Kuzul

If you ever get a job covering the Washington Nationals as a sideline reporter, bring a poncho.

The Nats Enquirer happened upon the initial throes of Julie Alexandria covering the team from the field.

After a gem of a game by Gio Gonzalez, the reporter catches up with the southpaw right outside the dugout. As you will soon see, this is right in the hot zone for getting doused with a cooler full of Gatorade.

Alexandria takes the impromptu shower of what seems to be orange Gatorade in great stride. She is all smiles and offers that someone warned her this would happen.

As the report reminds, the Nationals are known for such antics with their reporters. Last year, Kristina Akra found out that it’s a horrible idea to stand too close to John Lannan, at least when he gets his first win of the season.

As for Gonzalez, he had struggled a bit in his last two starts before blowing away the Cincinnati Reds Thursday night.

In eight innings, Gonzalez had seven strikeouts and allowed just one earned run in an eventual 8-1 win. So you could say emotions ran fairly high.

Couple that with the very first postgame interview for the Nationals’ newest reporter, and you had the recipe for a perfect Gatorade storm.

Now, if any of you have aspirations of covering the team, I would make sure you are completely fine with having sport drinks thrown on you, because it’s an actual part of the job description.

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Hunter Pence might need some help on the proper use of sunglasses. 

The Dodgers and Giants opened play on a sun-drenched Monday afternoon in Los Angeles. It was the kind of day that mandated some sun-shielding eye wear if you were ever going to skirt any amount of pop-fly disaster. 

Well, Pence flew too close to the sun and got burned, dropping a routine fly ball in the sixth inning, producing one of the first bloopers of the season. 

In case you missed it, @gidget (h/t Larry Brown Sports) provided this GIF of Pence using his hands to shield a bright sun when the sunglasses on his head may have proved far more useful. 

As Larry Brown Sports points out, MLB Memes was quick to the trigger in making light of Pence fighting a futile battle against the sun. 

Of course, this is just a silly moment from game one of 162. The San Francisco Giants will soon get their World Series rings and Pence will again hold his head high. 

Still, Giants fans are crossing their fingers that Pence can somehow bounce back from the time he spent with the team last season. 

In 59 games with the eventual champs, the outfielder hit .219, striking out 60 times in 219 at bats. His two errors in that time helped him produce a -0.6 defensive WAR, according to ESPN. 

The Giants proved they are stacked enough to win a title with Pence struggling. However, I have to think they might ask him if he wouldn’t mind actually wearing his sunglasses. 

I mean, they look great sitting atop his hat, but they work wonders at shielding the eyes from the sun. Or so I have heard. 

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It’s really quite simple. Catch a perfect game: get a fancy watch. 

Susan Slusser, the San Francisco Chronicle‘s A’s beat writer, gives a baseball-mad world a beautiful moment that will restore your faith in humanity—or faith that ace pitchers can still have some class. 

Yes, that is Oakland A’s backstop John Jaso sporting some mighty expensive hardware on his wrist. It’s all thanks to a man who pitches for the enemy. 

Jaso may be playing for a division rival this season, but Felix Hernandez apparently never forgot the best game he ever pitched and the man who caught it. 

Back in August, Jaso and King Felix teamed up for a brilliant battery that would give the Mariners their first perfect game in franchise history. 

Fast-forward to this season and Hernandez is opening up the season in Oakland and is tasked with pitching against his old catcher. 

As CBS Sports reports, Hernandez giveth and then Hernandez taketh away, because the Mariners ace threw seven-plus innings, allowing just three hits and punching out eight in a Seattle 2-0 win. 

Not that Jaso was content to merely get a fancy Rolex on the day. He also managed to break up a no-hitter in the fourth inning:

Jaso, traded by the Mariners to their division rival during the offseason, popped out on the second pitch he saw in the first before his fourth-inning double. Then in the sixth, he struck out swinging to end a 10-pitch at-bat and 22-pitch inning for Hernandez.

About 90 minutes before first pitch, Hernandez had a Rolex watch delivered from a clubhouse employee to Jaso, quite the thank-you gift for his part in the ace right-hander’s perfecto.

“He broke up the no-hitter,” Hernandez said. “I was going to say, `Dude, what time is it?”‘

Sure, Jaso got a hit and a Rolex, but King Felix gets the last laugh with the win and a strikeout in the sixth. 

Felix Hernandez shows that he is pure class both on and off the bump. Not that Jaso will ever forget that magical game, but if he ever does, he can just check the time. 

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It may be spring training, but Phillies fans are already in midseason form. 

Busted Coverage spotted some of the more wonderful moments from an otherwise uneventful day during MLB preseason action. 

Of course, any Hooters waitresses out there should avert their eyes now because things are about to get rather awkward in here. 

First up, we have a Hooters ball girl who decided to fashion her fielding after Bill Buckner. She boots the ball, which leads to fans booing her. 

Yes, even in Clearwater, Fla., during the relative snooze-fest that is spring, Phillies fans find reason to boo just about anyone. 

A little while later, she makes yet another error. 

Even Starlin Castro thinks this is getting out of hand. 

Not to be outdone, a Hooters ball girl working the third-base side nearly gets annihilated by a foul ball and the three Yankees about to take her out. 

Someone, anyone, please get these Hooters girls some padding and helmets before they hurt themselves. Aside from that, please let them stay on the field. 

In fact, the slapstick comedy of errors should really spread to every single team in the Cactus and Grapefruit Leagues. 

I mean, why else are we watching? It’s the dead of March and the biggest news in baseball seems to be Joba Chamberlain‘s mustache and Fernando Rodney’s plantain. 

We won’t make it out of spring training with all of our dignity, so we might as well savor some of the funniest moments going down in sports right now. 

Hell, just last week, another Phillies Hooters ball girl was giving very live and very fair balls to fans. 

America, you may want to turn your attention to the Hooters girls fielding foul balls in Clearwater at the moment. I hear they do amazing work. 

Twitter, now with more tweets: 

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The world doesn’t stand a chance when Fernando Rodney brings his lucky plantain to the ballpark. 

The Dominican Republic moved past the Netherlands Monday night and will now play in the World Baseball Classic final against Puerto Rico. 

Sure, you could give some of the credit to the timely hitting of Moises Sierra and Robinson Cano, but the real reason the Dominican Republic took the semifinal was the undeniable power of Fernando Rodney’s lucky plantain. 

The video (h/t Big Lead) features a stoic Rodney standing confident. Well, there is a reason he is so cool before the start of the game. He has a secret weapon, a lucky fruit that also talks to him. 

Here is more on this special and magical plantain from Yahoo! Sports:

It had a message for him, too, because what good is a piece of produce if it doesn’t talk to you? “If you keep me close to you,” the plantain said, according to Rodney, who did not indicate whether it spoke Spanish or English or maybe Fruitish, “you’re going to get the win.”

Sounds like Rodney’s plantain is a bit of a chatty Cathy. 

The powerful fruit arrived Monday afternoon via a special delivery from the Dominican Republic. Not being an expert on mystical good luck charms, I am not aware whether the plantain will still have enough mojo for the final against Puerto Rico. 

If the Dominican Republic does take the title, you can bet there will be crates of the stuff lying around the Tampa Bay locker room all season. 

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The sights and sounds of Spring Training remind us that the coming summer is going to be a wonderful time. They also remind us that J.P. Arencibia does a perfect Tim Kurkjian impression. 

On Monday (h/t Big Lead), baseball fans got to hear yet another rendition of the high-pitched enthusiasm that can only be delivered by Tim Kurkjian or the Blue Jays 27-year-old catcher of course. 

In a video best consumed with your eyes closed, the catcher now tasked with catching knuckleball ace R.A. Dickey, delivers one of the more peculiar peripherals upon baseball’s return. 

Of course, this isn’t the first time we have heard this particular impression.

Last year, the catcher managed to get both Terry Francona and Kukjian busting out the giggles on ESPN’s Baseball Tonight. 

Ryan Dempster got in on the fun last year and joked that some scouts seem to think about 25 to 30 players are actually doing Kurkjians around the league. 

Enter any locker room and you may just hear the high-pitched squeal of the analyst’s voice. 

Even Elliott Johnson attempted one in 2012, but the master continues to be Arencibia, who is trying to keep things light as the pressure of a pennant run is just around the corner. 

Since players you have never heard of are hitting camp and split-squad games are in full swing, now is as good a time as any to bust out those baseball impressions you have been saving up all winter. 

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Jamie-Lynn Sigler is settling down once again, this time with Washington Nationals-affiliated infielder Cutter Dykstra, son of former MLB star Lenny Dykstra, 

The couple announced the news as most do nowadays: on Twitter. First, the actress who is most famous for her role in The Sopranos sent out this tweet with an Instagram link to a picture featuring the ecstatic pair. 

My question is whether Cutter just up and asked her right there in the car. I will assume it was far more romantic than that. 

The 23-year-old Nationals player tweeted out in kind right after. 

CBS News reminds us that Sigler was married once to former manager A.J. DiScala, but split from him back in 2005. 

Since that time, she has been in rumored relationships with Entourage‘s Jerry Ferrara, as well as New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez. 

I am sure there is a joke there about him not locking things down, but it escapes me. 

Cutter is the son of embattled former Major Leaguer Lenny Dykstra. For his part, he is trying to carve out his own path in the big leagues. 

Last season he played for the Class A Hagerstown Suns, a Washington Nationals affiliate. There he hit .291 with 7 home runs and 32 stolen bases. 

The obvious thing to note is that the two are moving much like celebrity couples are known to do: very quickly. They have been dating for about a year, but are now ready for the commitment to last a lifetime. 

US Weekly has word from a source who believes the two are ready for the plunge. 

The actress’ rep confirms the engagement news to Us Weekly and a source tells Us that Sigler is “over the moon.”

“Jamie couldn’t be happier. Cutter is the perfect guy for her,” the source adds. “Although they have only been together for a year, they both know that this is it for both of them. They are both on cloud nine as are their families and friends.”

Sigler currently stars on the NBC series “Guys with Kids,” which should give the couple a very nice comfort zone as Dykstra continues to work his way up the minor league ladder. 

Hit me up on Twitter for more pop in your culture. 

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Pete Rose, baseball’s giant who seems destined to be on the outside looking in, will premiere his TLC reality series with fiancee, Kiana Kim. 

The show, entitled Pete Rose: Hits and Mrs., follows the former Cincinnati Reds superstar who continues to fight his lifetime ban from the game of baseball. 

This being a TLC reality/TV series, you know things are not nearly as simple as that. 

Below is a primer on all things Pete Rose, brought to you by an interview from the network. Thankfully, it’s candid and introspective. 

From there, we get a look into the mind of man who bet on the game, and I will bet you could see some more of this legend who is broken in a lot of ways. 

Well, you get just that starting on Sunday at 10 p.m. with a two-episode sneak preview. The show will then be run again on Monday at the same time—its regular time slot. 

Let me just go ahead and say I don’t have a great feeling about this one, and it has everything to do with what reality TV has become, especially on the network of Honey Boo-Boo. 

Cincinnati.com has a video of the first commercial for the show, and it’s pretty much your typical ad for a reality-televison program with the same beats and the same plot points. 

It’s my hope that this show is something better. 

You might recall the 30 for 30 documentary done on Rose for ESPN. It was about eight minutes of footage that confirmed for me this baseball legend had an amazing story to tell, even from behind a table where he signs autographs. 

An old man selling his signature hardly sells for the masses who watch reality shows, so some additions were made. 

Again, we will go ahead and make a better judgement when we see it all unfold in the premiere, but the aforementioned commercial leads us to believe a good portion of the show will be based on Kiana Kim wanting to get married, the backlash from her family and what Kim looks like in a dress. 

Perhaps, if there is time, there might be some baseball talk. 

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The Oakland A’s have a new sensation in Japanese shortstop Hiroyuki Nakajima, a man who is completely smitten with his general manager, Billy Beane. 

Then again, he may just be a smitten kitten over the man who played Billy Beane in Moneyball, Brad Pitt.  

CBS Sports spotted this tweet from the San Francisco Chronicle’s Susan Slusser:

Nakajima says he wanted to sign with #Athletics because “Billy Beane is extremely sexy and cool.”

— Susan Slusser (@susanslusser) December 18, 2012

Wait, Billy Beane? The guy on the left?

The A’s have more than a shortstop with a slash line of .311/.382/.451 while playing last year with the Seibu Lions, via NBC Sports. They have a gushing 30-year-old who is completely taken with the dude that hired him. 

From there, the quotes spiraled into Twitter comedy. 

This tweet gives us this faux quote we could only hope he would say:

“Fight Club was my favorite Billy Beane movie.”- Hiroyuki Nakajima

— TGWTWS (@KSJ49) December 18, 2012

Guy Haberman gives us an actual quote and a reference to the hype dance the A’s did last season, calling upon the powers of Weekend at Bernie’s:

Nakajima in English: “I will do my best for the team but I also want to do “Bernie Dance” with Oakland”

— Guy Haberman (@GuyHaberman) December 18, 2012

Back to Slusser, who has it right:

I was worried about the quote quotient after losing @dallasbraden209 and @bmccarthy32, but Nakajima looks likea go-to quote guy.

— Susan Slusser (@susanslusser) December 18, 2012

This guy is going to be gold all season.

The A’s have a new shortstop and Beane has a huge fan in the field. 

Just when you thought we would never see the words sexy and cool sidled up next to the name “Billy Beane,” our new favorite player is introduced to the majors. 

Hit me up on Twitter for more sexy and cool. 

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If you see a brunette beauty who answers by the name of Jamie Edmondson, stop her. She just stole a blueberry muffin from Sweet Tomatoes. 

Reports have it that she was last seen with Evan Longoria. 

Thanks to Busted Coverage, we get a light-hearted story of thievery by none other than a former Playmate and the girlfriend of the Tampa Bay Rays star. 

The website noticed a couple of tweets from the lovely lady who apparently wanted to take a snack from the soup and salad buffet restaurant. 

And she has the audacity to tweet out the tasty treat to the masses. 

First up is this hilarity (via Twitter):

Lunch at Sweet Tomatoes…2 observations…1. I am always the youngest person here and 2. most of my lunch ends up on my belly #messyeater

— jaime edmondson (@jaimeedmondson) November 30, 2012

In Los Angeles, the restaurant is called Souplantation and yes, it is filled with the elderly. Not only that, it’s filled with pretty much the most random group of people bumping into each other over poppy-seed muffins you have ever seen. 

You would never think that turkey chili could cause a fight, but one step into one of these places has you rethinking what kind of food would send you into a frenzy. 

Next is the tweet of the mad caper (via Twitter):

This is what it’s come to…smuggled a blueberry muffin out in my purse…Who the heck am I!?twitpic.com/bhvgec

— jaime edmondson (@jaimeedmondson) November 30, 2012

Relax, because everyone does this. 

I don’t consider it a successful trip to the restaurant unless I am coming back with one or three delicious brownies. 

Now I have something in common with a Playboy model. 

Hit me up on Twitter for more sexy swag. 

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