Kuzul

If you see a brunette beauty who answers by the name of Jamie Edmondson, stop her. She just stole a blueberry muffin from Sweet Tomatoes. 

Reports have it that she was last seen with Evan Longoria. 

Thanks to Busted Coverage, we get a light-hearted story of thievery by none other than a former Playmate and the girlfriend of the Tampa Bay Rays star. 

The website noticed a couple of tweets from the lovely lady who apparently wanted to take a snack from the soup and salad buffet restaurant. 

And she has the audacity to tweet out the tasty treat to the masses. 

First up is this hilarity (via Twitter):

Lunch at Sweet Tomatoes…2 observations…1. I am always the youngest person here and 2. most of my lunch ends up on my belly #messyeater

— jaime edmondson (@jaimeedmondson) November 30, 2012

In Los Angeles, the restaurant is called Souplantation and yes, it is filled with the elderly. Not only that, it’s filled with pretty much the most random group of people bumping into each other over poppy-seed muffins you have ever seen. 

You would never think that turkey chili could cause a fight, but one step into one of these places has you rethinking what kind of food would send you into a frenzy. 

Next is the tweet of the mad caper (via Twitter):

This is what it’s come to…smuggled a blueberry muffin out in my purse…Who the heck am I!?twitpic.com/bhvgec

— jaime edmondson (@jaimeedmondson) November 30, 2012

Relax, because everyone does this. 

I don’t consider it a successful trip to the restaurant unless I am coming back with one or three delicious brownies. 

Now I have something in common with a Playboy model. 

Hit me up on Twitter for more sexy swag. 

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A.J. Ellis’ wife, Cindy, deserves a standing ovation, because she managed to give birth in car as she and her husband tried to get to the hospital. 

Call it horrible timing or a baby who couldn’t wait to be born, but the Ellis clan welcomed its third child on a Milwaukee highway as the Dodgers catcher sped down the road at 75 miles per hour. 

The 31-year-old catcher told his remarkable tale to ESPN The Magazine‘s Molly Knight, recounting quite the interesting delivery method. 

It seems Cindy has a favorite doctor, who was about 30 miles away from the couple’s Milwaukee home. The two also had to wait for Cindy’s sister to get to the house to take care of their other children, daughter Ainsley, 4, and son Luke, 2. 

While Ellis was away during the birth of his first two children, he would not be absent during any part of his third child’s welcoming into the world. 

The couple were ready to go at about 7:25 a.m., but Cindy’s contractions were about 45 seconds apart—not that A.J. was all that worried:

And I’m thinking, this is 2012, not the ‘Oregon Trail.’ Of course we’re gonna make it. So I’m calmly telling her we’re making it. I figured she was just panicking because she was in excruciating pain.

As A.J. drove down Interstate 43 at speeds he estimated at 75 miles per hour, his wife lay in the reclined front passenger seat in extreme pain. 

About 18 miles from the hospital, Cindy said she could feel their child’s head.

A very eager Audrey Elizabeth Ellis was born about a minute later. At that time, Cindy swaddled her newborn in a jacket and the usually calm and collected A.J. freaked out.

“Cindy went into instant mom mode, totally calm and wrapping Audrey in her jacket,” Ellis said. “Meanwhile I’m panicking and screaming. Cindy was the absolute hero.”

All three arrived at the hospital, where mom and baby girl were sent to recovery, both reportedly in excellent health. 

The offseason, it seems, can be far more surprising and wonderful than you would think. 

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Never tell MLB a secret, because it is sure to let the vital information out, just like it did to the Houston Astros. 

As the Astros move from the Senior Circuit to the American League, they are changing their look and hoped to save the surprise for later.

Deadspin reports that later is now, because MLB flubbed and pretty much blamed “super-storm Sandy” for the mistake.

Here is the new logo and hat courtesy of a screen grab from Deadspin. Dark blue is traded in for a lighter color, complementing the bright orange.

As the report points out, the Astros are pretty much the Mets of the AL.

Here is the excuse MLB came up with for the leak, posted to its Twitter feed.

MLB Advanced Media, in advance of super-storm Sandy, inadvertently posted photos of players in their new uniforms on @astros.com bio pages.

— MLB (@MLB) October 30, 2012

So it seems among the pertinent duties prior to Sandy touching down was to release images of what the Astros would look like in the immediate future.

As Deadspin reminds us, this may be the worst-kept secret in sports.

There was also this t-shirt hanging in a Houston store with what looks to be the brand-new logo, via Ultimate Astros.

Then there was an image supposedly made for iPhone 5 cases with new Houston Astros swag.

Essentially, we all pretty much know how the Astros will look when they hit the field as an American League team.

It’s perfect because we also know the outcome of most of their games. At least the team that was 55-107 in 2012 will look like a winner.

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Ozzie Smith is auctioning off pieces of MLB history. 

The man who backflipped his way out onto the field with as much flash as he played the game is selling some rather remarkable pieces of memorabilia. 

ESPN reports the legend affectionately known as The Wizard is set to auction off items I have no doubt will fetch quite the handsome sum:

Hall of Famer and former St. Louis Cardinals great Ozzie Smith is selling his 13 Gold Gloves, 11 of his All-Star Game rings and more than 100 pieces of memorabilia from his personal collection in a November on-line auction. 

When you have the career Smith had, you have quite the collection of hardware. While it’s sad to see Smith part with such items, baseball collectors have to be giddy at the prospects of owning a chunk of MLB history. 

Baseball geeks with deep pockets, bust out that checkbook. 

The report states the auction will begin on begin Nov. 14 and end on Dec. 1, and will be overseen by SCP Auctions of Laguna Niguel, Calif. 

The 57-year-old former shortstop decided to sell the items “as part of his estate and family planning.”

In a statement, SCP Auctions managing director Dan Imler had this to say: 

Ozzie Smith was one of the most entertaining and charismatic figures ever to play Major League Baseball. The items in this collection represent the honors bestowed on him for his many contributions to the success of the St. Louis Cardinals.

CBS Sports reports Smith made a solid amount in his playing days and has since had a couple of business ventures:

(Smith) made just under $32 million ($31,650,000) in his playing career, according to Baseball-Reference.com. He retired after the 1996 season and has had various entrepreneur ventures — like a restaurant and salad dressing — since his playing days.

He recently helped out as a special instructor to the Cardinals during spring training this past season. 

For whatever the reason, one of the best fielders in the history of the game is letting some amazing accolades go to auction. 

Cardinals fans, it may time to break out those piggy banks. 

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Cincinnati Reds pitcher Sam LeCure continues to battle with the rest of his team amid a hopeful journey to the 2012 World Series, but we have reports the right-hander is already winning. 

Busted Coverage reports the 28-year old reliever is the proud boyfriend of the latest CBS reporter to be steaming up the sidelines, Lauren Gardner. 

We still take the report with some grain, because there is no mention of how the relationship started or any verification from LeCure or Gardner. 

Although, there are some rather interesting tweets from this lovely lady. 

There was this show of support to LeCure specifically.

Congrats to @mrlecure & the Reds on clinching the NL Central! Big year for this team #Clinchmas

— Lauren Gardner (@LGRed) September 23, 2012

While we may not know how these two became an item, we do know how they are faring in their separate but equally prolific careers. 

LeCure pitched 57 innings out of the bullpen for a contending Reds team this season, notching a 3.14 ERA and a 1.20 WHIP while garnering seven holds. 

As for Gardner, she is well on her way as a sports media personality. 

The former Denver Broncos cheerleader was featured in Busted Coverage’s ‘Next Erin Andrews’ series in 2011, soon after getting a job as a sideline reporter for the Lingerie Football League. 

She now has a bigger stage as the College Football sideline reporter for CBS Sports, and you can learn a lot more about this budding star at her official website. 

As you can see, LeCure is already a winner, well before the final game of the season. 

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Yu Darvish‘s landing in the Majors wasn’t all pomp and pageantry, because it also coincided with his divorce from Japanese star Saeko. 

The Texas Rangers took a costly gamble on the Japanese phenom who has showed great promise in his first year in the big leagues. 

In 29 games, Darvish, 26, posted a 16-9 record, racking up 221 strikeouts while maintaining a 3.90 ERA and 1.28 WHIP. 

It’s the kind of initial output that has Rangers fans optimistic about his tenure in Texas. 

As for his personal life, not much is known. What we can tell you is that Darvish was married to Japanese media star, 25-year old Saeko. 

Player Wives has more on the relationship that began just as abruptly as it ended. 

For those not familiar with Saeko she is a movie and media darling in Japan. There are a lot of rumors as to how the two meet but it does appear everyone agrees we have ourself a case of a shotgun wedding here. After dating Saeko got pregnant and the couple married quickly on 11/11,/2007 which was picked because that is Yu‘s number. Their first child arrive just four months later, born March 25, 2008.

In January of this year, Japan Today reported the two were going through a divorce as Darvish made his transition to the United States. 

The report issued Saeko would retain custody of the couple’s two children and gave the reason for the split as wanting the kids to have a more peaceful environment. Pursuit of their respective careers was also given. 

Fan Daily reports the two welcomed their first child into the world in 2008 and their second back in July of 2009. 

While we can’t speak to how immense Saeko‘s popularity might be in Japan, you can be certain that Darvish‘s name will be well known after the 2012 playoffs. 

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The wonderful story of Josh Hamilton comes in two parts; the phenomenal slugger who amazes on the field and has struggled off of it, and the woman who has been by his side through it all. 

The Rangers slugger is Roy Hobbs in a Rangers uniform, The Natural for this generation, and his story never ceases to amaze.

The 2012 season was another great year for Hamilton, who is batting .286 with 43 home runs, bringing to close another chapter in the career of one of the best players in the majors right now. 

The woman he has called wife since 2004 is Katie Chadwick, someone who has been around for the best and worst times of Hamilton’s life. 

A 2008 MLB report sheds more light on a relationship that has withstood some amazing obstacles. 

Josh and Katie’s relationship began innocently enough. Katie was already caring for her 17-month-old daughter, Julia, when Josh returned to Raleigh, N.C., in 2002 and requested through a friend to see her. The two attended the same high school growing up, but were never close — not until Katie accepted his request in 2002.

Hamilton was getting over a 2001 car accident that ended up delivering more than pain, giving the slugger an addiction to drugs and alcohol. 

They survived a rough time during 2004 and 2005 when Hamilton suffered relapses of his addiction. More recently, in 2009, Hamilton was seen partying it up at a Tempe, Arizona nightclub, via Deadspin. 

Through it all, Hamilton and his wife have relied on religion and the support from family to hold the marriage together. 

For their hard work, they have been rewarded with three daughters and Katie’s daughter Julia Shea from a previous relationship. 

Hamilton and his wife are proof that life may be one trying experience after another, but you can reap great rewards if you continue fighting. 

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For those staying up all hours of the night with the shakes, cigarette ashes sprinkling the floor as your hands quiver from the nerves, Brian Wilson is still Brian Wilson. 

You can call off the support group, because The Beard is doing just fine. 

At least, we think things are fairly status quo for the Giants closer as he continues to come back from injury. 

This picture from SF Gate (h/t BuzzFeed) leads us to believe he is still trucking as the most enigmatic MLB star out there. 

Let’s break this thing down like it was vital game film. 

First off, the SF Gate report confirms that the sneakers on Wilson’s feet are indeed the Nike MAG’s, making us jealous we are not Wilson for the first time ever. 

Yes, his rocking the Marty McFly’s is what did it for us. 

Instead of riding to work on a hover board, something we wouldn’t put past Wilson even though those are yet to be invented, he is chugging along on the geekiest scooter we have ever seen. 

Which kind of makes us wish we had a turn riding this around town. 

We forgo the upturned hat, purple sleeves and cargo shorts as rather benign fare, especially for the king of awkward. 

The real piece that brought the wardrobe together was, of course, the fanny pack. That article can currently be seen worn by everyone from 80-year-olds to hipsters. Oh, and they are ubiquitous in pictures of my eight-year-old self. 

I kid Brian Wilson but envy him as well. He marches to the beat of his own drum.

Only it’s a synthesized dubstep drum, and you can only hear it if you are on some designer drugs. 

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Aside from the Pittsburgh Pirates actually being in a wild-card race, there wasn’t much of interest in Monday night’s Chicago Cubs game. Well, aside from the super fan getting super inappropriate behind home plate. 

Deadspin reports one fan got so bored with the night’s proceedings that he decided to pantomime what some might consider “going to town” while watching the later innings. 

He didn’t make it to the end of the game. 

If you want to see video of what the mind of a 12-year-old in the body of a full-grown adult looks like, you can see the video here. 

Timothy Burke of Deadspin continues the report here: 

Taking advantage of what we imagine was lax ninth-inning security, this gentleman found his way right behind home plate and spent most of the final stanza engaged in all manner of obscene face-making—even getting himself into Comcast SportsNet Chicago’s slow-motion replays.

Eventually security came and hauled him off.

A couple of things to take from this September game that was a complete throw-away contest for Cubs fans. 

Another season is chipping away at what is normally a very sensible and sane city. It seems the losses may be reaching a tipping point, causing adults to lose their minds as they sit and watch the Cubs not win; again and again. 

Second, you can get kicked out for being juvenile. 

We know the need to be on camera and become a minor celebrity for 15 seconds is very real and powerful for sports fans sitting in the stands, but try not to pantomime such acts. 

You just end up looking foolish and get escorted from a horrible game in the end. Come to think of it, perhaps that was what this fan wanted anyway. 

The Cubs lost, 3-0. 

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Brandon McCarthy was finally released from the hospital following surgery to fix a skull fracture. We are glad to report that he is doing well and is still hilarious. 

As the Washington Post reports, McCarthy was struck in the head with a line drive last Wednesday and suffered an epidural hemorrhage, brain contusion and skull fracture.

He underwent two hours of surgery to relieve the pressure on his brain. Thankfully, though, the athlete was discharged on Tuesday and, as this tweet proves, was in great spirits:

WELL IF BEING DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL ISNT THE BEST TIME TO ASK ABOUT A THREESOME THEN IM FRESH OUT OF IDEAS

— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) September 11, 2012

That tweet is some kind of special.

Not only is it hilarious at face value, but it gives fans who know him a reason to let out a sigh of relief. If humor is indeed the best medicine, it’s McCarthy administering a great deal of aid to all of us who feared for his health. 

Of course, Team McCarthy is a two-person comedy troupe. His wonderful wife, Amanda McCarthy, is just as hilarious on Twitter and is a must-follow for any fan of much-needed chuckles. 

Here is her perfect retort to her rather rambunctious hubby:

@bmccarthy32 I WILL strike someone with a brain injury

— Amanda McCarthy (@Mrs_McCarthy32) September 11, 2012

Not that these were isolated incidents of humor, because both husband and wife prove capable of seeing the comedy in the most frightening of circumstances. 

Here is another gem from Brandon:

Bad news: doc says I might be one of those people who posts motivational nonsense all day on Facebook now 🙁

— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) September 11, 2012

I guess we will give him a pass for the time being, especially if his wife plans on making him wear a helmet wherever he goes:

I may or may not have just put in a request for every hat and beanie that @underarmour makes..

— Amanda McCarthy (@Mrs_McCarthy32) September 10, 2012

The great news of the day remains Brandon McCarthy going home to be with his loving family and getting a jump on the healing we hope is quick and complete. 

The Washington Post report issues that McCarthy is making steady progress and is able to walk down a hallway and go up and down four steps. 

It didn’t mention his ability to laugh and make others do the same, which is priceless. 

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