Tag: Humor

Chicago White Sox: Selecting the All-Decade Team 2002-2012

It’s the offseason, a month away from spring training.  Like many of you, I’m a bored Sox fan.  In my previous articles, I have come off as extremely pessimistic.  It’s a curse, what can I say.  

It’s a new year and a chance for me to change it up.  Let’s focus on the good. Introducing your Chicago White Sox all-decade team..

For those of you who wanted to recall the illustrious careers of Dan Wright, Billy Koch and Rob Mackowiak, you’ve come to the wrong place.

Maybe if I get enough positive feedback on this piece, I’ll come up with the franchise’s worst players of the decade next week. Enjoy. 

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Oakland Athletics: Sh*t A’s Fans Don’t Say VIDEO

CHAMPIONSHIP!

Next in our “Sh*t __ Say” series…another look into the lives of Oakland Athletics fans.

Because it really does not matter how many of these videos you have already seen.

Sometimes it’s fun to look past a team’s flaws and just have a good time joking around. Some of these will never happen at any point during the life of an A’s fan. Other quotes may just not be a part of the conversation for the next year…or two.

Once again, Fan Fest in Oakland gave a great glimpse of the Athletics’ fan base. Solid bunch.

Without further ado, we bring you “Sh*t A’s Fans Say.”

Click Here to go to our follow-up video: “Sh*t A’s Fans Say!”

 

Produced and Written By:

Ally Williams:

Twitter: @itsallyduhh

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/ally-williams/20/9a0/8b4 

Josh Eisenmann

Twitter: @Eisenmann89

Max Schreiber

Twitter: @baseballrodent

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/max-schreiber/1a/ab7/a17

Sunny Boparai

Twitter: @Sunny_sf

Email: Sunny_sf@hotmail.com

 

Get ready for next week: “Sh*t Giants Fans Say/Don’t Say”

Contact any of us with ideas for future installments!

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com


Oakland Athletics: Sh*t A’s Fans Say VIDEO

“Should we go see a Rivercats game to see what the team is going to look like next year?” 

You’ve seen plenty of the videos. Whether you love them or hate them, they’re everywhere. Still, in spite of all the viral spin offs circulating around the Internet, there are very few that depict the lives of sports fans. This is where we come in.

What is it like to be a lifelong A’s fan? Well through the past few years, it hasn’t been that easy. Still, there are still plenty of Oakland faithful that show up to the games. Even more that show up to Fan Fest!

We took a trip up to Oakland during Fan Fest and came back with a little view into what it’s like to root for the Athletics. Regardless of the players, management, or this season’s standings, A’s fans flocked to o.Co Coliseum to support their team. Note: It was the first time I’d ever felt awkward wearing my Giants gear.

Enjoy our video, and leave your comments below. Did we miss some? Nail a quote right on the head?

Without further ado, we bring you “Sh*t A’s Fans Say.”

Click Here to go to our follow-up video: “Sh*t A’s Fans Say!”

 

Produced and Written By:

Ally Williams:

Twitter: @itsallyduhh

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/ally-williams/20/9a0/8b4 

Josh Eisenmann

Twitter: @Eisenmann89

Max Schreiber

Twitter: @baseballrodent

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/max-schreiber/1a/ab7/a17

Sunny Boparai

Twitter: @Sunny_sf

Email: Sunny_sf@hotmail.com

 

Get ready for next week: “Sh*t Giants Fans Say/Don’t Say”

Contact any of us with ideas for future installments!

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com


Boston Red Sox Opening Day at Fenway is Friday the 13th—What Could Happen?

While trying to plan out book signings and other spring plans, I went on to redsox.com the other day and took my first look at the 2012 team schedule. Opting for the old-fashioned “printable” format with its familiar little white (away) and red (home) boxes, I learned that the Sox start the season in Detroit and Toronto and don’t play their home opener until April 13—Friday, April 13. 

I immediately laughed, wondering how often (if ever) this has happened in team history and if there could be any worse time for such a bad omen.

The collapse the 2011 Red Sox experienced in the final weeks of the season and the wings-and-beer headlines that followed were perhaps the most depressing period for Sox fans since Aaron Boone took Wakefield deep in 2003. Before that one has to go back to Bill Buckner (1986) and Bucky Dent (1978) for similar misery, and on impulse I did a quick check to see when Fenway opened in each of those four years. Maybe this was a trend I had missed.

Nope. The Sox broke out the Fenway bunting on Friday, April 14 in both ’78 and ’86, and on Saturday, Aprl 12 in 2003 (all close but no El Tiante). In 2011 they got under way at home on the seemingly safe day of Friday, April 8, but perhaps the devils were laughing anyway: the winning pitcher over the Royals that afternoon—in, lest we forget, the team’s first victory of the year after an 0-6 start—was none other than John Lackey.

The next logical question is how many times the Red Sox have opened Fenway on Friday the 13th, and what has happened. Clearly the schedule-makers have previously done their best to avoid such a situation, because in the first 111 home openers in franchise history, it has happened exactly ONCE, in 1984.

Bruce Hurst allowed seven runs to the Tigers in the top of the first inning that day, and Detroit went on to a 13-9 victory in the first home game of the post-Yaz era. Ralph Houk’s Sox went on to a respectable 86-76 campaign, but were never in the pennant hunt after Detroit’s 35-5 start to the season. The Tigers went on to win the World Series, so perhaps the 13th was lucky for Sparky Anderson and Co.

OK, so now that we’ve established we’re in rare territory here, what to make of it? Well, I thought it would be fun to contemplate what could happen when the Red Sox host the Rays on Friday, April 13, 2012—the kickoff to Fenway’s 100th birthday season:


BOSTON, April 13—With just a week to go before Fenway Park celebrates its official 100th birthday, the Red Sox had better hope they can find a way to spread some good cheer before the big day. Today’s news couldn’t have been worse.

The 2:05 p.m. start to the game between the host Red Sox and Tampa Bay Rays was delayed two hours when bricks from part of Fenway’s original foundation broke off early in the morning and fell to the ground in the concourse behind home plate. No fans were yet in the park, and no employees were injured, but the incident caused a near riot on Brookline Avenue as management kept crowds from entering Yawkey Way until the debris was cleared and the area safely sealed off.

Fans were finally settling into their seats when the next bombshells hit. Calvin Schiraldi, the 1986 World Series scapegoat welcomed back to Fenway as part of a “We Forgive You” campaign by Sox management, threw out the ceremonial first pitch and drilled catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia in his unprotected kneecap, breaking it and forcing the Sox to start backup Kelly Shoppach in his place.

Starting pitcher Jon Lester next took the mound, but didn’t last through his warm-ups before a pain in his shoulder prompted manager Bobby Valentine to pull him as well.

Not wanting to shake up his other front-line pitchers, Valentine left the game in the hands of fifth starter Alfredo Aceves. The Rays promptly broke out to a 3-0 lead in the first inning, with two of the runs scoring when Boston left fielder Carl Crawford —while in pursuit of a fly ball—tripped on a chicken bone thrown onto the field by a heckling fan.

The Red Sox seemingly tied things up in the third inning on a three-run homer by David Ortiz off James Shields, but the runs were erased when Rays manager Joe Maddon appealed correctly that the slugger had batted out of order. Baserunners Crawford and Jacoby Ellsbury were ordered back to their bases and Ortiz called out—thus ending the inning. Valentine charged from the dugout to protest, and was ejected by umpire Ed Armbrister.

Aceves pitched admirably through the middle innings, but Shields held Boston scoreless before departing after eight innings with a 4-0 lead—helped in part by four double-plays turned behind him.

The Red Sox were happy to see him gone, and rallied in the bottom of the ninth off closer Kyle Farnsworth to load the bases with two outs.

Crawford stepped to the plate, hoping to atone for his earlier “boner”, and slammed a Farnsworth offering deep into center field. The ball rolled to the triangle as three runs scored, and Crawford appeared ready to tie the game on an inside-the-park homer.

Then the inexplicable happened. A black cat, sneaked into the ballpark by Schiraldi, escaped from its carrier in the box seats behind home plate and ran onto the field. Spooked by the sight of the feline in his path, Crawford stumbled and fell halfway between third base and home. He quickly jumped up and continued running, but was easily tagged out at the plate by catcher Robinson Chirinos.

After the game, when asked why he had brought the cat to the game, Schiraldi offered a devlish grin and said, “Why, I take little Bucky Boone everywhere.”


Saul Wisnia lives less than 7 miles from Fenway Park and works 300 yards from Yawkey Way. His latest book, Fenway Park: The Centennial, is available here http://amzn.to/qWjQRS and his Red Sox reflections can be found at http://saulwisnia.blogspot.com/. You can reach him at saulwizz@gmail.com or #saulwizz.

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com


The All-Tattooed Team of Major League Baseball

Although it is much more uncommon to see tattooed athletes in Major League Baseball when compared with the NBA or the NFL, there are still a number of players who sport the ink. 

From players covered in body art, such as Ryan Roberts of the Arizona Diamondbacks, to the players who are a bit more tame with their tats, I’ll compose a team of these players if they played on the same team. 

Position by position, this is what the tatted team would look like:

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Florida Marlins: 5 People the Marlins Must Drop in Order to Succeed in 2012

With a young team, a pair of superstars and a new stadium set to open in 2012, the Florida Marlins are poised to begin a new chapter in their short but illustrious history. 

While the 2011 season was set to be a year full of promise, the young Marlins could not live up to the weight of their own early season expectations and squandered the chance to be in the Wildcard chase with a historically bad month of June.

In retrospect, it’s obvious that while the team has some legitimately talented pieces in Gaby Sanchez, Mike Stanton, Josh Johnson and Hanley Ramirez to build around, with top prospect Matt Dominguez on the way, there’s still quite a few holes the franchise needs to plug before taking the next step.

Here’s a few folks who should probably be thrown overboard if the Miami faithful wants to see their boys bring home a third World Series title.

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Russell Martin: New York Yankees Catcher Hates the Boston Red Sox

Stop the presses! Hold the phone! Tweet, tweet, tweet!

A Yankee catcher admits he has no fondness for the Boston Red Sox. Not since Tom Brady admitted his lack of affection for the New York Jets last year has there been such an earth-shaking announcement.

Russell Martin told the media how much he hates the Red Sox!

In Boston, such earthquakes generally run around 3.0 on the Richter Scale, hardly more than a grumble over spilled milk.

Russell Martin flirted with the Red Sox in the offseason when inquiries were made to spend a few million dollars on him, but he blew cold when the flowers and candy proved to be less substantial than a New York speed-dating minute.

In Red Sox and Yankee catcher wars, you have to go back to Carleton Fisk and Thurman Munson to find more fireworks, though Jason Varitek notably stuck a mitt into Alex Rodriguez’s snout a few years back. Jarrod Saltalamacchia criticized Yankee catchers for doing the cha-cha during their previous series in Boston.

Martin now struts his Bronx ties like a peacock on a low-rated network.

Such pronouncements usually arrive when the opposing team has confidence that they shall not again return to Fenway Park this season. An attitude like that makes for a great mixed martial arts matchup. Take that, magic number.

The Yankees must already have found their adversary in Florida or Texas, where the hothouse flowers wilt in the cold breeze off the Hudson River.

Suffice it to say—the Red Sox don’t have much of a bone to pick with Martin. The Sox are too busy turning on each other to pay much attention to those Yankees. 

The squabbles between Theo Epstein and Terry Francona are among the rumors spicing up the Boston airwaves.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia may wonder if his Yankees counterpart has some of the hot Latin temperament he earlier noted with another Yankee catcher.

Alas, all this ill will would be kind of fun if the Red Sox weren’t about to play the last act of the season in whimper mode.

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com


San Francisco Giants: Will Brian Wilson Finally Shave the Beard?

With the San Francisco Giants 8.5 games out of first place with just 18 games remaining in the regular season, the defending world champs face many significant questions as they head into the offseason.

One of those questions, though not directly related to the club’s performance on the field (or is it?), is the subject of The Beard.

We’re all familiar with the tale behind the outgrowth of the massive and formidable jet-black monster that resides on the chin of San Francisco’s All-Star closer.

Brian Wilson began to grow it in 2010 as the Giants approached the stretch run in their race to make the postseason. He told teammates he wouldn’t shave it until the Giants were eliminated from contention.

And we all know how that went.

After the Giants won their first world championship in 56 years, Wilson continued to grow the beard into the offseason and arrived at spring training 2011 with it having doubled in size.

Wilson was apparently very serious about his commitment to growing the beard until the Giants were eliminated from playoff contention, even if it meant the next year.

Well, now it looks as if it’s finally going to happen. The Arizona Diamondbacks are running away with the National League West, and following a frustrating season of injuries and setbacks (including two for Wilson himself), the clock is ticking on San Francisco’s season.

So, will Wilson shave the beard should the Giants be eliminated later this month? And if so, will there be some sort of official ceremony to commemorate the occasion, closing the book on one of the most famous locks of facial hair in baseball history?

Ah, the questions that face the Giants as they approach the offseason. With all of the serious issues for the club to consider, make some time to put all of those aside come the end of September, because something far more important for the moment may be on the horizon.

The Beard will forever be linked with the first World Series championship ever won in San Francisco and might just end up in a showcase somewhere.

The Hall of Fame? AT&T Park? The living room of a rich Giants fan with the winning bid at auction?

Who knows?

One thing’s for certain: The Beard was integral to the world championship in 2010, and it will always have its rightful place in San Francisco Giants lore.

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com


Boston Red Sox Flu Spreading as Contagion of Injuries Strikes Again

When the Boston Red Sox began their season losing six straight games and having one of the worst Aprils in their history, it seemed as if it were over.

Fortunately, that losing streak was a hiccup, a minor skin irritation, but now it seems the symptoms have become full blown.

The Sox, to their great resiliency, came back and played far beyond what the opening week suggested. They looked almost like what the stats sheet said they would appear to be.

Alas, the injury bug has hit like Contagion, the new hit movie about a pandemic.

Forget Bird Flu or Swine Flu. We now have caught Red Sox Flu, which is not to be confused with Red Sox fever.

As the new movie Contagion states, nothing spreads like fear, and now, Sox fans, the panic is about to set in.

The injury bug has gone viral.

Don’t talk to other Sox fans. Don’t touch Red Sox memorabilia. You may spread the fear that the Sox are looking at a fight to stay in the Wild Card slot.

The latest bug has bitten Kevin Youkilis. The Red Sox medical staff, which borders on malpractice at best, recently returned the third baseman to the lineup, and now his hipbone is detaching from the leg bone.

 

Another MRI is just what the doctor ordered.

Sox fans may demand that the Center for Disease Control (CDC) be sent to Boston to learn what kind of voodoo has cursed the Red Sox just when they looked ready to win a third title in this decade.

If we look for a common factor in the rampant injuries that have beset the Red Sox, we find only a sad excuse to use as a salve when the crying is over.

Last year, the Sox lost Jacoby Ellsbury to the injury bug, and this year, they may lose the entire team.

Unless there is a Jonas Salk or Louis Pasteur in the Red Sox trainer’s room, we fear the gremlin that attacks the team. If only we had nothing to fear but fear itself, we might feel confident.

Alas, injury bugs often run the course of a season. 

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com


New York Yankees: Bartolo Colon and C.C. Sabathia Heavy on the Round Mound

Not since the late Early Wynn pitched for Cleveland in a comeback to win 300 games has there been a pitching staff with two starters who look like the monsters who ate Cleveland.

Bartolo Colon and C.C. Sabathia, in combined British stone, would be heavy enough to build Stonehenge. Colon’s kind public relations guys claim he is still under 275 pounds. Sabathia is in the same ballpark as his fellow Yankee starter, but he hides it better.

If you want super-sized stars, then these two pitchers are now rivals for the Tweedledee and Tweedledum award, Kirstie Alley’s former prize.

When will an enterprising dieting food company sign them up? They’d eat everything on the menu.

Over the offseason Sabathia was said to have lost 30 pounds. Well, he found it again with a Happy Meal or two. Kind hearts have suggested the pitchers have a metabolism problem. On the moon, they’d only weigh 50 pounds, each. Fortunately for them, stripes make them look thinner.

In Boston the weighty issues generally have been limited to the hamburger-munching habits of Big Baby Glen Davis, but if you wanted to make a sandwich with Baby between those Yankee pitchers, he’d look like lean ground beef.

If these guys were playing for Mike Shanahan, they’d be on permanent suspension. Someone should tell them that Refrigerator Perry played football, not baseball.

If we measured C.C. in liquid weight, Sabathia would likely top a million. We are told that 1000 cc’s equal 2.2 pounds.

No doubt Yankee haters will call Sabathia and Colon many names related to being overweight, just don’t call them late to the dinner table.

We think Red Sox trim boys like Jacoby Ellsbury and Josh Reddick would fit into one pair of Colon’s pants, though we are not eager to see such a feat accomplished on a Twitpic.

So far Charles Barkley has not weighed in on the issue of the Yankee avoirdupois, but the pitching staff provides fans with love handles to grab onto for the remainder of the season in case it turns into a bumpy ride.

Herman Melville wrote about whales and ended up in New York in his twilight years. The Yankees have clearly harpooned a few more Moby types.

We don’t want to criticize the Yankees too much because we all know the World Series doesn’t end ’til the Fat Man pitches. 

Read more MLB news on BleacherReport.com


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