming), Ivan Nova (who?) and finally Freddy Garcia (everybody rejoice—he won his final spring training game, whoop-dee-doo).

The Yankees brass knows that rotation won’t hold up to a healthy Red Sox lineup with additions Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez, and that is whom they’re fighting for a playoff berth.

The Yankees are very much the team to beat in the King Felix trade discussions. The Phillies will be making a playoff run but have no room for Hernandez. Tell me where you would place King Felix in a rotation with Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels, Roy Oswalt and Joe Blanton.

On ESPN yesterday Curt Schilling projected the Milwaukee Brewers to win the NL Central, and he may be right. They are looking very strong at the plate. It isn’t inconceivable that they would make a run at King Felix. Hernandez would make a very nice addition to a rotation led by youngster Yovani Gallardo.

But whom would they give up for the best pitcher in baseball? If they were making a World Series run, they would still need Prince Fielder’s bat in their lineup along with the other Brew Crew starters. Maybe they have an unbelievable farm system that Seattle can raid in return; I don’t know.

The Boston Red Sox have no need for Hernandez. They are pitching Jon Lester, Josh Beckett, John Lackey, Clay Buchholz and Daisuke Matsuzaka. All are under long-term contracts, and all are pretty damn good.

Maybe the Cubbies or Mets would take a run at the King, but I don’t see them landing him.

My take on Seattle’s situation is grim. They won’t make the playoffs by keeping King Felix, and they won’t make the playoffs by trading him, at least not this year. I project that Seattle shops him around before the deadline and that Hernandez gets snatched up by the only team in Major League Baseball that has the money, prospects and current roster players to make such a deal: the New York Yankees.

The Yanks were spurned by Cliff Lee and are scared of the Red Sox additions. With the Baltimore Orioles adding a lot of pop to their batting order this offseason, the boys in pinstripes are staring third place in the AL East squarely in the face. King Felix could change all of that.

By the trade deadline I see the Yankees mortgaging the farm to acquire Felix Hernandez and the remainder of his five-year, $78 million contract. I also see Seattle being the better for it in a couple of years when the zillions of top-rated prospects that they’ll surely get in return finally showcase their abilities at Safeco Field.

Speaking of the Yankees and pitchers, here is a little trivia for you. The Yankees had a guy pitching for them at one point who was the winningest left-handed pitcher in baseball over a three-year span. The twist is that he wasn’t pitching for the Bronx Bombers when he held this distinction. Can you name the player and the years?

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We’ve all heard of Roger Clemens and Manny Ramirez and their “alleged” flirtation with performance enhancing drugs (PEDs). We know about Andy Pettitte (just seems like an inordinate amount of t’s in his name), and his admitted drug abuse in order to get a leg up on the competition in Major League Baseball.

Alex Rodriguez has been called “A-Roid” more times in a season than there are pennies in his ridiculously bloated contract. PEDs were, and probably will continue to be, a big problem in the big leagues.

With that in mind, I have researched a few excuses provided by the rule-breaking players and here are a few that caught my attention.

Unfortunately, there are plenty more cheaters and excuses out there, so please share them with me in the comments section.

Also, let me know your thoughts on PEDs in the MLB.

Do you think the game should just allow them? Would it be a better game for the fans if the players could legally juice? Should it be their choice since it’s their body? Let me know. Thanks.

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When it comes to his lineup, Boston Red Sox Manager Terry Francona has a lot of difficult decisions to make. He was handed some of the best puzzle pieces around and was told to “Tetris” them together to the best of his ability.

Francona better invest in those extra big pencil erasers that you used to buy in elementary school. You know, the ones that fit onto the end of the writing utensil over the small eraser that’s already attached to the pencil. I think Tito will be going through quite a few of those.

Not only will he spend this Spring Training figuring out the Red Sox best lineup, but he must also figure out secondary lineups for certain pitchers (lefties or righties) and certain ballparks. In addition he will need to run scenarios in his head to see what he would switch around if, say Jacoby Ellsbury gets in a slump or Youkilis were to become injured. What would his back-up lineups look like?

What if they would need to call some players up? Who would be the most likely minor leaguer to make the trip to Fenway and where would they best be suited in this batting order? There is a lot on Tito’s plate right now, but I don’t think he would want it any other way.

It’s my job to figure out the best way for Francona to set the 2011 Boston Red Sox starting lineup and your job to tell me where I went wrong or right (I’ll always take positive reinforcement) in the comment section.

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The 2011 Boston Red Sox are begging for us to examine who will be the better offseason addition—Carl Crawford or Adrian Gonzalez? Which player will have a bigger impact in the Fens?

With the acquisitions of Gonzalez and Crawford the Boston Red Sox added quite a bit of talent to their starting squad.

Adrian Beltre and Mike Cameron will no longer be starting and instead are replaced by Kevin Youkilis and Jacoby Ellsbury. Oddly enough both Youk and Ells will be moving back to the positions where they originally started, third base and center field respectively.

Youkilis and Ellsbury are an upgrade over Beltre and Cameron, two guys who were brought in as short-term fillers and while Cameron is no longer starting it is good to have him as added depth in an outfield that is certainly not immune to injury.

The shift in positions leaves first base and left field to be patrolled by Gonzalez and Crawford.

I guess what I am trying to say is that the Red Sox are now fielding the starters that were meant to be starting. One exception to this statement would be Marco Scutaro, however Jed Lowrie might very well take over starting duties at shortstop and if so the Fenway faithful will field nine with no temporary replacement plug-ins.

While both acquisitions are huge for Boston, Adrian Gonzalez was the bigger move and here are a few reasons why.

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With so many high profile faces coming to the Boston Red Sox, it seems only fitting that some big time nicknames be assigned. We need to find ones befitting the size of the contracts, power of the bats, and overall exceptional play expected from these guys.

David Ortiz takes the nickname cake with Big Papi. It fits him perfectly. He is a slugger of a DH who has come through time and again in clutch situations with the needed home run jack or sack fly. No Red Sox, or Yankees fan for that matter, can forget the walk off hits he had in the 2004 come-from-behind American League Championship Series.

Big Papi is perfect for Ortiz, so what about incoming transfers Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford? Usually I would hesitate to assign a sweet moniker to a couple of newbies, but these guys have signed contracts bigger than Dustin Pedroia’s ego (and I mean that lovingly Pedey), so you have to figure that they are in a two sox uniform for the long haul.

Without further ado, a list of the Boston Red Sox players and my attempt (I use that term loosely) at their nicknames.

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The Cliff Lee decision, barring any unforeseen final efforts like the Nationals offering Jayson Werth-like money, seems to be narrowed down to the Texas Rangers and the New York Yankees.

If both are offering seven-year deals and both are dangling similar amounts of money, then what might be the tipping point for Lee?

I would argue that the decision-making factor for Lee might be the same one that swayed LeBron James in his decision to go to Miami.

Now, I am not pretending that this was the only issue in James’ decision, but I can’t help but feel that it was certainly a big-time factor.

LeBron decided not to go to the New York Knicks. Instead, he opted for the Miami Heat. Miami, being located in Florida, has no personal state income tax, whereas New York taxes at nine percent, among the highest in the country.

Did this influence LeBron’s decision? I don’t know. Will it influence Cliff Lee’s decision that the Texas constitution restricts a personal income tax? Let’s take a closer look.

New Yorkers will argue, and they may have a point, that Cliff Lee will make more money as a Yankee than as a Texas Ranger simply from the all of the off-field things that Yankees tend to bank more coin doing: appearances, autograph signings, endorsements in New York vs. those in Texas, etc.

But that money is income-earned outside of and in addition to the contract that he’ll sign. More income, mind you, on which he will pay more taxes.

Let’s just focus on the tax issue as far as his contract is concerned. He will be playing the majority of his games (home games) in either Texas or New York.

This means that the majority of the time he will be paying the income taxes in either of those two states. The Rangers also play additional games against Houston, which being in Texas, will save Lee more money.

Also consider where Cliff Lee would live. If you play for New York you would probably want to live in Manhattan. If you choose to reside in that borough, and why wouldn’t you, then you will be adding roughly an additional four percent city tax to your already huge tax burden.

Sure, Cliff Lee could live in New Jersey or Connecticut in order to save some tax money but if that is his train of thought then he would just sign with Texas and not pay those taxes in the first place.

The Steinbrenners, however, have come up with a pseudo-solution to the corner in which their tax-heavy state has painted the Yankees.

It is rumored that the Steinbrenners have been known to pay the local taxes for their players as an enticement to sign with the Bombers. Not a bad deal.

Plus there are accountants more than willing to work with a player like Cliff Lee who can shelter his money from these taxes through certain deductions, etc…

So, will the tax price tag that comes with living in one of the most expensive cities in America push Cliff Lee to stay in the Lone Star State or will he go for the pinstripes and pay income tax?

At the amount of money Lee is going to make, I am not sure it will even matter to him. But if he is listening and the tax burden is not an issue to Cliff Lee, then I propose that he stay in Texas and take nine percent of his income and make the check out to Jeff Cockey. Or he could give it to a charity, I suppose.

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Buster Olney, through ESPN, has given us his projected Red Sox batting order. Let’s critique, shall we?

According to Buster Olney, the Red Sox will lead off with 2008 MVP Dustin Pedroia, followed by Carl Crawford, Kevin Youkilis and recently acquired Adrian Gonzalez batting leadoff. After that, they will still have David Ortiz, Jed Lowrie, JD Drew, Jarrod Saltalamacchia and Jacoby Ellsbury. 2011 can’t come fast enough for the Red Sox Nation.

Let’s first assume that Olney meant to say Gonzalez will be batting clean up. Secondly, I am not sure I like this order very much. Let us play armchair manager and put together a stacked Red Sox batting order.

I’d like to figure out who will be playing what position next year. As of right now, playing catcher will be Jarrod Saltalamacchia. The newly acquired Gonzalez will occupy first base, while Pedroia will aptly handle second base duties.

We can take Olney’s route and assume that Lowrie will be our starting shortstop. We all hope he will be in top condition with no injuries, but he has been known to hurt a few things along the way.

Moving from first base and occupying third, this coming season, will be none other than the guy who just puts his head down and plays ball, Mr. Youkilis. Once again, in left field will be the speedy Ellsbury, while taking over duties in center will be newly acquired and equally as speedy Crawford. Right field duties will be left to injury prone, but still with a cannon for an arm, Drew.

Now if those hold true, then here is what I believe should be the Boston Red Sox opening day lineup:

Leading off: Jacoby Ellsbury—When not injured, he was a league leader in steals, and he is becoming more patient at the plate with every at bat.

Batting second should be Dustin Pedroia—Why mess with this successful combination at the beginning of the order?

Give me a powerful bat in Gonzalez next. The guy can flat out hit, but it being his first year at Fenway, I think he would better serve the team batting third and leaving clean-up to the bald guy.

Clean-up duties would be handed to Youkilis. Youk has proven time and time again to be the consistent clutch hitter that the Red Sox fans love so dearly. The guy is a player and belongs in this spot.

After Youk, it gets a little tricky, but here is my logic.

Next let’s bat Crawford. With the acquisition of Crawford and Gonzalez, the Sox have the luxury of essentially starting their batting order over again after the clean-up spot.

Batting sixth would be Lowrie. He showed us last year that he is constantly improving, and if he can remain healthy, he is an on-base type of player that can provide RBI for the next guy.

Batting seventh, I would bring Drew to the plate. The two guys ahead of him have gotten on base, and he has the bat to bring them home. If he cannot succeed, then most certainly the best DH in baseball can.

In the eighth spot, and hopefully not starting his season off as slowly as the past two years, would be Ortiz. Even with the first month slump of the past two seasons, Ortiz has knocked in 20-30 plus homers and around 100 RBI consistently.

And rounding out the Sox lineup at the bottom of the batting order would be Saltalamacchia. The kid may be a decent hitter, but with the power and on-base percentage this club has on its roster, Saltalamcchia would be relegated to the ninth spot.

Many things may and probably will change between now and opening day. Injuries and further acquisitions will definitely affect the Fenway landscape, but as for now, this is how I would do it if Tito Francona were to call me up and hand me the reins.

How would you set this power packed line-up?

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