Kuzul

Consider this the clam before the PSY. 

I sense a new pop-culture phenomenon ready to engulf America like Macarenas of years gone by, and it comes in the form of “Gangnam Style.”

Here is a commercial spot attempting to get the world excited for the upcoming MLB playoffs. Oh, I am good and excited, as well as befuddled, confused and motivated. 

I just want to dance, and I don’t know why. 

The song you hear is from the Korean rap artist known as PSY, and he is kind of a big deal. His official music video has close to 70 million views on YouTube as of this writing. 

If you spend any amount of time on Reddit, you will no doubt see a multitude of references to the pop sensation. 

Oh, and he was recently at a L.A. Dodgers game recently. 

The dance is fairly simple. Leave your inhibitions at the door along with your ego, and act like a cowboy riding a horse. At least that’s how I imagine an instructional manual on the dance to read. 

Which brings us to this bizarre commercial featuring MLB superstars. You may think it’s strange now, but soon the tune and dance will be everywhere, like a K-Pop Call Me Maybe. 

Head to your fallout bunkers accordingly. 

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Tickets to see Roger Clemens pitch will cost you hundreds. 

No, these prices are not to see Clemens in the 1990s, or even Clemens in the early-aughts. That’s the cost of seeing a 50-year-old former baseball player throw against some scrubs. 

Rick Chandler of Off the Bench spotted some disturbing prices in regards to this Saturday’s Sugar Land Skeeters’ game, the contest that will feature Clemens back on the bump. 

As you can see from this eBay listing for the game against the Bridgeport Bluefish, there is a good amount of Grassland and Standing Room Only tickets, for exorbitant fees that is. 

As you can see, you are not without some choices. You can plunk down $100 on some general admission seats, or pay in the upwards of 500-600 bucks to get real up and close to an old man throwing a baseball. 

ESPN’s Darren Rovell has this news via Twitter that the prices are not just relegated to eBay.

$9 Standing Room Only tickets sold by the Sugarland Skeeters to Saturday’s Roger Clemens start now going for $75 to $100 on StubHub.

— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) August 21, 2012

All of this for a pitcher who was great…once. It would be cheaper to head to Las Vegas and see Pete Rose in a chair signing autographs, and slightly more exciting. 

Here is a video of Clemens throwing off a mound recently. 

Wow, he throws straight.

Excuse me while I lose my mind over a man who should be off golfing but is instead holding onto the last vestiges of a controversial career. 

I tell you what you do. Take a few bills from the bank account, burn them, and then go watch footage of Jamie Moyer warming up. 

It will save you a trip to Texas. 

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The next few months will belong to Ryan Howard and his fiancee Kystle Campbell and it all starts with an episode of TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress.”

Dan Gross of Philly.com (h/t Big Lead) reports the couple who are set to marry on December 1 have some wedding news for all to enjoy. 

First things first.

We need to consider chipping in on this couple’s gift, because their wedding registry is sitting there filled with expensive items

Gross already did some digging for us at their Macy’s registry and found the following: 

Most expensive item: A pair of Swarovski crystal toasting flutes. They seek three pairs at $390 per pair. Cheapest: 13-inch washcloths for $17. The couple are hoping to receive 6. 

You could always get them a Swarovski bottle stopper like they request. They are going off at $130 apiece.

Perhaps the rest of us continue to just plug the cork back in the bottle, or you could always finish the rest of the wine like a true man. 

The other great part of this nuptial is the guarantee to watch Howard’s fiancee when your better half hogs the remote this Friday at 9 p.m. to watch TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress.”

The show will feature Campbell and her family as they search through New York’s Kleinfeld Bridal for the perfect dress. No word on whether the Phillies slugger will be in any part of the episode. 

Campbell is well acquainted with the sports world, being a former Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader who is now a schoolteacher. 

The regular season may have skipped out on Howard’s bat, but wedding season seems to be loaded with Phillies fun. 

Sorry, Philadelphia. That’s as much good news as we have for you. 

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The MLB trade deadline came and went with a flurry of deals. Such excitement was bound to have some hilarious fallout. 

The biggest mistake wasn’t from a team overpaying for a pitcher, or a down-in-the-dumps team selling off top talent—it was from a news agency being duped by a fake Twitter account. 

Deadspin caught a humorous gaffe by WCPO.com. which included two tweets from @Brox4AllStarz, a fake account for former Royals pitcher Jonathan Broxton, in its article about the trade. 

The big man who blows away hitters from the mound was just traded from the Royals to the Cincinnati Reds, and this ABC affiliate was no doubt eager to get word from the man being sent out of town. 

Here is a screen capture of the initial report, which has since been amended. 

Look to the bottom and you can spot the hilarious rants of a faux Twitter account. It’s less of a real pitcher’s thoughts and more of what a mindless meathead would state after being traded. 

Here is the first tweet used:

Brox thanks the good people of KansasTown. You were so nice to ol Broxy. Sorry for eating all the BBQ that one time. And that other time.

— Brox (@Brox4AllStarz) July 31, 2012

And the glorious second:

So many fans of RedTeam sayin nice things 2 ol’ Broxy. Brox not nervous no more. SinseeTown is great. Gonna throw the ball hard for you guys

— Brox (@Brox4AllStarz) July 31, 2012

While Broxton had some issues with pitch selection back when he was the Dodgers’ closer, we will give him a tad more credit for being more articulate than this. 

Still, you may want to hide your barbecue from the real guy too. 

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Deep in an Ohio attic lurked a treasure trove of baseball cards, making it the collectible find of the century. 

John Seewer of The Associated Press reports that Karl Kissner, an Ohio man, was digging through his grandfather’s attic when he found a collection of old baseball cards; a loot that may fetch millions at auction. 

In all reality, I have no way of qualifying where this haul stacks up in the grand scheme of things found where you least expect them, but it’s still damn cool. 

Kissner actually described the find as, “It’s like finding the Mona Lisa in the attic.”

That’s lovely, but I like to think it’s like finding the map to One-Eyed Willie’s treasure, and then launching on a expedition with you and your closest Goonies. 

I guess in this version, Kissner doesn’t have to mess with the Fratelli’s, making it far more palatable a scenario. 

The cards worth millions were found in the most meager of places, wrapped in twine in a cardboard box under a dusty dollhouse. 

From there, Kissner found near mint Ty Cobb cards and a flawless Honus Wagner. The family then sent some of the cards to expert Peter Calderon at Heritage Auctions in Dallas. 

Calderon was floored at not only the vintage of the cards, but by the pristine nature of each one. The quality will fetch a handsome sum, per the report. 

The best of the bunch — 37 cards — are expected to bring a total of $500,000 when they are sold at auction in August during the National Sports Collectors Convention in Baltimore. There are about 700 cards in all that could be worth up to $3 million, experts say. They include such legends as Christy Mathewson and Connie Mack.

The real hero of the day is the deceased grandfather who kept this treasure safe. 

Kissner and his family say the cards belonged to their grandfather, Carl Hench, who died in the 1940s. Hench ran a meat market in Defiance, and the family suspects he got them as a promotional item from a candy company that distributed them with caramels. They think he gave some away and kept others.

The family has decided to share in the wealth by splitting the money among the “20 cousins named in their aunt’s will.”

With that, a family is hit with some enormous fortune and luck.

They can thank their grandfather for one of two things: either having the foresight to take care of these precious items he knew would soar in value, or being forgetful enough to leave them be in the attic. 

I think this family will be just fine with whichever was the case. 

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Justin Verlander, ladies and gentleman. Justin “The Man” Verlander. 

Let us be that little birdie to tell you there are rampant rumors Kate Upton is sweet on the Detroit Tigers’ ace, and there is even photographic evidence of the claim. 

Busted Coverage sniffs out some fantastic pictures that allegedly feature supermodel Kate Upton getting rather close to arguably the best pitcher in the Majors. 

The website received a link to some photos from 98.7, Amp Radio. A listener apparently sent in pictures they took of the two as they partied at a local bar, Coyote Joe’s. 

As you can see, you need some imagination to see two people hooking up, but not much of one. These two, if they are indeed Verlander and Upton, are canoodling rather closely. 

The Detroit Free Press has the full story on the woman who we presume snapped off the pictures. Her name is Amanda Waynick, and she was celebrating her 25th birthday at the bar. 

That’s when she tried to get a picture with Verlander, only to have him decline. It seems he was rather light-hearted about it, though. 

She then gave the images to the radio station when she realized the gems she had on some of her party pictures. 

Of course, Verlander has been linked to his longtime girlfriend Emily Yuen, so we tread cautiously, because this may be much ado about nothing. 

Then again, it may be the starting American League pitcher in the 2012 MLB All-Star Game beginning a relationship with the “it” girl of the year.

The two are yet to comment on all the speculation, and there is no telling where they began their budding friendship. 

It may have been on the set of promo videos for MLB 2K12. If so, please remember not to neglect your video games. They may come in handy at some point in your life.

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President Barack Obama threw a gentle jab at the hard-hit Red Sox fans recently, and it gave way to Mitt Romney’s getting in on the game, despite the hackneyed results. 

President Obama was in Boston on Monday and took to the podium armed with some sports fodder. Here is the video many of you have seen by now. 

It features the president thanking Red Sox fans for giving his beloved White Sox the services of Kevin Youkilis. 

What commences has started a debate as controversial as the question of whether Tim Tebow is a worthwhile starting quarterback.

The crowd is vocal in their response, but we still have not settled on whether that is a chorus of “boos” or “Yoooouuuuks.”

Well, the presumptive Republican presidential candidate wanted to get in on the fun. SportsGrid directs our attention to a number of tweets from political reporter Matt Viser, from The Boston Globe.

Here is what Mitt Romney had to offer according to Viser:

Romney camp: “Last night in Boston, Pres Obama..committed an error by taunting fans over the Kevin Youkilis trade to the Chicago White Sox.”

— Matt Viser (@mviser) June 26, 2012

Continued below:

Romney camp on Youkilis: Obama “chose to mock them for trading away one of its favorite players at a time when the team is struggling.”

— Matt Viser (@mviser) June 26, 2012

The Obama camp answered back, making this a full-on war of meaningless words. 

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney stated the following, per Viser’s tweet:

Carney talks of “silly reporting” on Youkilis. But then attempts to make a broader point: Obama doesn’t pander. And won’t wear Red Sox caps.

— Matt Viser (@mviser) June 26, 2012

Yup, politics as usual is alive and well in Washington. 

I guess you can give brownie points to the president for the fact that he doesn’t do the usual pandering to each and every single fanbase, pretending to be a homer in every town. 

The video was chuckle worthy and actually made the president seem like a down-to-earth sports fan, boos or not. 

I mean, they did turn to cheers by the end. 

But now, the moment has taken an ugly turn into a political pissing match. Please stop now, both of you. 

Kevin Youkilis doesn’t deserve this much attention. 

Follow me on Twitter or else. 

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Matt Cain was already armed with a wide array of pitches, but now the dude is packing a samurai sword. 

Things do get fairly busy when you throw a perfect game. I wouldn’t know first hand, as my biggest accomplishment is the one time I didn’t eat a box of thin mints, but we’ll move on. 

Matt Cain threw a perfecto a week ago against the Houston Astros and then pitched Monday night against the L.A. Angels. 

Before he got started on his five innings of work and eventual 5-3 win, he needed to reap some rewards. 

According to Yahoo! Sports, his pitching day began by recording a spot for the night’s Late Show with David Letterman, a segment entitled, “Things I Want to Achieve Now That I Have Thrown a Perfect Game.”

The best of the day came in the form of a samurai sword. 

BuzzFeed Sports tweeted this picture and assumption that a perfect game comes with a perfectly sweet gift:

Apparently this is what you get for throwing a perfect game – yfrog.com/nt508rlj

— BuzzFeed Sports (@BuzzFeedSports) June 19, 2012

According to the Yahoo! Sports report, there is a perfectly good reason Cain was given a samurai sword that nerds like me will covet from afar:

He then accepted the gift of a samurai sword from Mizuno USA, a company that he endorses. According to Mizuno, the sword has only been awarded to its brand ambassadors on five different occasions with the most recent being Dallas Braden’s perfect game in 2010.

You too can have your very own samurai weapon. You need only to endorse Mizuno and to then throw nine innings of perfection.

As for me, I will just watch Kill Bill one more time and call it a job well done.

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I think we can just about call the “Clown Question, Bro” meme good and dead now. 

Like too many people thinking they can carry Call Me Maybe to fame, we have one too many Bryce Harper impressions on the open market now. 

Democratic Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid volleyed a question like a true bro recently, and it had the correspondents in stitches. 

USA Today reports Reid was asked about the DREAM Act and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell by Roll Call reporter Steven T. Dennis. 

Reid paused and let the twinkle in his eye shine for all. He thought to himself, this is it. This is the moment I have been waiting a lifetime for. 

Reid, for a moment, was the funny kid in class. 

The report says Reid is an avid fan of Washington Nationals star Bryce Harper, the outfielder who made the phrase, “clown question, bro” a sensation.

Now that the phrase is being used by 72-year-old senators, we can pretty much cease and desist form ever having to mutter the phrase. 

The moment was clever and funny. I chuckled along with the rest of you, but I am telling you all to stop right now. 

The virus that is Call Me Maybe parodies continues to spread; we don’t need another epidemic. 

Follow me on Twitter for a hunky-dory time. 

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Shane Victorino held another fashion show for a great cause, but it was pitcher Cole Hamels who stole the show. 

Dan Gross of The Philadelphia Daily News reports on Victorino holding his third annual fashion show to benefit the Shane Victorino Foundation. 

The Union League was filled with stars helping the foundation whose mission statement is,”dedicated to promoting opportunities for underserved youth. The Foundation engages in projects which provide children in need with educational, recreational and wellness programs.”

This year, current Phillies and their families were joined by the likes of Bernard Hopkins and Joe Piscopo. 

The night belonged to Hamels who wore this ensemble which is now the talk of the fashion world. Okay, it’s merely the talk of people who consider capris and highly-cuffed pants to be rather silly. 

Hamels is making a habit of creating the fashion stir. Last year when he, as The Big Lead put it, embraced his inner Ace Ventura. 

I think he really sets the bar high with his bright-red high water pants. Those things could be more red, but not by much. 

From a sports land filled with emerging hipsters, I would expect this wardrobe to feature on a podium shortly. 

Of course, the event was without Chase Utley who continues to rehab with what I like to describe as crappy knee syndrome. 

His wonderful wife, Jennifer, was escorted by the Phillie Phanatic down the catwalk. 

That video should serve to remind other, younger Phanatics that you too can grow up to be a dapper superstar. 

Another night of fun and frivolity was had, and Hamels once again hit it out of the park. 

Follow me on Twitter for one hell of a good time. 

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