Kuzul

It doesn’t take much talent to make a boy band, but the Braves couldn’t even pull that off. This tone deaf, rhythm-less, group of players couldn’t even lip-synch their way to a performance that didn’t leave the audience running for exits with blood protruding from their ears.

Several prominent Braves decided to share their holiday cheer by butchering “Jingle Bells” into a unrecognizable horror.

This performance was impressive for one notable reason: It is hard to imagine anyone doing a worse job.

Manager Fredi Gonzalez ends the aural torture by wishing everyone a happy holidays, and telling us that his ballclub “may not be worth a bag of baseballs when it comes to singing, but they sure can play some baseball.”

So it appears as if the rascally Braves may not have been trying to flex their pipes after all. Perhaps this horror show they masqueraded as singing was all part of the plan?

My guess is that this was just a talented e-card director adjusting on the fly. The Braves likely showed up to record a holiday greeting in four-part harmony, complete with dance moves, and upon realizing that these guys really couldn’t sing the director decided to go for a different approach. Who knows?

What I do know is, I am sending this e-card to everyone on my naughty list. This card is the coal.  

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When the Rangers came back in the ninth inning to beat the Cardinals in Game 2 they won the series. The Cardinals needed to sweep the first two at home to have a chance in this one.

Now the series returns to Texas where the conditions, ballpark and rules benefit the Rangers’ dynamic offense. Here is how it will all unfold.

They Will Split Games 3 and 4

My initial inclination is to think the Rangers will sweep the Cardinals in Texas. This offense is on the verge of exploding, and they will be facing less than elite pitching in the next two games.

However, this is a scrappy Cardinals team with a strong offense of their own. I see their offense exploding for a big inning either against Matt Hamilton or Derek Holland. Neither guy has been able to get deep into games this postseason, and it will cost the Rangers a game.

Rangers Will Beat Chris Carpenter

That split will set the table for a huge Game 5. And the edge would seem to side with the Cardinals with staff ace Chris Carpenter on the mound. However, Carpenter was not quite as sharp in his last start as he had been.

He only allowed two runs over six innings, but the Rangers were close to touching him up for more.

They will do just that in this one, and crush the Cardinals’ hopes in the process.

Rangers Win in Six

The Cardinals have bounced back from a lot this season, but they will not be able to recover from losing that huge Game 5.

Just as they did against Carpenter, the Rangers offense will have much more success against Jamie Garcia the second time around. The Rangers will win this one in six and finish what they couldn’t quite do last year.

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The Philadelphia Phillies are going to have to replace Ryan Howard’s production, and that will ultimately lead to them being a stronger team in 2012.

Howard and the Phillies are still awaiting the results of an MRI to determine if his Achilles’ tendon is indeed torn, but all indications point to that being the case. That will almost certainly shelve Howard for the entire 2012 season.

With Howard out of the Phillies’ plans for 2012, the Phillies will have no possibility hiding under the false illusion that their weak offense is enough to win the World Series in 2012.

They will have to be aggressive in the offseason to replace Howard’s prodigious production. Howard hit .253 with 31 home runs and 108 RBI this season.

His home run and RBI totals led the Phillies. He had 23 more RBI than the next closest Phillie.

The Phillies will have to scour the free-agent market for a good bat. This will not be enough, though, and this is where the injury will benefit them the most.

In order to replace that production, the Phillies will likely be forced to trade one of their big four starting pitchers.

Starting pitching is always at a premium in baseball. The Phillies have an excess. While having a pitching staff with that depth does wonders in the regular season, it is not as big of an advantage in the postseason. Pitching rotations are shortened. Three quality starters is enough to carry a team to a title.

If the Phillies can trade one of those starters and bring in a couple of good bats, then they will become a better team in the process.

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Forbes has released its list of the most valuable franchise in Major League Baseball. And, as in most things that have to do with money, they appear to have done a terrific and thorough job.

According to Forbes, the value of baseball franchises has never been higher. Still, some of the more valuable teams, like the Mets, also are the most financially troubled.

The most shocking and disturbing thing about this list is the gap between the value of the top teams and the bottom teams.

Now, I want you to enjoy this slideshow so I won’t give away too many details, but the gap is larger than a billion dollars. The increase in value is fairly slow and steady until we approach the upper-echelon of organizations.

I’ll leave the dynamics of how and where the teams are generating their revenue and value to Forbes.

We are going to discuss how this value affects their payroll and what kind of production they are receiving for their payroll. We can also mix in a little future speculation.

Notes: The 2011 salary figures are estimates that include projected arbitration etc. by Baseball-Reference.com. The individual salaries for players were obtained on SportsCity.com.

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Make no mistake about it—there are still some Major League Baseball trades and free agent signings forthcoming, but the Hot Stove has ended. That means it is not too early to release the MLB 2011 offseason power rankings.

See which teams still have some moving and shaking to do to resurrect from the cellar, and see which ones can sit back and wait for something to fall into their lap, secure in the knowledge they have already had a successful offseason.

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