Biogenesis of America has been closed for nearly a year, but you wouldn’t know it from the clinic’s page at Yelp.com (h/t CBS Sports).

Former “clients” of Tony Bosch have recently come out of the woodwork and left positive reviews about how Biogenesis products and services revitalized their athletic careers.

And you thought the internet couldn’t get any better.

Here’s what John S. of West Haverstraw, New York had to say:

At 64 years old, I thought my baseball days were well behind me but thanks to the “weight loss” products I got from the guys down at Biogenesis, I’m a bulked up power hitter. Coincidentally, the NY Yankees just found an extra $27,000,000 in their salary budget. Wish me luck, baby, I’m Bronx bound!

On the opposite end of the country and age spectrum, California’s Anthony T. thanks Biogenesis for rescuing him from an offensive rut:

I was having a sophomore slump on my high school baseball team. So, halfway through the season, I had enough of it. I went here and the employees were very helpful. They gave me some stuff that was guaranteed to improve my batting average. Halfway through the season I batted .182 and after this I ended up hitting .465 & being selected to the all-county team! Thanks Biogenesis of America. I hope to make it to the pros one day.

In case you’re wondering, Nelson Cruz, Alex Rodriguez nor any of the other MLB players affiliated with the place posted any praise. Even Jesus Montero and those who struggled on the field after purchasing PEDs passed on the opportunity to rip Bosch publicly.

One important detail that has been lost during the Biogenesis investigation and ensuing chaos is that the clinic actually did provide wellness services for real people.

Take Max Gonzalez, for example, father of All-Star left-hander Gio Gonzalez. Dan Kolko of MASNSports.com reminds us that he was “a legitimate patient” trying to lose weight. Isn’t it possible that other middle-aged men and women across South Florida came to Bosch for similar guidance?

Probably, but we could understand if they didn’t feel comfortable sharing their private health problems with the world on Yelp or another mainstream website.

Of course, there’s always room for more satirical entries. Comic Alison Forns urges you to participate:

Do it for Alison, and do it for the rest of us who want to make light of an ugly situation.

 

Ely literally lived down the street from the Biogenesis building in Coral Gables throughout 2012. He doesn’t have any intimate details to share, but…well, follow him on Twitter, anyway.

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