Kuzul

Bud Selig lives the thug life—at least that’s the word from disgruntled Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. 

The NBA owner spoke with Jay Leno on Thursday’s The Tonight Show and discussed a great many things, most of which did little to help his cause to one day own an MLB franchise. 

The video posted covers what he has to say about the MLB commissioner and the suspension levied against Yankees star Alex Rodriguez. 

The Dallas Morning News transcribed Cuban’s thoughts on Rodriguez’s suspension: 

Horrible. I think it’s disgraceful what major league baseball is trying to do to him. Not that he doesn’t deserve to be suspended. He does. But they have policies in place, first-time offender 50 games, second time a 100. 214 games? That’s personal. 

It should be noted Rodriguez has been suspended 211 games—a suspension he formally appealed on Wednesday, allowing him an opportunity to play out the rest of the season. 

Cuban then went on to recount the time he attempted to bid for the Texas Rangers. As ESPN reminds us, the successful Mavericks owner bid $1.3 billion for the Cubs in 2008 but was not allowed into the final bidding process the following year. 

He then attempted to procure the Rangers with a bid of $600 million to no avail—giving him a sense the majors are indeed a “good ol‘ boys” club, and he doesn’t mind sharing that sentiment. 

We don’t pretend to know exactly why Selig or MLB officials would apparently shun Cuban. It’s clear the outspoken Mavericks owner, who is known to chirp at NBA referees, would bring a voice and persona that, while beloved by fans, might make the league uncomfortable. 

Of course, that is all conjecture, much the same as Cuban’s sentiments that Selig is not a man who likes to be tested. 

In an odd turn, Rodriguez has an ally in Cuban. Unfortunately for the Yankees star, that doesn’t help his cause, because Selig doesn’t seem to be all that fond of the Cubes. 

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MLB‘s steroid era won’t culminate in some end date or announcement the sport is completely clean. It will take place gradually, with regret that looms for decades.

According to ESPN Los Angeles’ Arash Markazi, Mark McGwire feels awful about his part in the steroid era, and he is ready to turn the page:

I wish I was never a part of it. Just get rid of it. If it’s better to have bigger suspensions, then they’re going to have to change it.

I wish there were things in place earlier. They were put in in 2003 I think. I just really hope and pray that this is the end of it. Everybody, especially the players, don’t want any more part of it, and I hope this is the end of it. … I wish I was never part of it.

It’s not worth it at all. 

The man who once blasted awe-inspiring home runs when the sport absolutely needed it is now the hitting coach for the red-hot Los Angeles Dodgers.

On Monday, fans similar to those who cheered for McGwire as he chased records and belted mammoth dingers were busy booing Alex Rodriguez for his part in an ongoing Biogenesis scandal.

MLB suspended 13 players for violating its drug policy, including Rodriguez, who in 2009 offered an emotional mea culpa for his use of PEDs between 2001 and 2003.

The times, they are changing.

As reported, McGwire admitted to using steroids when he broke baseball’s home run record in 1998. Now before you berate the man anew, remember how amazing it was to see balls fly out of the park just a few years removed from the 1994-95 strike.

A bulked-up McGwire and a buffed-out Sammy Sosa put butts back in the seats. Officials, fans and media looked away because the drugs now considered deplorable were making the sport a captivating spectacle.

Well, those steroids served their use and are now chewed up and spit out like a wad of used tobacco. Major league baseball, the media, fans and, most importantly, the players have all changed their tune.

Enhancing performance through pills, injections and shortcuts are out; playing baseball “clean” is very much in.

A little over a year removed from MLB’s current collective bargaining agreement being signed, players are already chiming in with calls for stiffer penalties on cheaters.

Nick Markakis recently stated he was all in for far stiffer penalties on players who test positive for any amount of PEDs. Dustin Pedroia trumpeted Monday as a good day for baseball, and Evan Longoria proclaimed caught players were being selfish.

McGwire is a big name and familiar face from an era that will never be forgotten, no matter how hard baseball tries.

What’s remarkable is the change that is taking place among players who now vilify colleagues who take shortcuts when they were once more likely to follow their lead.

The man who hit 583 home runs in his career touched upon that very thing:

It doesn’t matter what I think; I think it matters what the players think, and from what I hear every day in the clubhouse, they’re just happy it’s coming to an end. They’re happy that Major League Baseball is taking care of it and we can move forward. Hopefully this will be the end of it.

Baseball will never be truly clean. It’s a microcosm of the world and will always have those looking for an edge.

Don’t expect a specific date that will mark the end of an unfortunate era. Much as it slowly took over baseball, it will slowly dissolve from its ranks.

Just know that the epoch of juicers is in its final days. Thankfully, it seems like brighter ones are ahead.

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Warning: Video contains NSFW language and near toxic levels of bro commentary.

*Update*

A mugshot of “Fountain Lady” has surfaced.

According to Joe Kinsey of Busted Coverage, the woman is now being called “Fountain Mom” by local Kansas City radio station 96.5 The Buzz. The station alleges the woman is a 25-year-old from Des Moines, Iowa. According to The Buzz, Fountain Mom was arrested and has been charged with trespassing, resisting arrest and soliciting. Perhaps those playful shirt-flips have been interpreted as more than an exhibition.

No public intoxication charge has been filed, so it’s possible Fountain Woman wasn’t intoxicated during her theatrics on Monday. Her mugshot still suggests otherwise.

*End of Update*

Join two intrepid bros as they chronicle the spectacle of the summer—a seemingly over-served fan taking on the slippery heights of the Kauffman Stadium fountains in Kansas City.

The incident occurred in the middle of Monday night’s matchup between the Kansas City Royals and the Minnesota Twins, when a woman in a Royals shirt endeavored in some slick parkour and ended up wading through the elevated fountains behind the stadium’s right field wall. 

Video of the woman’s trip into Waterworld was discovered by CBS Sports, and features an ongoing narrative of two bros watching intently as she navigates the multilevel fountain like an aquatic Aggro Crag.

Anticipation builds and the bro commentary continues to roll as the woman clambers over narrow lips toward one of the stadium’s waterfall. She eventually finds a dry platform next to the falling water and begins putting on an exhibition for fans.

Image via @SDBassCreature

Image via @SDBassCreature

As the bros in the video point out, the situation presented a unique problem for stadium officials, who have no way to reach the woman without jumping into the water themselves.

Eventually the fan gives up the ghost and crawls up a ledge into the waiting arms of security. She was last seen leaving the park in handcuffs.

Image via @SDBassCreature

Image via @SDBassCreature

It has yet to be confirmed whether his woman was incredibly inebriated or just overheated, but the temperature in the stadium for the night time game was 85 degrees—not exactly submerge-to-stay-alive conditions. Couple that with the Hurricane glass full of blue drink she’s toting with her, and all signs indicate this fan was sailor-drunk when she decided to pull her watery stunt.

That being said, a fan going loose seal in a giant multi-tier fountain is certainly a change of pace from the typical field-rushing goons who need Twitter to tell them to live dangerously.

Royals fans were treated to a show on Monday, and for better or worse, it’ll likely be one they ever forget.

Join me on Twitter, where this incident has already spawned a fake account.

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In case you were wondering, Andrelton Simmons can hit, field, dribble, bounce, kick and juggle a baseball effectively. 

David Brown of Big League Stew spots this MLB Fan Cave video that features a few Atlanta Braves players as they attempt to juggle a baseball on a bat and then smack it into the stands. 

It’s nice to know that even professional athletes can look extremely awkward sometimes. 

Luis Ayala gets a few bounces in before losing the ball completely; Chris Johnson is just as successful—essentially he isn’t. 

That’s when Paul Janish steps up to bounce the ball a few times on his bat before knocking one off his chest. As David Brown notes, all of this sort of reminds us of the Tiger Woods commercial when he did something similar.

Thankfully, Simmons has this bouncy-ball trick thingy on lockdown. 

This is just the latest sign that the force is strong in this one. The 23-year-old is coming off a 3-for-5 performance to help the Braves get a win over the Rockies on Monday night. 

In the last three games, Simmons is 7-for-13 with two doubles and a triple. Oh, and 102 games in, he is getting stronger, according to ESPN’s Buster Olney.

Andrelton Simmons said after the game last night that he feels he’s getting stronger physically. Showed it there, hitting that RBI laser.

— Buster Olney (@Buster_ESPN) July 30, 2013 

Perhaps we can expect far more random Jedi tricks to amaze baseball fans in the future. Hell, instead of walking up to the plate like a normal player, Simmons should send a souvenir into the crowd with this exact same trick. 

The Braves are in first place by nine games and are on a four-game winning streak. Sure, that’s impressive, but I simply need to see more of Simmons juggling a baseball. 

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If you are wondering how Jose Bautista and David Ortiz are getting to the All-Star Game, they will be traveling by prancercise. 

MLB Fan Cave (h/t Barstool Sports) caught up with the Red Sox slugger as he was getting in some “MLB The Show” time before the big game. 

While hitting home runs with your virtual self is undoubtedly a ton of fun, Ortiz has to get to Citi Field before the Midsummer Classic begins. 

Wanting to get loose before taking some hacks on Tuesday night, Ortiz decided to travel by prancercise, which is really the only way to travel in 2013. 

Thankfully, he was joined by Blue Jays outfielder, Jose Bautista, who is dropping some serious prancing game on the streets of New York. 

For the few of you who have no clue why two MLB stars would be skipping and flailing about, CNN’s Jeanne Moos has an in-depth report on the dancing sensation.  

Joanna Rohrback has gone from anonymous fitness aficionado to the star of a John Mayer music video, all the while causing Internet denizens to get out and capture their own rendition of fancy frolicking. 

Hopefully, this will be the end of the craze that swept the nation out of their seats, skipping and dancing into the streets. 

You can try but will ultimately fail to beat this dynamic duo at the fine art of prancercising. Our only hope is that one of these sluggers decides to walk up to the plate in the same way on Tuesday night. 

Now that might finally solve the game’s slumping ratings. 

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If you do happen by Marlins Park this weekend, be careful as to not get the desperation all over you. 

Yahoo! Sports’ Mike Oz reports on the latest Marlins ticket-selling gimmick and it’s a doozy. It seems the powers that be are letting any fan procure tickets at the same prices of pitcher Gio Gonzalez‘s family and friends. 

You can take a gander at the deal at their official website or enjoy the screen capture the team features below. 

When you have the worst record in the National League, you find yourself hurting for new and inventive ways to get butts into the seats. 

The Marlins have ignored the fact Gonzalez doesn’t even pitch for the Marlins for this brilliant ploy. I would say this is truly the nadir of the season for Miami, but we are confident they have something else up their sleeves for the true dog days. 

I guess that’s only slightly less ridiculous than throwing a Juan Pierre night. Still, you have to think Placido Polanco warranted at least his own dedicated inning with his stellar .245 batting average. 

As Oz reminds, the Marlins’ losses and lack of star appeal have been met with horrendous ticket sales: “the team has the worst average attendance (17,162) in baseball and the lowest total attendance (738,000).”

As the report states, Gonzalez is from the Miami area, so the discounted tickets aren’t completely without merit—although they are officially absurd. 

The team is now 32-56, 18.5 games back of the division-leading Atlanta Braves. With a run differential of -94, it’s hard for fans to buy tickets expecting the home team to deliver on the promise of entertainment. 

Still, it has to sting knowing the team passed on all the other hard-working Marlins for a Nationals pitcher who is having a mediocre season compared to the gem he delivered last year. 

While just one silly promotion from a bottom-feeding team, it’s only a stone’s throw away from the team selling opposing star’s jerseys in the pro shop. 

Marlins Park: home to some of the most amazing visiting talent in the majors. 

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In the fourth inning of Monday’s Yankees game against the Royals, a more serious battle broke out. In the end, Mother Nature laid a whooping on the egos of the New York grounds crew. 

Play was stopped for almost an hour during what would be an eventual 5-1 win for the visiting Royals. So really, the best part of the night for the scant fans who stayed and tried to remain dry was this humbling attempt by the grounds crew to tarp the infield. 

Go ahead and enjoy the plight of others as you watch a bunch of professionals work diligently against a stubborn tarp. 

The weight of the water is far too heavy for the crew to walk the last few feet to complete their task. No worries because a superhero dressed in slacks and a business shirt runs onto the field to save the day. 

Sadly, all he got was a drenched shirt and labored breathing. 

The announcers are busy trying to figure out who this random fan is who threw warmth and comfort to the side in order to lend a helping hand. 

I have no way of knowing this, but I suspect he might be a stadium official of some sorts. If he is indeed just a fan who thought he could lend the manpower to get that tarp the needed distance, he most definitely deserves a round of applause. 

Fortunately, one member decided to step back and think through the problem—ultimately deciding to flip the tarp over to shed all the accumulated water. 

Finally, the tarp covers a very drenched infield. 

You may not see the effort in the box score, but we doff our caps to a beleaguered grounds crew who earned their money Monday night. 

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There are hardly two more storied franchises in all of sports history than the New York Yankees and Los Angeles Dodgers. That history was on full display during a heated skirmish on Twitter.

It seems the Yankees’ Twitter account just couldn’t wait for the team to take the field against one of the Yanks’ greatest rivals. The two teams have met 11 times in the World Series, with the last one taking place in 1981.

Here is how it all played out on Twitter in a slugfest between the Yankees’ Twitter feed and that of the L.A. Dodgers:

The Yankees seemed to get things started, with the Dodgers firing back. Of course, as tends to be the case, the Yankees went “scoreboard” on the franchise that once resided in Brooklyn.

However, I have to say the Dodgers did well by using Vin Scully as ammo, because there isn’t a better broadcaster in baseball.

Fans and players alike are amped to reinvigorate a dormant rivalry, so we understand that the Yankees’ Twitter feed fired off a couple more tweets, one of which used the hashtag #Dropthemic:

The dust has finally settled on a brief battle that took place before a beautiful baseball war starting on Tuesday night. Still, there are so many questions that need to be answered.

Will Don Mattingly get applause from his former home crowd? Will Yasiel Puig continue his hot start in New York? Will either team come away from the series without any injuries?

It’s obvious both franchises differ in the amounts of success they’ve had since they last met in the World Series. The current season has been an extreme case of a tale of two cities, though.

While both have had to go through a great deal of injuries, the Yankees have been far more successful with solid pitching leading them to a respectable 38-31 record.

As for the Dodgers, not so much.

A superstar roster has been battered and bruised through a humbling season that sees them at the bottom of the NL West. The only bright spot is their Cuban rookie who continues to dazzle in the field.

And so another chapter of a book we just can’t put down gets written. The Dodgers and Yankees reprise their roles as bitter rivals for a rare series that is sure to captivate.

Judging by the response on Twitter, it can’t take place soon enough.

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That Yasiel Puig is so hot right now. 

The L.A. Times’ Dylan Hernandez (h/t Yahoo! Sports) alerts us to something rather obvious at the moment: Dodger fans are absolutely smitten with Puig. 

However, much like the gaudy stats he is racking up with every at-bat, it’s the numbers behind merchandise sales that tell the whole story. 

The Dodgers sold more Puig-related merchandise from Thursday to Sunday than they had ever sold of any player over a four-day period — more than even Manny Ramirez, Fernando Valenzuela or Hideo Nomo, according to a team spokesperson.

The team sold approximately 3,000 units of Puig-related merchandise in that four-day window, including 1,600 t-shirts ($28), 400 “Viva Puig” t-shirts ($28) and 600 jerseys ($225 for the authentic version, $110 for the replica ones).

Being an L.A. native, I can tell you how astounding the hype was surrounding Manny Ramirez when he became a Dodger. There may even be a Ramirez t-shirt hidden in one of my drawers I am only slightly embarrassed about owning (at least it’s not a commemorative wig).  

I can safely say that the last week usurps any of that hype, only falling short of what life might have been like in Southern California when Fernandomania took over Los Angeles. 

The Dodgers—a team that was considered to be among the most talented in all of baseball at the start of the season—has been mired by injuries and ineffective play. 

The team is 28th in runs scored and it sits at the bottom of the NL West with a 27-36 record. You could say Dodger faithful were at a loss in trying to find the bright spot amid a grim and depressing season. 

Then comes Puig, bashing the ball to all corners of the field. If you are wondering what kind of start the 22-year-old outfielder has had to his career, consider that he just won the NL player of the week award and was intentionally walked in just his third game in the majors. 

While he is no magician—the Dodgers are 4-4 with him in the lineup—he is bringing electricity to Chavez Ravine as well as a .500 batting average and four home runs in 32 at-bats on the season. 

Yes, I guess you could say Angelenos are rather taken with this kid. 

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It’s almost fitting that this fan chose to wear yellow to the Angels game. BuzzFeed Sports found a video showing one Angels fan who had to suffer far more than an eventual loss by her favorite baseball team.

In a game that would see the Los Angeles Angels lose to the Houston Astros, 2-1, Monday night, Joe Blanton delivers a pitch to J.D. Martinez in the second inning. 

Martinez fouls off the pitch but also loses his bat into the stands. So far, there is nothing terribly interesting about the ordeal. 

That’s when the announcers catch a glimpse of where the errant bat landed—right near the head of a poor woman who was left to her own defenses. I only hope her eyes were closed so she didn’t see her husband make a quick exit for safety.  

Of course, we found out what happens to husbands who try to shield their wives from looming dangers at baseball games, because a Cubs fan dumped a beer on her husband earlier this season for doing the opposite of this Angels superhero. 

This is the opportunity for every man around to boast they would have actually stood in the face of oncoming danger to take the brunt of an oncoming bat in the name of love.

This tale doesn’t have a happy ending, however, as the lucky fan behind the woman who lost her hubby for an all-important few seconds gets his hands on the prized souvenir. 

I certainly hope the doghouse was made up before the game, because that is where this guy was sleeping on Monday night. That must have been a fun and not entirely awkward ride home. 

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