Kuzul

Coming to a foreign country as your new place of employment can often be a difficult transition for anybody. There’s the obvious potential language barrier. There’s the scrutiny of your new peers and high expectations from your superiors for importing you into their business. And the obvious adaptation to the new surroundings is daunting enough as it is.

For the average expatriate, these issues themselves can be difficult to overcome. Now imagine doing your new job, in a foreign land, while being followed by hordes of media, with the extreme demands of both representing your native country and performing at a high level.

That’s what it has to have been like for Oakland Athletics outfielder Yoenis Cespedes, who defected from Cuba this past March to seek employment with Major League Baseball. And just like that, the madness began, the international pressures of success emerged, and the resulting media crush surrounding Cespedes’ every move was spawned.

Though it doesn’t seem like that terribly difficult of a situation, there have to be some growing pains for Cespedes in his amalgamation into MLB and American culture, especially as the most highly-touted Cuban prospect in the past few decades—as an everyday position player to boot.

Over the years, several Cuban defectors have put up brilliant performances and seasons, but most of them were starting pitchers, e.g., Livan Hernandez, Orlando Hernandez and Jose Contreras.

Yet it’s the performance of position players that draws the attention, the adulation and the lofty expectations from American fans, the international media and their native fanbases.

Nobody understands that more than Seattle Mariners outfielder Ichiro Suzuki, who experienced similar fanfare 11 years ago as the first Japanese-born everyday position player in MLB history. Carrying an entire nation of fans on one’s back each day, for 162 games, is something few players understand quite like Suzuki does.

One has to wonder if Cespedes has taken notes from Suzuki over the past month.

The Athletics and Mariners square off this weekend, their third series already in this young baseball season. If it were possible, it’d be interesting to see if Suzuki has any sage advice for Cespedes in his rookie season in MLB.

Although the paths each player took to the U.S. are a bit different, there are some similarities to the foundations for their respective American careers.

Suzuki came to the Mariners as a 27-year-old who played nine professional seasons in Japan’s Pacific League. He completely assaulted the competition, stroking a .353 career batting average, accumulating seven batting titles and three consecutive MVP awards in the process. These astonishing accomplishments helped propel his desire to advance his career to the major-league level in America.

Cespedes’ pre-U.S. résumé surprisingly resembles that of Suzuki. Cespedes joined the majors this season at 26 years old, after spending eight seasons in Serie Nacional, Cuba’s national baseball system. He batted over .300 in seven of those years and was thrice an All-Star outfielder.

One would think that the obvious difference between the two international stars is Cespedes’ power hitting, as the Cuban’s physical makeup is more noticeably stout and burly, whereas Suzuki’s is more lithe and lean.

While Cespedes certainly has the superior physical strength, their individual numbers are hard to compare in respective nations’ baseball leagues. True, Cespedes mashed a career-high 33 home runs in 90 games in 2010-2011.

But while Cespedes’ best OPS season was in 2005-2006, when he posted a career high of 1.093, Suzuki’s career-best in Japan was .999, which is still quite a lofty mark.

Both had the physical packages in their native countries that included the five tools of an all-around baseball player. Cespedes is clearly the stronger power hitter, while Suzuki is a better base stealer with better raw speed. Both excelled in the outfield as center fielders and had strong arms to keep baserunners at bay.

Thus, while there are some clear differences between Cespedes’ and Suzuki’s careers in their native baseball leagues, they both came to MLB to pursue their baseball dreams.

There are some striking similarities between their games that made them each hot free-agent commodity. They came to the U.S. at similar ages, with similar experiences at the international level, having both played in the World Baseball Classic. Both are true national idols in their respective countries.

Will Cespedes be able to follow in Suzuki’s footsteps, finding immediate success this season with the Athletics, on his way to a potential Rookie of the Year campaign?

Cespedes got off to a torrid start to 2012, hitting three home runs in the first four games of the season, igniting Cespedes fever and building the foundation for an impressive first season in MLB. But can he keep it up the way that Suzuki did in 2001, on his way to winning both the Rookie of the Year and MVP awards?

Likely not. Most definitely not.

Cespedes is not the refined, staid talent that Suzuki was when he entered the American League. There are more holes in Cespedes’ game—and his swing—that will prevent him from putting up a top-tier performance, especially over 162 games.

In Cuba, the baseball season is over 60 games shorter, so Cespedes’ conditioning will come into play later during the dog days of summer. Further, will his body be able to adjust to the traveling conditions, playing on the road, in different time zones, for six grueling months?

These are questions that will be answered throughout the course of Cespedes’ hyped rookie season. Under the watchful eye of nearly the entire Caribbean community, he will answer questions to the trailing media, do interviews and make community appearances.

It will be a welcome challenge, one that the Cuban export will fully embrace—he has so far demonstrated warm enthusiasm toward this opportunity in the majors, just like Suzuki did 11 years ago.

Yes, their paths may be different—they are from different socioeconomic backgrounds, different eras and different cultures. But their journeys to embark on the American dream through baseball are the same.

It’s unlikely that Cespedes will attain the unprecedented accomplishments that Suzuki did in 2001. But if he achieves half of that—a Rookie of the Year award—Cespedes will surely consider this season a success.

Maybe the two of them can compare notes this weekend.

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Early tomorrow morning, or late tonight depending on your point of view, the 2012 regular season will kick off with a game between the A’s and Mariners at the Tokyo Dome in Japan.

This is not the first time Major League Baseball will make Pacific overtures to its fans in the Chrysanthemum Kingdom and it won’t be the last. In an ever-shrinking world, one in which businesses must go where the money is if they are to remain vibrant and profitable, baseball’s overseas fans are crucial to its future.

Baseball has come a long way from barnstorming Japan both before and after World War II, tours that brought teams of All-Stars, not to mention whole Yankees and Giants rosters and such luminaries as John McGraw, Casey Stengel, Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig and Joe DiMaggio. Another visitor of note was two-time National League batting champ Lefty O’Doul, who made many trips back to Japan to teach and help establish the country’s version of professional baseball. Now, through these official games, Japan is actually a part of the official baseball season. 

The game was ever a common language between the two countries, even at war. At times during World War II, when the two sides were in close enough combat to hear each other’s shouts, Americans would call out, “To Hell with Hirohito,” a blasphemy to Japanese ears given the divinity of the emperor. In return, the Japanese would cry, “To Hell with Babe Ruth.” Word got back to the Babe. Offended, he purchased $100,000 in war bonds. 

It would be years before an actual exchange of players took place. Don Newcombe and Larry Doby were the first American ballplayers to play for a Japanese team (with the Chunichi Dragons in 1962), beginning an outflow of talent that hasn’t ceased to this day. The reverse, Japanese players coming to America, didn’t happen for much longer due to the tight grip that Nippon Professional Baseball kept over its players as well as a cultural bias against playing elsewhere. Left-handed pitcher Masanori Murakami was the first Japan-born player to reach the major leagues, debuting with the San Francisco Giants in 1964. Though only 21, he returned home after the 1965 season and spent the rest of his career in Japan. 

It would be many years before another Japanese professional established himself in the majors. That was the Dodgers’ 1995 Rookie of the Year winner Hideo Nomo. Nomo was successful enough that major-league clubs began taking a more serious look at Japanese players. This roughly coincided with an economic crunch for the Japanese clubs that made American posting fees for their players increasingly attractive. Suddenly there was Shigetosi Hasegawa, Hideki Irabu, Kazuhiro Sasaki and more, climaxing with Ichiro Suzuki. 

Ichiro is the most successful major league to come over from Japan, easily surpassing his closest rival, Hideki Matsui. Already a star with the Orix Blue Wave, Ichiro made his stateside debut with the Mariners at 27 in 2001 and was an immediate sensation. A throwback to the Deadball Era, Ichiro pounded out a league-leading 242 hits, many of them infield singles, also led the league in batting average and stolen bases, won both Rookie of the Year and Most Valuable Player awards and picked up a deserved Gold Glove for defense.

In the years since, the outfielder has won another batting title and led the American League in hits another half-dozen times, breaking George Sisler’s ancient single-season hits record in 2004. Despite his late start in the majors, he retains an outside chance of reaching 3,000 hits on these shores. 

Ichiro has served an important dual purpose. His success has helped bind American talent-watchers to Japan and Japanese fans to the American game. As good as players such as Matsui, Nomo, Akinori Iwamura, Kaz Matsui, Tadahito Iguchi have been at times, as many good seasons as pitchers such as Nomo, Hasegawa, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Takashi Saito, Tomo Ohka and others have had, these were mere transients. Ichiro is a real star, a legitimate Hall of Famer purely for what he has done in a Mariners uniform. 

Ichiro’s off-year in 2011 brings his career to a difficult crossroads. As great as he has been overall, with the exception of the 2001, 2004 and 2009 seasons, he has not been a dominating offensive player. Hitting .300, running the bases well and playing strong defense are all valuable, and Ichiro has certainly been that, but walking and hitting for power are also essential components of productive hitting. Ichiro cannot (or, some would argue, will not) do those things, and when his batting average drops closer to .300 than .350—or, as last year, when it dropped well below that mark—he has less to fall back on than a player with a wider array of skills. 

When Jason Giambi hit .342 with 38 home runs and 129 walks in 2001 (the same year rookie Ichiro hit .350/.381/.457) he had one of the best offensive seasons of all time. When he hit .271 with 32 home runs and 108 walks for the 2005 Yankees, he was no longer historic, but still quite valuable. The same cannot be said of Ichiro as a .272 hitter last year. The baserunning helps. The defense helps. By themselves, they do not make up for a player at a power position posting an on-base percentage of .310 or slugging .335. 

The talent pipeline between the American and Japanese majors is now secure enough that Japanese-born players will continue to star in the States. If Ichiro cannot rebound while batting third for the Mariners this year, another hero will rise up to take his place. Perhaps that will be the Rangers’ Yu Darvish. The next step, for a native of Japan to come up through the American minors without first making a long stop in his home leagues, may have difficult implications for the viability of the Japanese majors, but it will eventually need to happen if there are to be more representatives of the island nation in Cooperstown following Ichiro.

In the meantime, we have games such as the two to be played between the A’s and the Mariners. The home fans will get to see one of their stars playing in a game that counts in a league with a higher level of difficulty than their own (American lineups are deeper than their Japanese counterparts). Just as even Hollywood’s biggest bombs can eke out a profit by appealing to foreign audiences (Disney’s hope for John Carter), baseball’s growth will depend not just on the continuing loyalty of American audiences, but of its ability to become a spectacle that can attract a world audience.

Baseball the game has already won Japanese hearts; Major League Baseball, through games such as these and its embrace of Ichiro, must do the same. 

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Prior to 2001, only Japanese pitchers had made the journey stateside to play in the MLB. When Ichiro Suzuki arrived, many experts as well as fans were skeptical whether or not he would make much of an impact. 

Over a decade later, I think it’s safe to say that Ichiro has done that and more. In fact, Ichiro has played so well over this time that, for many, a season in which he hit only .272 with 184 hits as he approaches an age where most ball players are retired was considered a disappointment.  

It’s with that sentiment in mind that I thought it might be fun to look back and review some of the most special moments and achievements of Ichiro’s career since coming stateside in 2001.

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The Seattle Mariners are currently in Arizona with the home opener still a month away, but that does not mean you can’t get your Mariners fix.

To help build the excitement for a team that is looking really good in the preseason, the 2012 Mariners commercials were just released.

Even Ichiro Suzuki gets in on the action. 

Normally around this time, I’d be preparing myself for another year of Mariner disappointment; however, the M’s have not been disappointing yet during the 2012 preseason.

With nine wins and three losses, Seattle is currently at the top of the preseason Cactus League standings. A .750 Pct, is not too shabby.

Also with a .750 Pct in the preseason Cactus League is Oakland (9-3) and the Los Angeles Dodgers (6-2).

The Mariners’ current record puts them above everyone else in the preseason Cactus League including (in order of highest to lowest): San Francisco, Los Angeles Angles, Chicago Cubs, Kansas City, Cincinnati, Milwaukee, Colorado, San Diego, Texas, Cleveland, Arizona and the Chicago White Sox.

In the Grapefruit League, only Toronto (9-2) and Detroit (6-1) have a better record than a .750 Pct. 

In the Mariners’ 7-4 win over Milwaukee today, Mariners catcher Jesus Montero, who came into the game hitting .389, ended up striking out in all three at-bats.

Despite the win, Montero was cold as a fish today, which makes his new Mariners’ commercial all the more fun to watch.

I’ll stop here with the scores, stats, and standings. Continue clicking to watch all five of the new 2012 Mariners MLB commercials and the blooper reel. 

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If any other baseball player on the planet saw his batting average fall to .272 for the season after hitting nearly .330 for his entire 10-year career, there would be maybe only a slight cause for concern.

But Seattle Mariners‘ right fielder Ichiro Suzuki is no ordinary ball player. Thus, there are some major issues to address regarding the future production of the Mariners’ superstar.

Can he rebound from an un-Ichiro-like 2011 season, one in which he batted .272 with an abysmal .645 OPS? Or was last year the signal of an eminent decline for the 38-year-old?

If Ichiro played in a larger media market, this would be a huge story. But being tucked in the damp and cozy confines of the Pacific Northwest, the prognostication of Ichiro is only slightly on the radar of MLB’s hottest topics.

Last week it was announced by ESPN.com, that Seattle manager Eric Wedge is seriously considering moving Ichiro out of his famed leadoff spot. There is a strong possibility that the speedy Ichiro will slide down to the No. 3 slot in the order come Opening Day.

It would be the first time in Ichiro’s 11-year MLB career that he wouldn’t be the clear-cut starting leadoff hitter.

Part of this move is to ignite some life into the motionless Seattle offense that has set several records for futility over the past two seasons. One intention is to move Chone Figgins to the top of the lineup in order to improve his production.

Hitting ahead of Ichiro instead of behind him may provide Figgins with better pitches to hit, while giving Ichiro the opportunity to drive in some runs instead of hitting with the bases empty so often.

But a latent function of Ichiro moving down in the order would be to provide him with more patience at the plate. Having runners on ahead of him—or at least the possibility of such—would give Ichiro a chance to start sitting back and waiting on pitches instead of aggressively applying his patented chop swing early in the count.

With the opposition pitching out of the stretch more frequently, Ichiro can wait to see a fastball—or a certain pitch—and do with it what he has done throughout his career: disrupt the defense.

With Figgins setting the table, and possibly Dustin Ackley or Michael Saunders as candidates for the two hole, Ichiro can initiate some offense, either through hit-and-run executions or simply driving in runs himself.

Last season, Ichiro logged 47 RBI, roughly the same as his career median output. While his overall batting average slumped by his own high standards, he did hit a respectable .302 with runners in scoring position, and his on-base percentage climbed to .401. By comparison, Ichiro batted a sorrowful .249 when leading off an inning. Yikes.

This 2012 campaign will be an interesting one for the Mariners and Ichiro. He is in the last year of his contract, one that will see him earn $18 million this season. Will Seattle extend him to another long-term deal?

Given his age (38), Ichiro needs to prove that last year was an aberration. Most athletes are on the decline by the time they reach Ichiro’s age. Though he still has some bat and foot speed (40 stolen bases), the M’s have to be concerned about how he’ll perform this season in assessing his future moving forward.

If Ichiro truly bounces back to his prototypical form, the Mariners will gladly ensure that he finishes his career in Seattle.

It’s a bit tricky to evaluate how productive Ichiro is, however. After all, he has set the bar so incredibly high in his career that it’s hard to truly determine that a season in which he tallied 184 hits, stole 40 bases and scored 80 runs is completely terrible.

Especially when taking into consideration that the team as a whole ranked dead last in all of baseball in nearly every major statistical category.

Yet Ichiro and his ball club knows that this is a very important season for him. Ichiro is a tremendously proud person and baseball player. He knows that there is a lot riding on him: if he demonstrates his ability to recover from last year, he can finish his career on his own terms in the next three to five years. 

Unfortunately, if he racks up numbers similar to last year, or somehow regresses even further, it’s possible that this could be his last year in an M’s uniform. Even if Seattle does attempt to retain him, it will not be even close to the $18 million pay rate that Ichiro has been accustomed to for all these years.

Make no mistake, if there’s any player who can iron out the kinks and smooth out the hitting mechanics, it’s Ichiro. But the Mariners as an organization must make stronger efforts and longer strides in becoming a successful and winning ball club as a whole.

Otherwise, Ichiro will continue to lose interest in the excitement for playing for such a dreadful team. After all, who wants to play for the worst offense in the history of baseball?

It’ll definitely be a story to follow all season. Can Ichiro regain his all-world form? Tune in and find out.

Follow me on Twitter: @nathanieljue

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As the free-agent signing period gets underway the Mariners enter the marketplace as potential buyers in the midst of rebuilding with GM Jack Zduriencik leading the charge.

After another disappointing season, the Mariners currently have a few roster spots that could use a significant upgrade. 

Fortunately from a long-term perspective, the Mariners appear to have a solid stockpile of young pitchers, given the number of quality prospects currently within the organization that can some day join Felix Hernandez and Michael Pineda, as Baseball Prospectus via Larry Stone at the Seattle Times posted last week.

Until then, Jason Vargas, Charlie Furbush and Blake Beavan can fill the void while options like Jamie Moyer are available to help fill out the rotation if need be. 

But what the Mariners currently need and potentially lack down the road is hitting and speed.

The Mariners have prospects, but right now no one on par with where Dustin Ackley was this time last year. 

So from an offensive standpoint, what options do the M’s realistically have for 2012 and beyond?

Assuming the right side of the infield is set with Justin Smoak and Dustin Ackley, two outfield spots with Ichiro and Franklin Gutierrez and the catcher’s spot with Miguel Olivo, we are left with a whole lot of uncertainty on the left side of the diamond. 

At the hot corner, Alex Liddi, Kyle Seager and Chone Figgins all have major questions/issues, but it’s likely that one of them will be in the lineup opening day.

At shortstop, Brendan Ryan is a placeholder. SS Nick Franklin is still another year or two away, although based on his performance in the Arizona Fall League we might be seeing him sooner rather than later. 

Joe Sheehan at Sports Illustrated reports…

“At 6-foot-1 and 170 pounds, Franklin doesn’t look impressive until he starts playing baseball, and then he can look like the best player on the field. Franklin is a switch-hitter who I saw drive the ball, from the left side, to all parts of the park. Just as impressive was his defense, a combination of quickness, hands and arm that stands out in a league where defense is often sloppy. He could come very quickly for a Mariners team that needs help at many lineup spots.”

So that leaves left field and DH.

One of those spots probably will go to Mike Carp following his solid performance during the second half of the 2011 season, but the final spot in the lineup currently has few appealing in-house solutions from a short list that includes Casper Wells, Trayvon Robinson, Carlos Peguero and Michael Saunders.

While the free-agent market has some truly great players that would help the Mariners’ lineup next season, the likelihood of landing Albert Pujols, Jose Reyes or Prince Fielder is probably quite small given how much those players will cost to sign.

The Seattle Times’ Larry Stone discussed the budget issue specifically with Jack Z. this week…

“When you go to the big, big free agents, you’re not sure where it will end up, dollars wise,” Zduriencik said. “I’d say right now we have to lay out a lot of other options and see where it ends up. I do know the numbers will be pretty high. How high will it go? Everyone has a threshold. It’s an unknown at this point.”

Translation: “We will come to the table in good faith, but try to avoid losing our shirts.”

If we look past the high rollers, what other options are available?

In the outfield, players such as Grady Sizemore, Carlos Beltran, Michael Cuddyer, Jason Kubel and Josh Willingham are all free-agent options that the Mariners could consider, but it might be worthwhile to consider expanding the search geographically a bit.  

Jeff Passan at Yahoo Sports offered his take on the potential options available across the Pacific in a report last week focusing on Korean pitcher Suk-Min Yoon.  

Most of the other big names mentioned are pitchers, but one name the Mariners might want to consider is Yakult Swallows’ outfielder Norichika Aoki, who according to the Japan Times has his team’s agreement to begin the posting process, 

Historically position players outside of Ichiro and Hideki Matsui have had a poor track record playing in the States, as Tom Verducci at Sports Illustrated reported earlier this week in a profile on Yu Darvish. Verducci only offers brief mention of Aoki, stating “(Aoki) has drawn some comparisons to (Ichiro) Suzuki for his style of play, though he has not been that kind of impact player.”

It’s almost unfair to compare anyone to Ichiro, but at age 29 Aoki seems ready for a new challenge.

“My dream is not just to go over there to play, but it’s to perform strongly in the majors,” the three-time Central League batting champion said. “I’m ready to play for whatever team needs me, regardless of contract terms.”

Should the Mariners make an offer? 

When Aoki burst on the scene in Japan during his 2005 rookie year, comparisons to Ichiro seemed ridiculous if not a bit premature.

But over the next several seasons he made a strong case for himself statistically, hitting well over .300 each year while showing a solid mix of power and speed as the lone star for the cellar-dwelling Swallows. 

Yet this past season Aoki’s numbers fell well short of his career averages on several key metrics even while the Swallows made the playoffs.  On some level you can ignore/forgive the drop-off in power, as the NPB this season started using new baseballs, which led to a decline in homers across the league; however the drop for Aoki’s two main drawing cards of high average and speed are harder to comprehend. 

Even if you chalk up this past season as a statistical blip, it would seem that putting Aoki in a relatively young lineup along side an aging Ichiro might be a mistake.

Both Ichiro and Aoki will be looking to rebound from off-years with a strong desire to prove themselves, yet will likely do so facing intense media pressure from both sides of the Pacific following them from day one at spring training. 

As streak hitters the possibility of one if not both getting off to a slow start is a scary prospect. 

Having had the opportunity to watch Aoki play for several seasons in Japan, I find it hard to disagree with Tom Verducci’s initial assessment.  

However…quite often Aoki would press in trying to do too much on some truly terrible Swallows teams, especially after being inserted into the  No. 3 hole in the lineup a few years ago to help drive in some runs.

Watching him in the on-deck circle you got the impression he was carrying the weight of the world while swinging his donut-weighted bat knowing for a fact he was the only player in the entire lineup capable of hitting the ball past the infield grass, especially in the later innings.

He tried hard to adapt and hit for power, but he couldn’t do enough…no one could, especially with Aaron Guiel as your cleanup hitter. 

With all of the Mariners’ moves this offseason it comes down to pricing.

Right now the team doesn’t have anyone they can depend on at the top of the lineup long-term (knowing Ichiro cannot play forever) who can set the table and steal a base. In 2012 the Mariners do not need Aoki to field an entire team, but it might be worthwhile for them to place a bid for his services.

As for Aoki, asking him to fill Ichiro’s shoes is almost bordering on cruel. 

Ideally, he could be a difference-maker on a team in need of an outfielder required to do nothing more than hit singles and occasionally steal a base. Protected in a truly solid lineup, he could hit .300, steal 20+ bases and score 100 runs. Not quite an All-Star, but someone who can help push a .500 team to a wild-card or better playoff berth. 

In two years time, that could be the Mariners…       

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At a Seattle Mariners professional baseball game last night, we were parked in the garage between the football and baseball stadiums in Seattle.  This was a perk for the front-row tickets given my wife by supervisors for all her good work of the past few months.  No nose-bleeders for this group on this warm late-spring night! 

And no hiking tens of miles to the car following the game.  This time we would be the snooty royalty that annoys the masses of peons, and like snooty royalty, we would be parking across the street from the baseball stadium free of charge with the BMWs, Mercedes and exotic sports cars of the world.

Walking only a few yards to the car was really cool. 

But after the game, not getting out of the same parking garage for over an hour, gridlocked in non-moving vehicles just outside the stadium, sort of ruined the thrill of parking in the garage where they charge mere mortals up to $50.  

More disturbing, it became apparent that the traffic planners in our city were either crazy, or deliberately making traffic as bad as they could following typical sporting events.  It was almost as if they were making traffic worse—far worse than had there been no helpful, friendly Seattle police officers supervising traffic flow after games.

How do I know this? 

Because after waiting an hour in toxic fumes that could melt steel, I finally managed to escape the confines of the concrete garage, but was immediately ushered to the east side of Safeco Field where all vehicles did not move.  Nor could they move, because helpful, friendly Seattle police traffic officers were routing all 45,000 vehicles into the same one-lane alley south of the stadium. 

Ironic, because I sort of wanted to go north, and catch the freeway on-ramp that would take me north, that I could see…ever so close.

But the friendly, helpful police traffic officers were having none of that!  Nope, they insisted all traffic go south, right into a big gridlocked mess where nobody could move out of because other helpful police traffic officers were routing everyone where they should not be.   

So there we sat.  For a very long time.  Nobody moving and everybody getting extremely agitated.

Finally, the two-hour mark after the game hit, and like magic all the police officers hopped on their little parked motorcycles and sped away into the night, suddenly leaving all the gridlocked intersections unregulated. 

And once they did, within five minutes the traffic had completely cleared out. 

No more helpful traffic cops equaled no more gridlock.  Who would have thought?

At that point many of us, as we drove home, asked the important and profound question most citizens in Washington State have asked after sporting events: 

“Hey, if traffic is better without the friendly, helpful police regulation following games, perhaps the city is wasting its money by having each and every intersection littered with these fine, uniformed folks?”

Maybe a prudent plan would be to not spend the money for all these lovely traffic heroes, and instead let things be like they are during the rest of the week? 

Why not let traffic do what traffic does, without the “help”?

Once, several years ago, following another game in which this exact same thing happened, I emailed the beloved traffic commission chairperson and suggested this wonderful and intellectual idea. 

And just like the friendly, helpful police traffic officers at every corner last night, he eventually emailed me back with suggestions of various physical activities that I could do to myself. 

He also mentioned that people as stupid as me don’t realize that this was actually a huge traffic improvement.  “You idiot!”

See this is because the Seattle Police Department, in co-operation with the City of Seattle and various inept mayors, has carefully crafted a set of hiring guidelines for every single traffic planner.  Here’s how it goes:

Clause No. 1

If the applicant shows college education or traffic planning experience, that person will immediately be disqualified for employment consideration by the PGSTPC (Postgame Seattle Traffic Planning Commission).

Clause No. 2

If said applicant shows any natural talent for common-sense thinking, that person too, will immediately be disqualified for employment consideration by the PGSTPC.

Clause No. 3

Preferred applicants will normally be found in chimpanzee cages at the Woodland Park Zoo, or found sleeping under bridges in frigid temperatures.

Clause No. 4

Habitual inebriation for each traffic planner is a plus.  In fact, if said applicant arrives at job interview immediately after consuming a fifth of Jack Daniels straight up, that applicant will vault to the top of the stack and may be immediately hired and assigned to supervise all traffic planning for the day, before sobering up.

Contrary to what you might think, the goal of the PGSTPC is not to clear traffic out.  Nope.  The goal is to keep traffic confined in unmoving gridlock for as long as possible. 

Speculation persists that the local business community is behind this reasoning, insisting that the longer you stay in their neighborhood, the more crap you may buy.  Oh sure, most of those businesses are closed by the time the Mariners games are over, but…well, please see Clauses No. 1 through No. 4 if you are confused about this policy.

Also, within the traffic code is the north/south directional concept.  If said vehicle prefers to travel north (because your house is north of the stadium), each and every regulated traffic corridor will insist you go south.  For many miles too.  Conversely, if your house is situated to the south, then the very same traffic corridors will route you north in the opposite direction you wish to go, usually into gridlock and parked contraptions that cannot move.

Years and millions of dollars were spent on little, unknown GPS chips that police officers read from your vehicle as you approach, like they do for the toll bridges.  Particular effort is put into stringent requirements insisting the direction of your vehicle goes in the opposite direction that it should.   

Why? 

Because it’s fun for intoxicated traffic planners to see all the cars not moving for hours after a sporting event.

And don’t bother screaming at localized traffic cops on corners about all of this, because that will merely make them cranky.  They didn’t do the traffic plan, they merely enforce it.  In fact, when frustrated motorists yell at cops, frustrated motorists may soon find themselves charged with heinous crimes and strip-searched in public. 

What frustrated motorists can do, however, is write sarcastic articles like this one when they get home several weeks later, and then send them to every public official they can find. 

That’ll teach those jerks.

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The roster I am proposing for this article is not a prediction of what I think the final roster will look like.  History has shown that fan voting and other hidden agendas tend to slightly skew the final roster from what it truly should resemble.  Instead, this will focus on who truly deserves to go to the 2011 MLB All-Star game as of right now.  Why right now?  We are almost halfway to the halfway point of the season, that’s why.  All selection rules will apply (i.e. one player from every team, etc.).

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If only the Seattle Mariners offense could actually show up before they found themselves hopelessly behind—such has been the underlying theme of the Mariners’ 2011 campaign. And Friday night was a microcosm of that very issue, too little too late.

Against the Kansas City Royals, the Mariners offense floundered for the first seven innings, registering just one lone hit. Three up, three down was the story for the offense through innings three through seven, as Royals starter Luke Hochevar dominated the hapless hitters.

After 100 pitches in seven innings, Hochevar was finally done for the night and the M’s immediately took advantage in the eighth inning. Off reliever Blake Wood, Ichiro singled in Luis Rodriguez to cut the lead to 6-2.

Then, in the ninth inning off closer Joakim Soria, the M’s were able to get four walks and a Michael Saunders RBI single to narrow the lead to 6-4. With the bases juiced with one out and Ichiro, the team’s strongest hitter at the plate, suddenly things were looking hopeful for the M’s.

But like they’ve done all season, the offense failed to capitalize with runners in scoring position. Ichiro did manage a weak ground-out to score another run, but Chone Figgins lined out hard to end the rally and the game.

Granted, Soria’s pitches were all over the place and offered the offense several opportunities they wouldn’t have normally gotten. But regardless, the game tonight reaffirmed a lot of things about this team for me.

Off to a slow start, things have been tough for the offense to get in a groove. The Mariners are mired in a slump, and it’s no new concept that good teams tend to get lucky. Look no further than Figgins’ stinging line drive with the game on the line in the ninth…straight to the third baseman.

Of course, the blame rests equally on the oft-injured shoulders of Erik Bedard. For the third straight outing, Bedard failed to pitch more than five innings. Falling to 0-3 with an 8.56 ERA on the season, it’s clear that Bedard has been the weak chain in the link that is the M’s starting rotation.

Bedard was able to get out of  a couple jams, but gave up too many runs to keep the M’s in the game. The team can’t afford to keep trotting Bedard out on the mound every fifth day expecting a taxing game for the bullpen and a probable loss (combining a poor offense and mediocre pitching and that’s what you get).

Falling to 4-10 two weeks into the season, the M’s face serious questions with almost every facet of their team.

To make sure this doesn’t just become a rant, and to give credit where credit is due, it’s important that we highlight the successes of first baseman Justin Smoak. Pinch hitting for Brendan Ryan in the ninth, Smoak worked a seven pitch walk to force in a run. Smoak has hit .273 on the season, good for second on the team, and has walked as many times as he has struck out (nine times).

King Felix will try to stop the bleeding Saturday afternoon (10:10 AM PT) against Sean Sullivan, who has an 11.25 ERA in two appearances this season. 

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With the team headed to Safeco Field for the home opener against the Cleveland Indians Friday, hopes and expectations were high.

Sure, the M’s had won just two of their first six games. Sure, they had gone into Arlington and gotten their behinds handed to them by the Rangers.

But it was Opening Night, and somehow all was momentarily forgotten. Ichiro and King Felix were set to receive their awards in front of a sold-out crowd.

Local icon and rapper Macklemore performed his hit song, “My Oh My”, a lyrical tribute to the late broadcaster Dave Niehaus.

But boy, did the Mariners flop on Friday night. In what was one of their worst home openers in team history, the Mariners were thrashed by the Indians.

In the fourth inning, everything unraveled for Jason Vargas and the M’s. Five consecutive base hits were knocked off of Vargas, and it took him six batters to record his first out, an RBI sacrifice fly.

After former Mariner Jack Hannahan joined in on the batting practice session and  delivered an RBI single, Vargas’ night was over.

Vargas lasted just 3 1/3 innings as he was tossed around, giving up seven earned runs on nine hits. He struck out only one batter as the same command of his strikeout pitches exhibited against the Athletics was nowhere to be seen.

And the bullpen, one of the most well-rested in all of baseball, was in for a rude awakening. Reliever Tom Wilhemsen could not stop the bleeding, as he surrendered five runs in less than 1 2/3 innings.

But the chief concern for the Mariners tonight was Jason Vargas and his puzzling inconsistency. Vargas was impressive if not brilliant in Safeco Field last year, going 9-6 with a remarkable 2.84 ERA.

But after he followed up his outstanding performance against the A’s with this stinker, doubt has suddenly been cast as to whether or not he can stay as a reliable contributer in the rotation, much less the No. 2 starter.

Ichiro was the only M’s batter to accomplish anything of note, going 2 for 5 with 2 RBI on the night. Justin Smoak went 1 for 3 with a walk, continuing his streak of increased patience at the plate.

The problem with Friday evening’s game went past the 12-3 result that the scoreboard indicated. The M’s offense only generated six hits compared to the Indians’ 17, but it went past that too.

What pained me was the lack of effort and fight in the team, an indictment commonly made against the ’10 Mariners, who seemed to quit when things didn’t go right.

This lack of focus was epitomized by the throwing error and wild pitch made in the same play in the fifth inning, giving away an easy run.

And things certainly aren’t going right as the team falls to 2-5, desperately searching for a win.

But to quit now after a disappointing start would be ludicrous. The Mariners are obviously in dire need of a win, or at least something positive to build off. They’ll need the veteran leadership to step up as well.

But to seemingly toss in the towel as they did against the Indians is something the team cannot stand for. 

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