Mad Magazine should feature Manny Ramirez on their covers. He’s one of the original Boston Red Sox Idiots. And, now we have confirmation he is crazy as a Looney Toon.
Imagine having been banned once for 50 games for using a forbidden substance, and then to use the proverbial putative something again.
Imagine being so stupid that you are caught once more with hormones, steroids or the creeping crud inside you.
The threat of a 100-game suspension and humiliation is a great motivator toward retirement.
The motto of Manny Being Manny rivals only the other imbecile’s mantra: ”What, me worry?”
Don’t worry, Manny. Be happy. Your career is in the garbage dump and your miscue is now beyond rescue. You just flushed 500 home runs down the poop chute.
Some people get ulcers, and others give them. If Manny is ulcerated, it is only along his medulla oblongata.
If using drugs and steroids will fry your brain, Manny may have fricasseed frontal lobes. He is clearly out to lunch.
He’s sniffed too much pine tar resin, raising the count higher than 3 and 2. He makes the other former Red Sox brainiac, Roger Clemens, look like a rocket scientist.
Enablers took him in at the Los Angeles Dodger Disneyworld, and he took them in, though it’s doubtful they realize it. After all, Los Angeles created Manny-wood, a fantasy home where he could live out his delusions for a few more years.
Manny has always belonged in Mudville, where his slime-riddled career can be appreciated.
Now, the reality show we call life may be intruding too much. There will be no return to Boston, giving fans a chance for their much-needed catharsis on Monday.
If you were to ask Manny about Cooperstown, his legacy or fan respect, he would look at you blankly. These are words that he never can define and are outside the drug user lexicon.
Words in his vocabulary are limited to vanity, and the rest of his meager, but benighted diction belongs in a rather thick-skinned dictionary he and Barry Bonds have compiled.
The first word that neither has comprehended may well be “comeuppance.” Guilty parties often get it sooner or later.
After being hit with a proverbial ton of steroid slime-balls, Manny will slide under the bombardment that would assault the ego of a lesser maroon idiot.
The Mighty Manny has struck out, and we can only say good riddance.
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