Kuzul

The MLB trade deadline came and went with a flurry of deals. Such excitement was bound to have some hilarious fallout. 

The biggest mistake wasn’t from a team overpaying for a pitcher, or a down-in-the-dumps team selling off top talent—it was from a news agency being duped by a fake Twitter account. 

Deadspin caught a humorous gaffe by WCPO.com. which included two tweets from @Brox4AllStarz, a fake account for former Royals pitcher Jonathan Broxton, in its article about the trade. 

The big man who blows away hitters from the mound was just traded from the Royals to the Cincinnati Reds, and this ABC affiliate was no doubt eager to get word from the man being sent out of town. 

Here is a screen capture of the initial report, which has since been amended. 

Look to the bottom and you can spot the hilarious rants of a faux Twitter account. It’s less of a real pitcher’s thoughts and more of what a mindless meathead would state after being traded. 

Here is the first tweet used:

Brox thanks the good people of KansasTown. You were so nice to ol Broxy. Sorry for eating all the BBQ that one time. And that other time.

— Brox (@Brox4AllStarz) July 31, 2012

And the glorious second:

So many fans of RedTeam sayin nice things 2 ol’ Broxy. Brox not nervous no more. SinseeTown is great. Gonna throw the ball hard for you guys

— Brox (@Brox4AllStarz) July 31, 2012

While Broxton had some issues with pitch selection back when he was the Dodgers’ closer, we will give him a tad more credit for being more articulate than this. 

Still, you may want to hide your barbecue from the real guy too. 

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Deep in an Ohio attic lurked a treasure trove of baseball cards, making it the collectible find of the century. 

John Seewer of The Associated Press reports that Karl Kissner, an Ohio man, was digging through his grandfather’s attic when he found a collection of old baseball cards; a loot that may fetch millions at auction. 

In all reality, I have no way of qualifying where this haul stacks up in the grand scheme of things found where you least expect them, but it’s still damn cool. 

Kissner actually described the find as, “It’s like finding the Mona Lisa in the attic.”

That’s lovely, but I like to think it’s like finding the map to One-Eyed Willie’s treasure, and then launching on a expedition with you and your closest Goonies. 

I guess in this version, Kissner doesn’t have to mess with the Fratelli’s, making it far more palatable a scenario. 

The cards worth millions were found in the most meager of places, wrapped in twine in a cardboard box under a dusty dollhouse. 

From there, Kissner found near mint Ty Cobb cards and a flawless Honus Wagner. The family then sent some of the cards to expert Peter Calderon at Heritage Auctions in Dallas. 

Calderon was floored at not only the vintage of the cards, but by the pristine nature of each one. The quality will fetch a handsome sum, per the report. 

The best of the bunch — 37 cards — are expected to bring a total of $500,000 when they are sold at auction in August during the National Sports Collectors Convention in Baltimore. There are about 700 cards in all that could be worth up to $3 million, experts say. They include such legends as Christy Mathewson and Connie Mack.

The real hero of the day is the deceased grandfather who kept this treasure safe. 

Kissner and his family say the cards belonged to their grandfather, Carl Hench, who died in the 1940s. Hench ran a meat market in Defiance, and the family suspects he got them as a promotional item from a candy company that distributed them with caramels. They think he gave some away and kept others.

The family has decided to share in the wealth by splitting the money among the “20 cousins named in their aunt’s will.”

With that, a family is hit with some enormous fortune and luck.

They can thank their grandfather for one of two things: either having the foresight to take care of these precious items he knew would soar in value, or being forgetful enough to leave them be in the attic. 

I think this family will be just fine with whichever was the case. 

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Justin Verlander, ladies and gentleman. Justin “The Man” Verlander. 

Let us be that little birdie to tell you there are rampant rumors Kate Upton is sweet on the Detroit Tigers’ ace, and there is even photographic evidence of the claim. 

Busted Coverage sniffs out some fantastic pictures that allegedly feature supermodel Kate Upton getting rather close to arguably the best pitcher in the Majors. 

The website received a link to some photos from 98.7, Amp Radio. A listener apparently sent in pictures they took of the two as they partied at a local bar, Coyote Joe’s. 

As you can see, you need some imagination to see two people hooking up, but not much of one. These two, if they are indeed Verlander and Upton, are canoodling rather closely. 

The Detroit Free Press has the full story on the woman who we presume snapped off the pictures. Her name is Amanda Waynick, and she was celebrating her 25th birthday at the bar. 

That’s when she tried to get a picture with Verlander, only to have him decline. It seems he was rather light-hearted about it, though. 

She then gave the images to the radio station when she realized the gems she had on some of her party pictures. 

Of course, Verlander has been linked to his longtime girlfriend Emily Yuen, so we tread cautiously, because this may be much ado about nothing. 

Then again, it may be the starting American League pitcher in the 2012 MLB All-Star Game beginning a relationship with the “it” girl of the year.

The two are yet to comment on all the speculation, and there is no telling where they began their budding friendship. 

It may have been on the set of promo videos for MLB 2K12. If so, please remember not to neglect your video games. They may come in handy at some point in your life.

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President Barack Obama threw a gentle jab at the hard-hit Red Sox fans recently, and it gave way to Mitt Romney’s getting in on the game, despite the hackneyed results. 

President Obama was in Boston on Monday and took to the podium armed with some sports fodder. Here is the video many of you have seen by now. 

It features the president thanking Red Sox fans for giving his beloved White Sox the services of Kevin Youkilis. 

What commences has started a debate as controversial as the question of whether Tim Tebow is a worthwhile starting quarterback.

The crowd is vocal in their response, but we still have not settled on whether that is a chorus of “boos” or “Yoooouuuuks.”

Well, the presumptive Republican presidential candidate wanted to get in on the fun. SportsGrid directs our attention to a number of tweets from political reporter Matt Viser, from The Boston Globe.

Here is what Mitt Romney had to offer according to Viser:

Romney camp: “Last night in Boston, Pres Obama..committed an error by taunting fans over the Kevin Youkilis trade to the Chicago White Sox.”

— Matt Viser (@mviser) June 26, 2012

Continued below:

Romney camp on Youkilis: Obama “chose to mock them for trading away one of its favorite players at a time when the team is struggling.”

— Matt Viser (@mviser) June 26, 2012

The Obama camp answered back, making this a full-on war of meaningless words. 

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney stated the following, per Viser’s tweet:

Carney talks of “silly reporting” on Youkilis. But then attempts to make a broader point: Obama doesn’t pander. And won’t wear Red Sox caps.

— Matt Viser (@mviser) June 26, 2012

Yup, politics as usual is alive and well in Washington. 

I guess you can give brownie points to the president for the fact that he doesn’t do the usual pandering to each and every single fanbase, pretending to be a homer in every town. 

The video was chuckle worthy and actually made the president seem like a down-to-earth sports fan, boos or not. 

I mean, they did turn to cheers by the end. 

But now, the moment has taken an ugly turn into a political pissing match. Please stop now, both of you. 

Kevin Youkilis doesn’t deserve this much attention. 

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Matt Cain was already armed with a wide array of pitches, but now the dude is packing a samurai sword. 

Things do get fairly busy when you throw a perfect game. I wouldn’t know first hand, as my biggest accomplishment is the one time I didn’t eat a box of thin mints, but we’ll move on. 

Matt Cain threw a perfecto a week ago against the Houston Astros and then pitched Monday night against the L.A. Angels. 

Before he got started on his five innings of work and eventual 5-3 win, he needed to reap some rewards. 

According to Yahoo! Sports, his pitching day began by recording a spot for the night’s Late Show with David Letterman, a segment entitled, “Things I Want to Achieve Now That I Have Thrown a Perfect Game.”

The best of the day came in the form of a samurai sword. 

BuzzFeed Sports tweeted this picture and assumption that a perfect game comes with a perfectly sweet gift:

Apparently this is what you get for throwing a perfect game – yfrog.com/nt508rlj

— BuzzFeed Sports (@BuzzFeedSports) June 19, 2012

According to the Yahoo! Sports report, there is a perfectly good reason Cain was given a samurai sword that nerds like me will covet from afar:

He then accepted the gift of a samurai sword from Mizuno USA, a company that he endorses. According to Mizuno, the sword has only been awarded to its brand ambassadors on five different occasions with the most recent being Dallas Braden’s perfect game in 2010.

You too can have your very own samurai weapon. You need only to endorse Mizuno and to then throw nine innings of perfection.

As for me, I will just watch Kill Bill one more time and call it a job well done.

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I think we can just about call the “Clown Question, Bro” meme good and dead now. 

Like too many people thinking they can carry Call Me Maybe to fame, we have one too many Bryce Harper impressions on the open market now. 

Democratic Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid volleyed a question like a true bro recently, and it had the correspondents in stitches. 

USA Today reports Reid was asked about the DREAM Act and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell by Roll Call reporter Steven T. Dennis. 

Reid paused and let the twinkle in his eye shine for all. He thought to himself, this is it. This is the moment I have been waiting a lifetime for. 

Reid, for a moment, was the funny kid in class. 

The report says Reid is an avid fan of Washington Nationals star Bryce Harper, the outfielder who made the phrase, “clown question, bro” a sensation.

Now that the phrase is being used by 72-year-old senators, we can pretty much cease and desist form ever having to mutter the phrase. 

The moment was clever and funny. I chuckled along with the rest of you, but I am telling you all to stop right now. 

The virus that is Call Me Maybe parodies continues to spread; we don’t need another epidemic. 

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Shane Victorino held another fashion show for a great cause, but it was pitcher Cole Hamels who stole the show. 

Dan Gross of The Philadelphia Daily News reports on Victorino holding his third annual fashion show to benefit the Shane Victorino Foundation. 

The Union League was filled with stars helping the foundation whose mission statement is,”dedicated to promoting opportunities for underserved youth. The Foundation engages in projects which provide children in need with educational, recreational and wellness programs.”

This year, current Phillies and their families were joined by the likes of Bernard Hopkins and Joe Piscopo. 

The night belonged to Hamels who wore this ensemble which is now the talk of the fashion world. Okay, it’s merely the talk of people who consider capris and highly-cuffed pants to be rather silly. 

Hamels is making a habit of creating the fashion stir. Last year when he, as The Big Lead put it, embraced his inner Ace Ventura. 

I think he really sets the bar high with his bright-red high water pants. Those things could be more red, but not by much. 

From a sports land filled with emerging hipsters, I would expect this wardrobe to feature on a podium shortly. 

Of course, the event was without Chase Utley who continues to rehab with what I like to describe as crappy knee syndrome. 

His wonderful wife, Jennifer, was escorted by the Phillie Phanatic down the catwalk. 

That video should serve to remind other, younger Phanatics that you too can grow up to be a dapper superstar. 

Another night of fun and frivolity was had, and Hamels once again hit it out of the park. 

Follow me on Twitter for one hell of a good time. 

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The Phillie Phanatic has been a very bad boy.

At least that is what one woman is claiming after the Phanatic allegedly tossed her in a pool and caused her severe bodily harm. 

Oh boy.

I will walk a fine line in this article, so forgive me if I teeter over the precipice. I am being balanced on one side by my hatred for grown men in mascot uniforms generally creeping me out. On the other is my skepticism of the claim. 

Like a nice steak dinner, let’s work on the meat of this thing first. 

The Philadelphia Daily News picked up a report from the Courthouse News Services on a woman who is undoubtedly frustrated with mascots, pools and being thrown by one into the other right about now. 

Suzanne Peirce alleges the Phillie Phanatic, a great big green thing that tries to take people’s minds off Chase Utley, picked her up, as well as the lounge chair she was resting on, and threw them both in a nearby pool. 

The suit alleges the Phanatic lost his mind on July 17th, 2010 as Peirce was enjoying her sister’s wedding at The Golden Inn in Avalon. 

Let me state that Peirce’s claims are quite serious. 

Peirce claims she hurt just about everything in the incident, including suffering “severe and permanent injuries to her head, neck, back, body, arms and legs, bones, muscles, tendons, ligaments, nerves and tissues …” and more. The pool did have water in it, attorney Aaron Denker said, though Peirce was tossed in the shallow end.

As for who is being sued, Peirce is targeting Tom Burgoyne, Matt Mehler and anyone else who may have been wearing the Phanatic suit. 

In fact, I am sure she would lob a suit at anyone who dressed up as the Phillie Phanatic for Halloween if she could. 

The report continues: 

A Phillies spokeswoman said the team was aware of the lawsuit and does not believe the Phanatic engaged in wrongful conduct…

The lawsuit does not mention specific dollar amounts, but claims Peirce has spent large sums of money on medicine and medical attention and has also suffered from “humiliation and loss of life’s pleasures.”

Let me dial it back just a bit, because if Peirce was indeed hurt as much as she claims, she deserves every penny she is after. 

I just can’t fathom a situation where ligaments, bones, muscles and emotions were irreparably destroyed by being thrown into a pool. 

If so, I need to sue my father, brother, friends and every last person who has thrown my fat ass into a pool over the years. 

As for the Phanatic, he seems to be doing just fine, as his performance recently with Paula Abdul suggests. 

For those not wanting to test the waters (pun intended), please walk the other way if you see the Phanatic walking down the street. 

And for the love of all that is holy, run if you happen to be next to a pool. 

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Stephen Strasburg‘s day could have gone better. Perhaps a better performance on the mound and less Icy Hot on his testicles would have helped. 

Nobody is perfect. That includes Nationals’ ace Stephen Strasburg and the alleged prankster that put something hot where it doesn’t belong. 

Oh, I know that you must have a ton of questions after a statement like that. All in good time. 

The Nationals dropped a game to the Padres on Tuesday. Losing to San Diego is embarrassment enough, but the Nats found a new way to make headlines. 

Consider this tweet from the Washington Post’s Adam Kilgore.

An unusual postgame revelation: Davey volunteered that Strasburg got “hot stuff” in “the wrong place” and “I don’t know how it got there.”

— Adam Kilgore (@AdamKilgoreWP) May 15, 2012

Thankfully, we have a few more details on the biggest mystery of the day. CSN Washington’s Mark Zuckerman offers this in a tweet.

The insinuation from Davey: Somebody put something like Icy-Hot on Strasburg in a place it shouldn’t have been before game.

— Mark Zuckerman (@MarkZuckerman) May 15, 2012

Strasburg had a dominant 1.64 ERA coming into the game and left with a 2.25 ERA. Through four innings, the young ace allowed seven hits and four earned runs. 

In short and simple terms, he wasn’t himself. 

Having a foreign substance that can leave a burning sensation in the most delicate of places might do that. 

I’m all for pranks and leaving itching powder, Icy Hot or something else on the man’s jockstrap, if that is indeed what happened, but there is a time and place. 

If you want a specific time, I don’t have one. I would think anytime other than his turn in the rotation would be a good idea. 

The think tank they have over in Washington is just brilliant. Watch out, Bryce Harper, because you’re next. 

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Being a Chicago Cubs ball girl comes with certain perks, one of which may very well be getting in touch with the opposition to get your flirt on. 

The good people at Busted Coverage direct our attention to a video feed that captured a Cubbies ball girl writing down a missive and then sending it off with an usher, presumably to a Braves player.  

It’s not like a Cubs fan would ever want to date a Chicago ballplayer. 

It was a scene that played out just like the movie The Natural (minus Glen Close, Robert Redford and that fat kid that stood awkwardly as Roy Hobbs tried to bat). 

Here is the video which includes a ball girl sitting, a note being written and some old dudes being creepy behind the scenes. 

The video feed comes courtesy of the Uverse Cubs Multi-View, and the voice at the end of the video is Cubs announcer Bob Brenly, via the YouTube description. 

Brenly wonders openly whether the ball girl was sending the digits towards the opposition dugout with the usher. 

It’s at this point that we wonder why the video feed was transfixed on the poor girl for precisely too long. 

This has me a tad creeped out to enter any stadium where random cameras recording all the action might lurk. Seeing as how I am not an attractive female but a handsome and incredibly charming male, I should be safe. 

As for the Braves, we tip our hats in their general direction. 

I understand that playing the 12-17 Cubs can be as boring as listening to Charlie Manuel discuss anything, so I can see where you might resort to picking up on any female that may be on the field. 

If you want to truly grasp the fine art of hitting on chicks while you play a baseball game, it’s simple. You send the usher to do it.

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