From Palm Springs to City of Palms, Red Sox Nation has sought professional help for their stressful inability to handle the agony of defeat.
As for ownership, they have applied from the city of Boston for a license to offer mixed drinks at Fenway to help fans cope with the most expensive, losing team in Sox history.
See WHDH-TV – Board approves sale of mixed drinks at Fenway for details.
Hard-drinking Red Sox fans could start to flood counseling centers across America after watching the Sox play for three or four hours at the Fenway Saloon.
Many fans that wear pink hats may begin to see pink elephants as the nightcaps flow along the concession stands.
Can plain brown paper bags as head-wear be far behind for bleacher bums? Who cares if the Sox lose when you’re in Marguerita-ville?
At the new Fenway Bar and Grille, you can sit on barstools in the Monster seats while the pitching staff is grilled.
Many fans are still trying to buy tickets to Fenway Park to satisfy their desperate need to see good pitching. More are realizing that the fix may not be found at Friendly Fenway, but at least they can find a Sloe Gin Fizz while the Sox fizzle.
A couple of Cape Codders may be just what the bartender recommends to the couple that drove up from Barnstable on Old Cape Cod.
On the cocktail list is the cool and refreshing green Grasshopper, made from crème de menthe and some light cream.
Now your drink will color coordinate with the Green Wall.
Strung out Red Sox fans will demand that Theo Epstein needs to find a Man with a Golden Arm.
No, we do not mean another pitcher, but a cocktail wizard who can make a pitcher of martinis.
Red Sox fans are growing used to seeing the starter chased in the second inning. Now the chaser will arrive in the third inning.
As the pitching staff gets shellacked, fans will now be singing a few bars of “My Melancholy Baby” instead of “Sweet Caroline.”
Many long-time Sox addicts have been grateful for A Hatful of Rain recently. It may be a Long Day’s Journey into Night before genuine sobriety and victory emerge again for Red Sox Nation.
No one wants another Lost Weekend or even the Days of Wine and Roses. If Red Sox losses continue, what strange brew will become the choice of designated drivers?
Meanwhile, Red Sox Nation will have another round. When you’re in the cellar of the American League, there’s only one direction to go: Bottoms up, fans!
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