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The team that started the whole bobble-head collectible scene for Major League Baseball is at it again, this time with a figurine immortalizing a highly controversial play from the 1991 World Series between the Atlanta Braves and the Minnesota Twins.

This coming season will be the 20th anniversary of what ESPN ranked as the best World Series ever played.

The bobble head commemorates one of the most memorable plays of a World Series filled with them. 

Ron Gant had just singled in the top of the third inning with two outs. The score was 2-1 Twins, with Kevin Tapani toeing the mound for the Twins. Gant went to round first when Tapani took the throw from right fielder Dan Gladden and threw behind Gant to the first baseman Kent Hrbek.

Hrbek received the ball from Tapani at the same time Gant reached the base. Hrbek, who outweighed Gant by nearly 80 pounds at the time, applied the tag—with a little added force, to say the least. Hrbek proceeded to lift Gant’s leg off the base.

To the 55,000 fans in attendance at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome on Oct. 20, 1991, umpire Drew Coble’s out call lifted them into a roar.

“He definitely tried to push me off the base,” Gant said.

The Twins ended the inning on that play and went on to win the game with 3-2 final score and took a 2-0 series advantage. In a series where the road team lost every game, plays like this were the difference for the Twins.

There is no date as to what game the bobble head will be given out as of yet, but the Twins will announce that information sometime in March.

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In Cameron Maybin’s defense, he hasn’t played an inning in a Padre uniform yet. But that inexperience didn’t keep him from making headlines Monday.

Because for all of the positives that social media represents, it also has its drawbacks. Unfortunately, Maybin found out about the drawbacks the hard way.

After dining at Panda Express, a fast-food style restaurant that serves Chinese cuisine, Maybin had an opinion about the food. So, he decided to do what every other athlete seems to be doing these days.

He took it to Twitter:

“Never eat panda express sh*ts had me feeling awful for 2 days back on my grind tomorrow, We got action…”

It didn’t take long for Maybin to remove that post after it was brought to his attention that Tom Davin, the CEO of Panda Express, also has part-ownership of the Padres.

Suddenly, this tweet appeared on Maybin’s feed:

“Man just got back on the wagon panda express was great today, now I’m ready for action…. Best oriental cuisine around… Let’s go…!”

Lesson learned: Think before you tweet—or at least pay better attention to your fortune cookie.

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Last season, New York Yankees ace CC Sabathia stated to the press that despite having the option to do so, he would not opt out of his contract.  Joining the team in 2009, the big lefty’s seven-year, $161 million deal has a clause that allows him to opt out after three years, should he want to.

Just yesterday, however, Sabathia hinted that he might exercise that clause after the season.  Being a Yankee fan, I just had one response.  WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Sabathia is, for all intents and purposes, the top dog of the Yankees pitching staff.  Were he to opt out for more money, there aren’t any other big market teams who would be able to swing the funds to do so.  Long story short, it would be the stupidest career decision he could possibly make.

Hell, while we’re at it, let’s have a look at some other, less idiotic things that could happen!

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Ken Griffey, Jr. has rejoined the Mariners as a special consultant. I don’t really know what a special consultant does, and there’s no telling if Shannon Drayer’s account tells the full story.

While Greg Johns of MLB.com reports that the role is “evolving,” you need not wait further. I just got the inside scoop.

First things first, and that’s player development. We’re talking about a first ballot Hall of Famer who is in the 600 home run club and also played solid defense. He has a ton of insight to offer.

However, the Mariners believe they have the talent on their young roster already. What they really want to do is build chemistry. As we know from ESPN experts, talent doesn’t matter in team sports. It’s all about how you get along with your teammates.

Junior is scheduled to be in Seattle six times in the upcoming season. While there, he’ll visit the clubhouse pregame, spin his hat around and tickle Ichiro. A good time will be had by all.

While the team trots out to the field with smiles on their faces, Junior will saw some logs in the clubhouse. Last one out, please hit the lights.

After a perfect game thrown by David Pauley against the Yankees, the team will rejoin “The Kid” for some postgame hijinks. Crank the hip-hop, bob your heads and let’s play pin the smile on Milton Bradley!

As Drayer notes, this isn’t all about player development.

Having his “Swingman” brand with Nike, along with numerous bobbleheads and t-shirts, Junior has experience in marketing. He’ll quickly get together with the Mariners marketing staff, that being people who actually hold degrees in the field, and put his personal spin on things.

On May 30, a day game matinee, we’ll have “Siesta at the Park Day.” Leave your Lunexor at home. Griffey won’t be on hand that day, so the non-chemistry-infused product on the field will be the only pill you need. First (only) 15,000 fans get a Junior Blankey.

Come July 1, Mariners fans will enjoy the first ever “Demand a Trade Night,” where you get to wander the ballpark and threaten ushers to upgrade you from your nose bleed seat to the Diamond Club, else you’ll move to San Diego next year and be a fan of the team we play that night, the hated rival Padres.

Last season, Griffey was featured with Ichiro in the first ever bobble head to feature two players. On a still-to-be-determined night this season, they’re going to top that with the first ever three person doll. Junior and Chone Figgins will be wielding bats at “Revenge on Don Wakamatsu Bobble Head Night,” with a ceramic version of the former manager between them.

That’s all I could dig up on Griffey promotions, but more are expected to be announced soon.

Then there’s the broadcasting that got mentioned in Drayer’s report. I couldn’t get hard proof on this, but I’m told Junior will spend some time in the booth with Dan Wilson and Jay Buhner. Other rumors include Junior swatting Rick Rizzs’ hairpiece off every time he starts a sentence with, “Say, fans…”

This is all secondhand information and speculation at this time, I’m afraid. It’s quite possible Junior will just have some ideas pop in his mind while playing golf and pass them on to actual decision makers. Perhaps give a few rah-rah speeches to minor leaguers who will be tweeting, “OMG Griffey just talked to us!”

Whatever the case, it’s good to have the franchise icon home again. Again.

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Who said the New York Mets don’t know how to have a little fun?

In one of the funnier and more frivolous moves this offseason, the Mets‘ Class A Short-Season affiliate Brooklyn Cyclones have invited Super Bowl scapegoat Christina Aguilera to have a National Anthem do-over at MCU Park this season.

Aguilera, who butchered the lyrics of the Star-Spangled Banner last weekend, has an offer on the table from Cyclones GM Steve Cohen to come down to Coney Island and take part in the pre-game festivities.

According to the Cyclones, they will even hand the global megastar a set of lyrics, to avoid further embarrassment.

A press release published on the team’s website says: “Each year, it seems like someone makes a mistake and because it happens in the Super Bowl, the whole world is buzzing about it the next day.  This year’s victim is four-time Grammy Award Winner and Staten Island, NY native Christina Aguilera whose slip-up during the Star-Spangled Banner has everyone talking.

“With that in mind, the Brooklyn Cyclones have offered Christina Aguilera the opportunity to perform the National Anthem at MCU Park this summer. The team will even provide her a copy of the lyrics to prevent another mishap from occurring.”

Cohen said of the proposal: “We’ve all made mistakes. But when most of us make mistakes, it’s not in front of 100 million people watching in every corner of the world. When a player makes a mistake, they usually don’t get a shot at redemption, but with a singer, that’s a different story.”

I absolutely love the Brooklyn Cyclones jumping on this gimmick. It’s stupid and random, but it made me laugh. What’s even funnier is the fact that Aguilera is from Staten Island, home of Brooklyn’s closest New York-Penn League rival Yankees.

The minor leagues are as much about fun as baseball, especially the lower you go down the farm system. The Cyclones continually churn out great stories as promotions as much as they have on-field success.

Their Ike Davis bobblelegs giveaway and ‘Jersey? Sure!’ themed night were both fan favorites in 2010 and each promotion was voted the second best of its kind in the minors in MiLB’s year-end vote.

With a bunch of other jersey giveaways, as well as the new Angel Pagan bobblehead promotion set for June 20, the Cyclones’ PR team seem to be right on track again. Who knows, you might even catch Aguilera redeeming herself. 

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Sweet Lou is coming to the City by the Bay.  Yep, that barrel-chested man famous for profanity-laced on-field tirades has been hired as a special consultant to San Francisco Giants GM Brian Sabean.

On the surface, this appears like another Sabean genius move.  Pick up a smart baseball mind, particularly one with an offensive lens on the game, to complement what has become a pitching-heavy club. 

On the other hand, Lou’s been in the dugout for the last 40 years, which means showing up at game time in street clothes will be an unfamiliar role for him.

Piniella’s arrival in San Francisco begs the obvious question: How might Lou help (or hurt) the Giants’ chance to repeat as World Champs?

First, five reasons why Piniella will be a boon for the Giants’ chances to repeat in 2011.

1. He knows the game as well as anyone, and his experience as a position player will come in handy as the Giants struggle to find the right lineup with the chemistry needed to win games down the stretch and in the playoffs like the 2010 team.

2. He’s won in the postseason (including twice as a player with the Yankees and once as a manager, guiding the 1990 Reds to a World Series title over the favored Oakland A’s), so he’s got some good pattern recognition when it comes to what needs to come together on the field and in the clubhouse for a team to win it all.

3. He can be a great sounding board to Bruce Bochy and someone the current Giants skipper can trust as a guy who’s not there to take his job if the team starts scuffling around the All-Star break.

4. He can be a great sounding board to Brian Sabean, particularly in the context of deciding which of the Giants farmhands down in Fresno might be able to have the kind of impact Buster Posey and Madison Bumgarner had on the team last season.

5. He will add another personality to an already personality-rich organization, whether it’s as a post-game guest with the KNBR Radio crew or on CSNBayArea’s TV coverage.  Lou will be a great ambassador for Giants baseball and someone who can help deflect some of the heat that would be directed at Bochy or the players if things hit a rough spot during the year.

Now, despite all of the positive points above, there at least five good reasons why Piniella’s presence could hurt the Giants’ chances of winning in 2011.

1. He’s never been a guy who minces words, so it’s not clear he’ll understand when he’s supposed to be toeing the “company line.”  Imagine the first time he gets quoted questioning one of Bochy’s game decisions or one of Sabean’s player personnel decisions.

2. He’s a former Rookie of the Year and All-Star, so what happens when he’s roaming around the field before games? What if he decides to help Buster Posey tinker with his swing during a slump?  That won’t exactly go over well with Giants coaches.

3. He may show up one day a bit confused and put on a uniform, walk in to the dugout and start filling out the line up card and then waltz out to home plate to go over the ground rules with the umpiring crew.  I’m guessing that one would create a bit of an issue for the Giants.

4. See No. 2 above, but imagine this time he mentally shifts back to his days managing the Reds when he probably thought he was the genius behind the Nasty Boys’ pitching success, and he decides to start giving Tim Lincecum a few pointers on his mechanics. I can just see Dave Righetti and Lincecum’s dad Chris gang-tackling Lou out by the bullpen mound.

5. By all appearances recently, Lou looks like a healthy eater.  San Francisco is not an easy town on healthy eaters…in fact, it’s down right unfair.  There’s some real risk here that Lou gets distracted running around town from great restaurant to great restaurant, and he doesn’t stay focused on the job at hand: advising Sabean.  I can see it now, Lou showing up late to a meeting with Sabean and Bochy and explaining, “But guys, I’ve never even heard of pumpkin creme brulee, I just had to try it!”

Giants fans, enjoy your season of Lou!

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As the title says, this is my second annual bucket list—Phillies style. I hate the redundancy of writing a totally self-explanatory title and then reaffirming the topic in my first sentence but with those darn search engines constantly looking for articles with relevance, I’m already at a disadvantage.

When it comes to blogging about baseball, I’m the master at having nothing relevant to say.

And I’ve proved that for two whole paragraphs.

First, I should let you know that unlike most bucket lists, mine isn’t composed of death-defying acts of irrationality like white water rafting. Hell, if I wanted to be tossed about by a current I’d call my husband in on the waterbed. Besides, I don’t need to do something daring—I got married. I don’t need another adventure to end with, “What the hell was I thinking?”

Now, on my first bucket list, I gave considerable thought to the organization—I thought about bullets or numbers or an alphabetical arrangement. I even tried little Shane Victorino silhouettes but I couldn’t get them to stand still. So eventually I settled for the rant. Not only is it my favorite form of communication, it’s the least effective one.

Anyway, I’m hoping you enjoy this more than your annual pap smear or your prostate check (although I might be discriminating against single people when I say that).

Here goes:

Until the day I die, I pledge to boldly go where middle-aged women have all gone before—into the pants of major league players. And to the dismay of many, the thoughts in my mind will flow senselessly through my computer keypad.

Yes, I still use a pc. No, I don’t have an iPad. That’s what I do to my bra.

I give a whole new meaning to the question, “Are those really yours?”

Sorry, I got off track.

Let’s try again:

I want a bladder that doesn’t leak when I sneeze.

I want a wrinkle cream that makes me look like a Hollywood hottie but not someone Hugh Hefner would boink.

I want Philly weather to go straight from fall to spring.

I want my cat to puke in a designated area.

I want my dog to find a way to tend to his genitalia before he comes to bed.

I want my husband to find a way to do that too.

I want to prove that Shane Victorino is a descendant of the Mexican jumping bean.

I want someone to find a way to keep Justin Bieber cute and little, just like a kitten.

I want the next Phillies charity event to have a Raul Ibanez kissing booth.

I want a Cliff Lee blowup doll giveaway at Citizens Bank Park (anatomically correct, of course).

I want spell check to be nominated for sainthood.

I want Carlos Ruiz to catch the next perfect game.

I want my husband to stop telling people that my remorse over Jayson Werth leaving is a passing phase.

I want to outlaw pimples, menstrual cramps, puking on people at games, throwing stuff at each other and mean people.

I want a Phillies t-shirt with built in boobs. They could come in three sizes: small ball, pitcher’s mound and grand slam.

I want sex to come in different sizes too.

Wait, it already does.

I want hair styles to come in a spray can.

I want Brad Lidge to pitch a slider so nasty they call it “The Bitch.”

I want to be carded again.

I want chocolate to be declared a food group. I also want someone to make it the official food group of the Phillies. Then I want it nominated for sainthood.

I want Charlie Manuel to live forever.

I want it to snow only when it’s convenient for me—like in a snow globe.

I want people to quit wondering who the fifth man in the rotation will be. Like at my house, we’ll just call him, “Pizza Night.”

I want people to stop thinking I’m making a funny face when I’m not.

I want forms to stop asking me if I’m male or female and I want traffic cops to stop that too.

And now that Cliff Lee is back I want to act like a typical woman and find something else to whine about.

That might take some time. Then again, maybe not. Like I often say to my husband, “I thought that would take longer.”

Most of all I want a guaranteed World Series win. I want to parade down Broad Street, I want Chase Utley to throw the f-bomb to fire up all those hypocrites who use it but don’t want their kids to hear it from someone else, and I still want Kevin Costner to give me a long, slow, deep, soft, wet kiss that lasts three days.

With those new stalker laws that last one might be tough. I sure hope they’re lenient on stalkers in heaven because when I die, I’m hunting down Harry Kalas and Robin Roberts. That might entail a small chase and some jail time but sooner or later they’ll have to talk to me. It’s not like we won’t have eternity.

Hey, is it a copyright infringement to have Chase Utley’s butt engraved on your tombstone? And is it a violation to spy on the Phillies locker room when you’re a ghost? It won’t be near as haunting as seeing me in person.

Well, that’s my bucket list. You might be thinking it more closely resembles the one they give you when you’re about to puke; you also might say exactly what my husband says—she might look funny but she’s not. But you can’t argue that the 2011 Phillies’ rotation will be an amazing fan experience. It might not be the best rotation ever but it’s here and it’s now.

And to the dismay of many, so am I.

See you at the ballpark.

Copyright 2011 Flattish Poe all rights reserved

Stalk me on Twitter.

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I’d be lying if I said I found Lopez Tonight even remotely entertaining, but if there’s one person who could change my perception of that show, it’s Brian Wilson.

The World Series-winning closer of the San Francisco Giants appeared on George Lopez’s show to premiere the first MLB 2K11 digital short film, starring and written by Wilson himself.

Hilarity soon ensues.

Wilson (dressed as a sailor, I might add) compares himself to Chuck Norris and even dropped a phenomenal sexual innuendo, saying he “wanted to closely relate to a seaman.” 

Can’t say I’ve been there, Brian.

The charismatic closer also explained his take on “Thai massages” that were “strictly sexual.” Dane Cook should take notes.

But the classic line of the entire appearance was when Wilson compared warming up then not actually coming in for the close to a “dry hump.”

Trust me, nothing is as bad as a dry hump. That’s karma’s way of saying, “Screw you.”

Still, Wilson had a little rant that related his love life to pitching.

This was comedic gold here. Few times have I watched an athlete on a talk show and been legitimately entertained the entire time.

Instantly, Wilson moves up into my top three funniest athletes, alongside Shaq and Charles Barkley (unintentionally, of course).

If you appreciate a dry, straight-to-the-point sense of humor, Wilson is your man.

And if he’s anywhere near as good on the diamond as he was on Lopez, Wilson will be the best pitcher in baseball in 2011.

I mean, the guy had 1.81 ERA and 48 strikeouts in 2010. I’m thinking 1.50 and 55 saves next season.

Chuck Norris said so. 

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With the off season of baseball, there is a lot of time for introspection, fact-finding and fooling around.

I chose the latter of these three and decided to delve into some of the more obscure MLB stats. Baseball is heavily centered around stats and so, without further ado, here they are:

Ounces of Coke per Nostril (OCN)

This stat first came to prevalence in the mid 1980′s. Legendary cocaine addict, Willie “Scarface” Jenkins still holds the all-time best with a whopping lifetime average of 2.31.

Cup Adjustments per Inning (CAPI)

This stat is nearly as old as the game itself. Bill “Fire Down Below” Barkins was the first, and currently only, player to lead this category in back-to-back years in 1996 and 1997.  This feat has yet to be topped.  Barkins, grabbing his package an astounding 6.24 times per inning, was such a prolific junk-grabber that his then-manager Jim Leyland once quipped, “He grabs his crotch more than that Michael Jackson fella.” Barkins’ cup is currently enshrined in Cooperstown in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Largest Wad of Chewing Tobacco (LWCT)

This statistic was put nearly out of reach by minor league outfielder Guthrow Cancerton.  He once famously held 4 bags of Redman in his lower lip while going 1-4 in a 1979 game. He lead the league in this statistic for 8 years straight, starting with that fabled night in 1979. He now tours the United States with the Ringling Bros. as “The Man Without a Lower Jaw.”

Rastafarians Bonged In (RBI)

Commonly mistaken for the more well known “Runs Batted In” statistic, this stat was far more commonly kept before the standardization of drug testing in the MLB. Bob “Marley” Gustafson, not-coincidentally, the league’s most stringent anti-drug-testing activist in league history. Gustafson lead the league in this category an unprecedented 11 years straight and gained a moderate level of fame after once having the munchies so bad that he stole home merely to hit up the hot dog stand.

‘Roid Rage Incidents Per Game (RRIG)

This stat, first unofficially kept in 1994, was only recognized by Baseball’s governing body for the first time in 2005.The career leader is Lloyd “The Incredible, pimply-backed, balding Hulk” Aaron, who controlled the statistic in 1995, 1998 and 1999. Many experts believe he would have won more individual titles in this category but he was summarily kicked out of the MLB after, when in a fit of violent rage, he chewed through 3 of his teammates bats, head-butted a hole in the side of the stadium and broke the team bus over his knee.

Times Defected from Cuba (TDC)

Originating in 1981, this stat is considered out of reach by many experts as the bar was, perhaps, set to an unreachable height by Phillies shortstop Alberto “Damn-I-Hate-Fidel” Castro.  Castro achieved a certain level of notoriety after defecting from Cuba a staggering 8 times in 1983 alone.  Famous for pulling his hamstring in an attempt to doggy-paddle to Miami Beach’s shore.

Sunflower Seeds Chewed while Pitching Left Handed Against the Phillies on a Tuesday in a Nationally Televised Game in June (SSCPLHAPTNTGJ)

This stat, only kept because baseball keeps stats on everything, is still pending MLB approval.  However, it appears that the league and the owners association will both approve it’s official recognition in the 2011 season.

(*Author’s Note: I really, really hope that I do not have to make sure you guys know this–but all of these are, of course, fake.)

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HTMS Minor League Baseball Report

Pittsburgh

The Pittsburgh Pirates have announced the passing of first-round draft choice Chico Morales.

Morales, a 6’5″, 215-lb. switch-hitting phenom from San Juan, Puerto Rico, went missing nearly six months ago. All leads having been exhausted in the case, he has been declared dead by local authorities. He was considered to be the top available prospect in last year’s draft.

“The entire Pittsburgh Pirates organization sends its deepest and most heartfelt regards to the family of Chico Morales. We anticipated Chico to be the cornerstone of our franchise for years to come. He is a once in a generation talent, and his passing is a loss for not only his family and friends, but for the entire sport.”

As a first-round draft choice with the organization, it is estimated Morales would have signed a three-year deal worth $12 million, with a $1 million guaranteed signing bonus.

Details are scarce, but sources claim that Morales, 22, disappeared the night following the draft. He was last seen at The Ocean Bar and Grill, a popular nightspot located near San Juan’s Luiz Munoz Marin International Airport. Security cameras captured the young man dining with two unidentified white males before hastily paying the check and dispersing.

According to family and friends, there has been no correspondence with Morales since that evening.

“Words cannot express how devastated we are,” said Eduardo Morales, Chico’s father and one-time Yankee prospect. “Chico, if you are hearing this, we love you, Papi. Please come home.”

 
New York

The New York Yankees have come to terms with free agent center fielder Mico Corales. Corales, a 6’5″ switch-hitting phenom from Bayamon, Puerto Rico, agreed to terms Wednesday at the team’s spring training facility in Tampa, Florida.

“We anticipate Mico to be the cornerstone of our organization for years to come. He is a once in a generation talent, and his signing is going to be huge for not only Mico and his family, but for all of Major League Baseball.”

Terms were not available at press time, but the deal is reported to be for five years and $30 million, with a $1.5 million signing bonus.

Corales came out of nowhere last year to lead the Puerto Rican winter league in home runs, RBI and slugging percentage.

“Words cannot express how proud we are,” said Maduardo Corales, Mico’s father. “Mico, we love you, Papi! Nueva YORK!”

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