Kuzul

Questions like this are enough to put a man in the dirt.

In his 46 years on the air, sports radio host Bruce Drennan has fielded his share of inane and misguided questions.

He’s dealt with the weird, the mad and the ineffable, but never has he tangled with a caller as criminally misinformed as a man who recently phoned into his televised Fox Sports radio show All Bets Are Off.

Drennan nearly imploded when “Scott” from Sandusky called in to ask if Derek Jeter would possibly sign with the Cleveland Indians in 2015. Joe Kinsey of Busted Coverage spotted video of the incident, and it’s likely some viewers were afraid Drennan would drop dead on live television.

The host asked Scott to repeat his question, in case by some wild chance he had heard him incorrectly. The caller obliged.

“I was wondering what you thought of the chances of Derek Jeter—the Derek Jeter—going to the Indians.”

YouTube Screenshot

Not just “Derek Jeter.” The Derek Jeter.

Drennan handled the situation the best he could, and by that, I mean he avoided seizing up and choking to death on his own tongue.

“I think you’re an idiot,” Drennan said and clicked off the call.

But what about the Derek Jeter, Mr. Drennan? A nation of savvy sports fans needs to know whether or not a 39-year-old lifetime New York Yankees legend with marble-engraved plans for retirement would possibly pull a 180 and sign a contract with the Indians in 2015.

What’s it looking like on that front, Bruce?

The answer is a resounding, “You go to hell. You go there, and you die,” from Drennan, who couldn’t even laugh at the question because it offended him so.

Things must be worse than we thought in Cleveland. The Indians make it to a wild-card series, and some fans hazard to believe they’re giving off sexy enough vibes to lure one of the best shortstops of all time to their club. Either that, or some Cleveland residents were getting a head start on April Fools’ jokes.

Mr. Kinsey (sarcastically) ponders if Jeter could be playing us all.

“Maybe Jeter would like to pretend he’s playing his last season and then laugh at everyone in the Yankees organization by signing a one-year deal with the Indians in 2015,” Kinsey writes. “That would be the ultimate heel move, right.”

Regardless, Jeter will not be headed to the Indians or the city of Cleveland any time soon.

Scratch that. Jeter could be headed to Cleveland, if only for a layover on his way to Malibu for vacation.

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The Boston Red Sox have signed Japanese submarine pitcher Shunsuke Watanabe to a minor-league deal, according to a press release by the team.

While signing a Japanese player is not uncommon, signing one that pitches the way he does isn’t common:

According to the press release:

Watanabe, 37, has spent his entire 13-year career (2001-13) with the Chiba Lotte Marines in Japan’s Nippon Professional Baseball league. Primarily a starter, the submarine-style pitcher has posted a career record of 87-82 with a 3.65 ERA (640 ER/1578.1 IP), and 846 strikeouts in 255 games (240 starts).

When he does report to camp, Watanabe will work as a reliever, as opposed to a starter.

Here’s what the Twitter world is saying about him:

While it’s tough to say whether or not Watanabe will earn a spot in the bullpen, his pitching style will give fans something to come see during spring training.

And if he can prove himself in spring training and in the minors, there’s no reason to believe he won’t be with the Red Sox by midseason.

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For the first time in his career, New York Yankees outfielder Vernon Wells stole home.

The steal happened in the bottom of the second inning with two outs against the White Sox. Eduardo Nunez attempted to steal second, but stopped in the middle of the basepath on catcher Josh Phegley’s throw. Second baseman Gordon Beckham caught the ball and immediately threw home as Wells slid in just before the tag.

It was a heads-up play where he saw an opening and took advantage of a preoccupied defense to put the first run on the board.

While stealing home is uncommon, for a guy like Wells, it’s an even bigger deal.

Wells has 108 steals in his career, but has only stolen six bases this year. In fact, he’s only stolen 10 or more bases three times in his career.

As rare of a feat as it is, Wells isn’t even on the radar when it comes to the all-time leaders in this category. According to Baseball-Almanac.com, Ty Cobb tops the list with 54 swipes of home plate during his Hall of Fame career. In fact, no active player even has 10.

At this stage of his career, Wells would be lucky to get an opportunity like this ever again.

One Twitter user posted something even more extraordinary that happened elsewhere in MLB on Tuesday:

It’s just one of those nights that can’t be explained.

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If there haven’t been enough issues at O.co Coliseum this season, this latest one certainly helps add more evidence that the Oakland A’s are in dire need of a new home.

On Friday, Tampa Bay Rays closer Fernando Rodney decided he needed to use the bathroom, conveniently located at the end of the visiting dugout at the Coliseum.

However, Rodney ended up getting trapped.

It took a team of stadium personnel to finally get Rodney out of his predicament, using a crowbar to eventually pry the door open and let him out. Rodney did not factor in the game, as the Rays ended up losing 4-3. 

Back in mid-June, the A’s and Seattle Mariners ended up having to shower in the Oakland Raiders locker room after backed-up pipes caused flooding in both the home and visiting clubhouses.

And it was raw sewage that was dumped at the time.

Disgusting? Absolutely. But Rodney’s plight on Friday was hilarious to some of his teammates, several of whom could be seen cracking up after he was finally freed.

Many on Twitter thought the incident was quite humorous as well:

The clubhouses ended up going through an extensive renovation over a week’s time, with carpet, tile and drywall all torn out and replaced in affected areas.

But as President Obama said on the campaign trail in 2008 (in a variation of the old phrase), “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.”

The incident on Friday may have been funny to Rodney’s teammates, but it’s just another sign that the A’s need a new home, and sooner rather than later. 

Doug Mead is a featured columnist with Bleacher Report. His work has been featured in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, SF Gate, CBS Sports, the Los Angeles Times and the Houston Chronicle.

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Los Angeles Angels pitcher C.J. Wilson has had to endure a long season as his team entered Tuesday’s contest with the Tampa Bay Rays sporting a 58-71 record.

Wilson will now have to endure a lot more than just a tough season.

On his way back to the mound to start the second inning, Wilson saw the Tropicana Field carpet rise above his feet as he fell flat on his face.

OK, maybe the artificial surface didn’t really move, but Wilson could at least try to use that as an excuse, couldn’t he?

The Angels have stumbled through the 2013 season, so it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise to see one of their players take a little header of his own. 

Oddly enough, Wilson is one of the few Angels who haven’t stumbled their way through the season. Entering Tuesday’s start, Wilson is 13-6 with a 3.30 ERA, including a 4-0 record in the second half.

Fans on Twitter certainly got a kick out of Wilson’s misfortune.

Needless to say, many could look at Wilson’s face-plant as a microcosm of the Angels’ season as well. 

The Angels’ season will sadly be coming to an end in late September, but Wilson’s little trip-and-fall will likely play on a bit longer than that. 

Well, Wilson can at least say he has played “Head and Shoulders” above the rest of his team, despite meeting the Tropicana Field turf up close and personal. 

If it served at least one purpose, it gave Angels fans something to laugh about in an otherwise dreary year.

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If you’re a relief pitcher in the outfield bullpen and want to get a highlight, you need to get creative. Minnesota’s Jared Burton was up to the task.

No, a bullpen brawl did not erupt just as as the baseball sailed over the fence in the second inning of Friday’s double-header between the Twins and White Sox. 

According to Phil Miller of the Star Tribune, “When Chris Colabello swung at the John Danks’ second-inning pitch in Game 1, Brian Duensing jumped up in the Twins’ bullpen and yelled at Jared Burton, ‘C’mon — Punch me! Punch me!'”

They had reportedly been planning the prank for a long time, and we’re glad they did. 

Hat tip to NBC Sports for the GIF and the Star Tribune for the insight. 

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Sometimes it takes a little more than just brute strength to open a water bottle. 

Mets announcers discussed the muscular man’s workout program after watching him struggle mightily to get his Aquafina to open. At the end of the video, the man appears to give up and either returns his bottle or requests a new one.

Let’s hope he was properly hydrated before all of this went down.

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Boston Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester allowed a season-high 11 hits in just 4.1 innings Friday, his worst outing of the season. Apparently, to take his mind off his awful start, he played a little Temple Run and was pretty proud of his score. The only problem with this was that it was still the ninth inning when he shared his achievement.

The tweet has since been deleted, but Lester had the autotweet function enabled on his phone so it automatically shared his score of 1,209 (which isn’t anything to brag about, coming from someone who plays often). Lester later blamed his three-year-old son for sharing the score.

In the end, Lester avoided the loss because the Red Sox rallied in the bottom of the sixth inning to tie the score before ultimately losing 7-6.

Hat tip to Larry Brown Sports for the find. 

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Miami Marlins relief pitcher Chad Qualls‘ showing on Tuesday exemplified the Marlins season perfectly; even when things go well, they still seem to fail spectacularly.

Qualls allowed a triple at the beginning of the eighth inning against the Mets with the score tied 2-2. After he struck out Omar Quintanilla for the final out to keep the score even, Qualls‘ celebratory fist pump went awry as his feet got caught under him, and he did a full face plant into the infield. The reliever tried to play it off as if he were attempting a fist-pump somersault, but it’s clear from the video that he didn’t quite keep his footing.

Another angle of the tumble.

The most embarrassing part of this for him, however, is that this isn’t the first time Qualls has done something like this in a game. Here he is falling on a pickoff attempt while playing for the Phillies.

Some athletes just aren’t as sure on their feet as others, apparently.

Hat tip to Larry Brown Sports for the GIFs. 

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Atlanta Braves shortstop Andrelton Simmons has more than just a good glove on him.

As if his walk-off triple on Monday night wasn’t enough, new video surfaced of Simmons pulling off his best Tiger Woods impression, juggling a baseball with his bat instead.

The video doesn’t start off too well, as reliever Luis Avilan and third baseman Chris Johnson attempt to perform the stunt unsuccessfully. In fact, both should keep their day jobs.

Utility infielder Paul Janish comes up next and does rather well, but ultimately loses control.

I will give Janish credit because he wasn’t hitting the ball with short strokes, instead putting a little more lift on it, which makes it harder to control.

Then, Simmons stepped up and really impressed.

Notice how Simmons keeps the bat close to his body, maintaining perfect balance. That allows him to have more control over where the ball goes off the bat.

Now, compare that to Woods’ video with Nike:

The major differences between the two are Woods went between his legs and behind his back, while Simmons played a little hacky sack with the baseball.

Of course, both ended the exhibition nicely by hitting their respective ball after bouncing it one last time off the club or bat.

It would be interesting to see how far each ball flew, however. 

There’s no real way to tell, but it’s a fair guess to assume Tiger’s went farther.

With 162 games in a season, sometimes players have to find new ways to entertain themselves.

Who knows what other feats they pull off away from the cameras?

Maybe next time we’ll see a video catching a player doing a trick shot where he hits a baseball into a garbage can 250 feet away.

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